I put my hand over my belly.

Many lives ago there was a little being growing inside of it.

But now there is only a virtually hollow spot.

I ponder this feeling as a feel the scar from the c- section.

I try to remember what it felt like to have something inside, and I try to remember the feeling of actually being able to feel.

I haven’t been able to feel any emotion since I let go of my baby not too many years ago.

Suddenly, my pager, which is clamped onto my belt, starts to vibrate.

And almost for an instant do I feel like there might be something in my belly again.

Out of surprise, my body takes a miniscule hop.

I reluctantly take my pager off my belt, and look at the screen.

I am needed at work immediately.

So, I hobble off of the sofa, and put my sneakers on, grab my purse, and find my keys.

And with that, I am off.

I arrive at work several minutes later.

I run into the staff room, put on my blue scrubs, and arrive at the emergency room two minutes later.

To my left, I see a teenager on a stretcher, and to my right I see an infant also on a stretcher.

I hustle towards the teenager, because I don’t think that I can handle looking at the infant.

I assist the other doctors and nurses with the patient, and three hours later, I have a break.

For my break, I have decided to go to the cafeteria.

I get a soup, a carton of plain milk.

I take a seat at am empty table next to an enormous window, which has a lovely view of the hospitals expansive blacktop parking lot, a view of a couple of new developments, a lot of vast nothingness.

I eat my soup in silence, occasionally glancing at people as they walk in.

I open my milk carton, but the carton slips out of my finger, and I drop it onto the tray where the blinding white milk floods the tray.

I then look at my styrofoam soup bowl- it has nothing in it.

I put my milk carton to the side of tray, where it won’t become soggy from the spilt milk.

But my eye glances inside of it- there was not even an ounce of milk left to drink left in it.

I then realize that this feeling is empty.