Self Discovery Through Trial and Error by Question

How do you understand someone’s character and is it in our darker nature to want to know their character solely for the purpose of manipulating it for our own vain uses? How, in the first place, do you understand something so infinite and subject to change as someone’s character? And, when you spend time with someone, are you seeing the part of their character that they want everyone else to see, or are you seeing the part of their character that taps into their desires and inherent nature? Does anyone, even the person themselves, understand the difference? Have we confused ourselves to the point of not knowing and understanding the black corners of our own hearts? Much less, how can we hope to understand someone else’s when we don’t even know our own?

Do we understand the core of our being? What is the core of our being? Is it what we believe in? Is it what our parents have told us?

Every day I look at myself in the mirror and wonder who I am. I wonder how I will act or react? I wonder who will even care to notice? Who will I meet today that will have a first impression of me, and what will they think? Then I begin to wonder if it’s even possible for anyone to love someone who’s so undecided, someone who’s so hypocritical? I am wretched! Every day is a difficult decision set before me: a challenge for me to discover who I am and why I’m that way in the first place? But it seems like I let situations rule me, not the desire to discover who I truly am. And it’s for this very reason that I am so hypocritical: because I act different every day in the pursuit to figure out who I am. And the worst part is when I forget to guard my actions carefully, I come out as obtrusive, loud, and obnoxious. I sometimes think that I could easily be one of those popular bitches who makes everyone’s life a living hell, or just someone utterly annoying.

I take a deep breath, look back in the mirror, and decide that, above all things, I am confused. I cannot figure out who I am and I cannot hide it by pretending to be someone else, because if I don’t know who I am, then how am I supposed to know what to cover up?