A/N: This is a true story. I’m not even joking. It happened from November 2006 to May 2007. Spread the word. Jackasses need to be stopped…or at least kicked.

THE JACKASS

Okay, so here is The Full Story.

A while ago Jackass was at Short One's house, right? This was in November, AKA the Day After Doritos’ Birthday.

So anyways, he called because Short One couldn't work the phone, RIGHT? (Short One is not very clever sometimes, considering his math and science grades.)

And then Jackass wouldn't give the phone back and we ended up talking until Short One basically body-slammed him for the phone.

So then LATER ON he called me back and we talked MUSIC for the next four weeks.

During that time period, we had hung out at the mall once.

ANYWAYS, during that day we all took the wrong bus home and had to walk to my house, Jackass and Short One followed me home.

During the ten-minute walk from Squellys' house to mine, we started playing Truth or Dare because we were just that bored.

So ANYWAYS, I had to flip a coin and kiss someone. Heads for Jackass and tails for Short One.

I landed on heads.

Now, apparently he'd liked me for a while after we started having our delightful little conversations, riiiight?

So ANYWAYS, I kissed him, no big deal.

And THEN when I was walking them to the train station because apparently he and Short One lack the ability to walk in a straight line for a mile or so and then turn left to a fairly obvious train station. (Later on I discovered that it took them an hour and a half, downhill.)

And ANYWAYS, the train station is around a corner, and during the turning of the corner, he told Short One to keep on going because he had to talk to me.

So after throwing Short One across the street and running the other direction and hiding behind a bush, he asked if he could say goodbye to me properly.

NOW, at the time, I liked him too, right?

So I said sure, why not?

So after a not-so-quick goodbye (NO, WE DID NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT. HE KISSED ME, I KISSED BACK. I AM WILLING TO ADMIT THAT. NO CLOTHING WAS REMOVED, AND NOTHING WAS FELT UP. WE WERE JUST HIDING FROM A FAIRLY OBLIVIOUS SHORT ONE.) he headed off for the train station.

And then THE NEXT DAY...

He called! Duh!

So anyways we were talking and it was all...about the previous day, right?

Anywho, after like an HOUR...or three...OF TALKING, he was all...like...

"Would you go out with me?"

I said sure.

And then after that, we didn't really see each other, and he kinda stopped calling after a while, which was around when I met Shadow

ANYWAYS, I have talked to him ONCE, and that was because Short One called and then Jackass stole the phone.

Anyways, a little before that, my friend Shadow made me aware of the fact that he has a new girlfriend, as in, he asked out someone else while completely ignoring me and not-quite calling anything off, even though nothing really happened in the first place.

So anyways, I have this theory that he thinks I've already told Shadow the story (even though at the time, I hadn’t), and he's avoiding me because he doesn't want to hurt me, even though, frankly, I don't give a damn, and I like someone else anyways!

So after this conversation, Shadow and I were still talking. And this is a continuation of the story.

You see, Jackass’ new girlfriend turns out to be Shadow’s current girlfriend.

Shadow’s current girlfriend goes to my high school, which shall remain nameless for the sole purpose of ‘I don’t want to be stalked’.

Jackass is no longer a friend.

Shadow is officially a good guy for all this.

Jackass is officially a jackass.

Short One is, and always has been, oblivious, and HE WILL NOT HEAR OF THIS, UNDERSTOOD, DINURIEL, SQUELLYS, AND ICEDRAGON?

Squellys is awesome, and since that’s not her real name, I can use it and not get yelled at.

Doritos is still awesome.

Moving on. Jackass has no caller ID, so we plan to harass him day in and day out by calling at unreasonable hours. If you live in Canada and think that Jackass needs to be screamed at, tell me and I may give you info.

And THAT, dear friends, is the story of The Jackass. True events. True results.