Change of Heart

Chapter 1

“six”

"Mitsu-chan!" Yayoi rounded the tall oak bookcase to find his friend. "Mitsu-chan," he shook the younger teen's shoulder in an attempt to wake him. "Oi, wake up."

"The younger stirred, opening his dark eyes. "Hey, Yayoi...what do you want?" Barely lifting his head, his eyes glided to meet soft green-hazel ones.

"School's over, ya' know." He started packing Mitsukuni's books and notes into his schoolbag for him. "Were you studying again?"

Mitsukuni nodded, raising himself and watching his friend with a lethargic stare. "I don't know why, but I've been so tired lately."

"Maybe lack of sleep is a factor?" Yayoi laughed before his stare softened. "Are you feeling alright?" Leaning on his right forearm, his left hand rested on the other's forehead, trying to find a temperature difference as a sign for a fever. "You've been acting weird lately..."

Their proximity caused Yayoi to worry more. "Y-Yayoi!" Only a whisper, but it was all he could manage.

The older one gasped, always being over dramatic, "Mitsu- chan! You're getting hot... are you alright?" His hand rested beneath his chin, still partially cupped against his cheek. Seriousness remained in his worried stare. "You have me a bit worried..."

"N-no, don't worry. I'm... fine." Mitsukuni tried not to meet with his eyes. "I feel fine, really..."

Yayoi smiled, as a mother would, before whispering, "You're so cute when you're embarrassed. I don't see why you don't have a girlfriend." He took a step back and stood straight. "Wanna go now?" He ran a hand through his silver hair and sighed at the younger teen. "Why have you been studying so much lately, anyway? It's not like you have any big tests anytime soon." A smirk played across his lips, "You're not trying to impress anyone, are you?"

"What? Mitsukuni retorted, standing straight out of shock but nearly falling over himself. "In the six years that you’ve known me, have I ever worked so hard for my grades?"

Raising one hand to his chin, Yayoi sighed, "Nope, you've always been the near bottom of your class." Although it was only a joke.

"Hey! Are you calling me some kind of idiot !?" the dark-eyed male leaned imposingly onto the table with both hands flat against the smooth wood surface.

Ignoring the question, Yayoi turned his attention to a book left on the table. "Hm? What's this?" He lifted the paperback and examined its crisp pages, causing Mitsukuni to lurch across the table in an attempt to retrieve it. Yayoi held it out above himself, reading the neatly printed kanji.

"Give it back!, Yayoi!" the sophomore, also being much shorter, had a hard time reaching it so he rounded the table for a better try. "It's not mine. It's for my mother," he lied.

"This is... a romance novel?" A wide grin spread across his lips before fading into a mischievous smirk. "I had no idea Mitsu-chan had an interest in love..." He simply handed the book back, seeing an amusingly quizzical stare in return. "If he wants to read about it... I think it's more fun to experience..." Yayoi closed the already minut distance between them, placing a fleeting kiss on his jawbone, only a mere centimeter from his ear.

"Y-Yayoi! What are you-" He watched him near his lips, feeling an embrace snake around his waist. Heat blanketed his cheeks; he was sure his complexion was pure crimson. A full few seconds later (that seemed like an entire moment), Yayoi pulled away as his lighter eyes opened. Finally able to speak, Mitsukuni regained his voice. "What do you think you're doing?" His hands tightened around the book still held between them that caused this.

"Proving that book useless." He kissed him again, “Or i could just be messing with you...as a joke."

"Why would you do that?" Mitsukuni wondered aloud. At the sudden loss of heat of Yayoi's close body, he snapped back to his former thoughts. "Yayoi, are you being serious?"

A wide smile crept onto his lips. "I could be." One hand moved back to Mitsukuni's waist. His eyes gleamed behind silver bangs before gently nipping the left of the other's neck. "Or I'm just trying to keep you from your life a little longer," his whisper was hot against the soft skin.

"Yayoi!" Mitsukuni gasped, his breath fluttery. "Please..." he held the paperback closely to his rapid heartbeat. His head turned down, hoping his dark hair would shield his embarrassment. "Let's just…go."

"Alright, this place seems a little too… public.”

“Yayoi!” Mitsukuni shot him a glare, not meaning for it to be so cold.

“I was joking.” He laughed, stepping back and retrieving their schoolbags. He rejoined at his side, handing Mitsukuni his. In an abrupt sweep of his arm, the younger male was again pressed against Yayoi’s warm body, and again his face resuming its red colour. Emerald eyes shut as his lips captured Mitsukuni’s again. Their legs tangled; Yayoi could feel the other’s nervous shaking, his increasing heat. The taller pulled away, staring straight into confusion. “But I wasn’t joking about that.” He smiled suddenly before taking a step back. “Alright, let’s go!”

‘Sudden attitude change?’ Mitsukuni almost hesitantly followed him, exiting the library.

It was quiet the entire way down the hall, save for the muted voices of teachers in a nearby classroom. Since it was after regular school hours and most of the clubs had let out, nearly everyone was gone. It was questionable for Mitsukuni to speak, let alone ask anything on his mind.

His eyes traveled to Yayoi as they walked. ‘How can he be so calm after doing that?’ The thought almost echoed in his head. Watching his friend walk beside him, only a third metre away, a sigh escaped into the silent air.

“Yayoi… since you… kissed me, doesn’t that mean you…” His pace slowed as he searched his mind for words. Heart growing fast again, Mitsukuni stopped completely an leaned against one of the cold metal lockers that lined the hallway. “I’m not sure what to do now…”

“Hm?” Yayoi spun on his heel and neared the younger of the two. “What’s bothering you?” Again, soft emerald-gold eyes found their way to Mitsukuni’s. One hand laid on his left shoulder, a comforting gesture.

“You are!” Mitsukuni stammered, finally having the courage to look up at him. “I honestly can’t figure you out! One moment you’re all happy, then the next you’re—“ Easily silenced by peach lips. After skipping three consecutive beats, his heart resumed at a quickened speed; face continuing to darken. Yayoi’s right hand migrated from shoulder to against the locker, the other taking its recently usual place at his waist. This kiss was different, being more open-mouthed than the preceding. His lips closed briefly around Mitsukuni’s lower one as he moved away. “…doing that.”

The younger male’s eyes shook, unsure to look away or not. His ragged breathing tickled Yayoi’s lips, leaving a similar tingle as the kiss did to Mitsukuni’s. he could feel his knees weaken against Yayoi’s, knowing the cause was aware of his own effect.

“I’m not sure why, Mitsu-chan. I’ve just grown to love you.” His eyes glanced away quickly before attracting back to darker one’s. the hold around his waist involuntarily loosened. “Now I just wonder if you hate me for it.”

Mitsukuni shook his head slightly, “No, I wouldn’t hate you for that. It doesn’t hurt me for you to love me… It just,” his eyes wavered, knowing how his friend must feel after spilling his heart, “hurts a little for me to know that I don’t love you back.” Dark brown hair blocked his eyes from seeing the possibly hurt expression on Yayoi’s face. “If it helps you… I won’t stop you.” He lifted his head to face him again, expressionless.

Yayoi managed a small smile. “I’m not going to use you.” He pressed their lips together, in a way contradicting what was just said. “But I want you to change that…” His hand moved from the locker to the younger teen’s neck, gently weaving his fingers through the dark tresses as he kissed him again.

As much as he wanted to, for Yayoi, Mitsukuni couldn’t bring himself to kiss back. He couldn’t. in the past six years, Yayoi had always been just been a friend, it was difficult to think of him as anything else. And Yayoi was… another male. That hadn’t even crossed his mind.

Breaking the kiss, Mitsukuni frowned. “I’m sorry, I cant… I can’t feel that way for you…” Without an answer, the brown-tressed found himself hugging the older male tightly. His tearful eyes closed and his face buried in a school uniform as he apologized again. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not much of a friend.”

“No, you’re fine the way you are. The best friend I’ve ever had.” Yayoi whispered into deep brown locks. “You don’t have to change for me.” He held him closely, almost heart broken himself. “Even if you don’t… I’ll change instead.”

“You don’t have to, Yayoi.” Mitsukuni said, finally clam to the situation. “You’re perfectly fine. You’re perfect. You’ve always been. It’s just I can’t…” His eyes focused aimlessly in front of him. “I’ve never been in love before. And never with another guy.” His hands tightened around the cloth of Yayoi’s jacket. “And if I could, I would force myself to love you, you know I would. You know I’d do just about anything for you.”

A sigh escaped under Yayoi’s breath. “You’re so frikin’ adorable.”

Neither decided to move for more than an entire moment, noting is possibly better not to right away or that neither wanted to. When they finally did, it would be because they both agreed to.

Mitsukuni breathed in his warm scent, unable to discern what exactly it consisted of. It was alarmingly comfortable, the scent and being in his arms. ‘No,’ he mentally shook his head, ‘I can’t… I can’t find any part of him alluring.’ He stepped back, his heel meeting with the wall. Only now he noticed he was still pressed between Yayoi and the cold metal of the locker. His arms loosened and slipped from the embrace, the elder teen following suit. “B-before we go… I… want you to... kiss me, again. I want to see for myself if I can love you.”

This surprised Yayoi, but he simply smiled and obliged, taking in the moment and pushing away the surroundings in his mind. Their lips touched, as always, Yayoi’s had been warm and inviting, although it had no effect on the other. The elder teen’s parted by slight and moved against Mitsukuni’s; but only enough to remain a light, but meaningful kiss.

When they parted, Mitsukuni’s eyes stared upward, stoic, but shaking. “I…” They looked as if they were contemplating tears. There had been a tingle where Yayoi’s lips had been, but not one of attraction With one hand still holding his jacket loosely, Mitsukuni bowed his head. “I can’t.”

“That’s alright,” Yayoi forced a smile and ran a hand over the younger’s hair. “Let’s just go now, alright?”

Mitsukuni reached his house. Sfter fumbling with the keys, he let himself inside. He kicked off his shoes by the door as his schoolbag slid from his shoulder, resting in the crook of his bent elbow. “Mom, I’m home,” his almost mono-tone voice carried into the next room where his mother had been reading a book.

“Mitsu, you’re home late. Is everything all right?” her hands, still holding the hardbound book, lowered to her knees. Her eyes followed her son up the stairs. Raising to her feet and abandoning the book that stole her attention for the past two hours, on the couch, she followed him to meet the closed door.

Mitsukuni sighed and fell into his desk chair. “Yayoi…” he whispered to the empty audience.

“Mitsu,” his mother called through the door. “Are you all right? Did something happen between you and Yayoi?” Her guess was dead-center, even if she was merely assuming. The two were best friends after all so there was no surprise.

The teen gasped inaudibly due to her being right, but he couldn’t tell her the truth. “No, Oka-san. Nothing. I just… walked home slower today. And I stayed after to study.” It was hard to lie to his mother, being that they had such a close relationship; but it was easier than stating the truth.

“You don’t sound so good, are you sure you’re all right?” Her voice had a slight worried tone to it, it hardly ever did.

“I’m fine,” the line was nearly a patent of his. He laid his head across his arms with another sigh. “Is Tou-san coming home tonight?”

“Sorry. He’s working late again tonight. Work’s being piled onto him.” His mother sighed, leaning against the door. He was rarely home, being given more tasks at his new job; it was hard on all of them. “But I’m making onigiri and toriyaki udon. I’d really like it if you ate it. I’m getting better at cooking lately. So when your father comes back, I’ll be good enough for him.” She daydreamt hopelessly to herself. Since their marriage, a part of her vow was to be the perfect cook for him. It had already taken 15 years.

“Yeah, I’ll be down later.” Mitsukuni closed his eyes. “I’ve got a lot of homework and studying to do.”

“Are your grades dropping again?”

“Mom… they’re fine. I have a test coming up.” Again, it was difficult to lie.

“If you need any help, you can call over Yayoi, since I wouldn’t be too much help myself. I wouldn’t mind having him over for dinner. He thinks I’m a wonderful cook already,” she smiled.

“Oka-san, you’re too modest,” Mitsukuni laughed. “But I couldn’t call Yayoi, not today…’

“Well, I’ll see you at dinner.” His mother, heading down the stairs to return to her book.

The teen’s eyes dropped to the spilt contents of his schoolbag. The novel laid the furthest out, front cover face-up. That book was the cause. If not a cause, a catalyst. How long exactly did Yayoi harbor an attraction to him? Of six years, how many? More of a question, how long had he liked guys?

It was too much too think about at the moment. If a girl had liked him, he would have possibly known a way to handle it.

“Mitsu! Dinner’s ready!” his mother called up the stairs, hoping he hadn’t fallen asleep on his studies. She watched the door atop the staircase open. She excitedly announced, “the onigiri are a little awkward… overdone I’d say, but the udon is near to perfect! You will love it!” When it came to a cooking accomplishment, one could compare her joy to that of a child receiving a puppy.

“You seem happy about it.” Mitsukuni made his way down the stairs and followed his mother.

“Of course I am, Mitsu. I got it right.” Her lips wore a wide, proud smile. “Your father would be amazed.”

They seated themselves at the table, set neatly with lacquer dishware and matching chopsticks. It was pretty amazing that his mother pulled such a feat. And without scorching the kitchen, that was an added bonus.

“Itadakimasu!” the both said, all too enthusiastically before beginning to eat. Mitsukuni almost hesitantly lifted a onigiri to his mouth bit into its soft texture. Surprisingly, it was better than he assumed. It wasn’t that she was a bad cook, it’s just that she wouldn’t get everything right. Sometimes barely edible.

“Well, at least I’m not dead,” Mitsukuni joked, twirling the udon noodles with his chopsticks. “And the sauce ian’t as thick as it should be.”

“Oh? Since when did you become a food critic?” She pointed with the lacquer utensils, an eyebrow raised. “I think I did pretty good.” She smiled, lifting another set of noodles to her mouth.

Whenever Mitsukuni and his mother were together, they hardly seemed related in that way. She was more like an older sister rather than a mother.