hellhound

it's a disease, this shivering,
makes me feel like i could
(ripoffmyskin) turn away and
run. but only brave people face
their fears: cowardcoward.

his fingers touching me; haunting
me—like they're prying down my throat—
(goawaygoaway) my pen burns into the
paper and there is laughter as i lose focus.

(today, dear diary,
i wanted to crawl into
a hole and die. it was like
being 10 all over again.)

so i shiver again, pick up my
planner and run away like the
coward i am. safe is away from
these lies (and i want to block it
out) but when i shut my eyes

he's still there.

(dear diary,
he finds it so funny.
the way i beg him to
leave me alone. it's like
being 10 all over again.)

and i writhe in the cubicle,
fingernails digging into my skin
(dirty, dirty, who'll love you now?)
but no matter how hard i try, i still
can't get his touch off me.

(dear diary,
my eyes are red and
they hurt. everyone turned
a blind eye again. it's like
being 10 all over again.)

'fuckfuckfuck,' and there is
blood, so much of it but, at
the same time, not enough. i
bite my lip and pull my blazer
over it.
(child, it's time to hide
the monster within you.)

(dear diary,
today i bled for the
first time in four months.
it's just like when i was 10
all over again.)

i go back to hell & he's
touching me again. skin
crawling, eyes burning with
the shame and—

(dear mother,
where are you now?
it's happening again,
it's just like when i was 10.)

they've turned their
backs on me.

author's notes : i hate what i went through. i hate him for reminding me of it.i hate my family for ignoring me. i hate my friends for doing the same.