|Promises that My Parents Made
Author: Ushuaia PM
Heidi was a wild child, causing trouble wherever she went. When her 18th birthday comes, actions that her parents took come to light, and her whole life changes. Saying goodbye to everything she knows, she plunges to new, unimaginable depths.Rated: Fiction T - English - Fantasy/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,918 - Reviews: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 05-14-07 - Published: 05-06-07 - id: 2358024
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"He's crazy, I'm crazy," I whispered, as I stood on the pier at midnight. If nothing happens here tonight, it's all nuts. No mystery man is going to show up here. I'm going to college, I'm going to get an education and stop being the Martha's Vineyard whore. I'm not special, I'm just hallucinating. It's the drugs, all the drugs.
"Oh my God," I whispered, as I watched a school of dolphins leap from the water and flip in the air, "This isn't happening. None of this is real."
The dolphins leapt again in the moonlight. Twisting and dancing in the air.
"Show yourself to me," I whispered in the darkness before raising my voice, "Gabriel! You show yourself to me right now!"
Watching the dolphins leap again, and swim in circles around the pier, what are they doing? Oh, this is too weird!
"Where are you!"
"Hey, what's going on down there?"
"Fuck," I said under my breath, glaring at the night sea, "Are you there? If I threw myself into the water, would you save me?"
"Hands in the air!"
"Bite me!" I snapped, leaping over the rail and into the cold ocean below. Crashing into the cold water 20 feet below, I let out an involuntary laugh as the dolphins circled around me.
"I'm here! Come and get me!" I bellowed, as a wave hit me in the face, "This is all bullshit! You don't exist!
Coughing as another wave slammed me into a pillar, the world went fuzzy around me.
"Open your eyes, Heidi," a voice begged, "You're scaring me, Sweetie. Please, Heidi. You fight everything else, so fight for this too."
"Mom?" I murmured, "Mom, where am I?"
"Ssh, in the hospital."
"You rest," she said, kissing my forehead, "Oh, Heidi, what were you thinking?"
"You saved me?" I asked, as Gabriel looked at me in the dark water.
"For the second time," he said, holding me to him, "Don't be afraid, Heidi. Not of me, not of what is to come."
"What is happening to me?" I asked softly, as he combed through my hair, "Who are you? Are you real?"
"My love," he whispered, tilting my face to his, "I'll keep you safe."
"I'm very real. Heidi, I will come to you again. We will be together."
I stared at him, as he kissed my forehead and stroked back my hair, "You're just my dream."
"You will be my Queen."
"Just a dream."
"If you want to believe that now, that is fine. You will come in time. Wake up, Heidi."
"Mom?" I asked again, as I woke up again, "Where am I?"
"You're at the hospital. Your Dad is talking to the doctor," Mom said, stroking back my hair, "Oh, Heidi, what were you thinking? Were you trying to hurt yourself?"
"It doesn't matter."
"What is wrong with you?"
"Just me being a whore," I spat, as the anger boiled up again, "Just a druggie whore."
"Heidi, calm down," she cried, "Please, stop!"
"Heidi jumped off a pier?" Katie asked, "Does she know about us? She was acting really weird yesterday."
"Heidi the whore?" Matt asked, "She's fucked half this island. She doesn't care. She was probably just stoned."
"Heidi isn't a whore. She's . . . I think she's really screwed up sometimes."
"Yeah, she's screwed up. The girl insane with the shit she pulls. I'm surprised she's not dead yet."
"I don't need a shrink," I spat, as my parents came back with the doctor, "I'm fine."
"What were you doing jumping off the pier?" Dad asked, "Were you high again? Drunk?"
"Why do you care? After what you did?"
"What are you talking about?" he asked, "Heidi, what is going on?"
I glared at him, not knowing where that came from, "It's nothing."
He sat on the edge of the bed, "Heidi? What are you talking about? Why did you jump off the pier?"
"Maybe I wanted to die," I hissed, "You should of let me die."
"Heidi is weird," Sarah sighed, as my siblings sat around our wing in our almost empty hotel, "I can't wait until she goes away to college. She's a slut."
"What's a slut?" Meredith asked, "Heidi is pretty."
"It's a bad thing," Sarah sighed, looking at her younger siblings, "She's such a . . . God. Mom and Dad should kick her out."
"She could live on the beach!" Henry laughed, "Heidi likes the beach."
"And the ocean!" Mike added, "She's always swimming."
"What's wrong with her?" Jason said lowly, "She just jumped? They wouldn't . . . It's not time yet."
"Does she know?" Janet whispered, "She said . . . They didn't find any alcohol or drugs in her system. She can't die."
"I know she can't die. We made sure of that."
"I don't want to lose her. Not to them, not to anyone. There has to be another way. Some other trade we can make. I would go in her place."
"He wants Heidi. He says she's going to be his Queen."
"She's our daughter! She isn't a . . . We have to stop this from happening to her."
"Mr. and Mrs. Hathaway?" Dr. Chase said, "I've finished examining Heidi. She has minor cuts and bruises, a concussion, and the hypothermia is wearing off. Considering the fall she took, she was very lucky. Did they ever find the person who pulled her out of the water?"
Jason paused, "No. I talked to Jackson Henderson, he heard yelling and called 911. He never saw the person."
Jason nodded, "Yeah."
"Can I go back in?" Janet asked, "She's still awake?"
"Go in," he said, "I want her to rest, and she should be able to go home tomorrow."
"Oh, Heidi," Mom sighed, coming back in, "How are you feeling, Sweetie?"
"I'm fine, Mom," I lied. I'm not fine, I'm scared, and I don't know what is happening to me. Why did I jump? Just because of some dolphins. Gabriel? He was there . . . He saved me.
"You scared us, Sweetheart. What happened?"
"You know me. The big disappointment. Don't worry, I'll be gone soon."
"Do not say that."
"What? I'm going to college. I'll just stay there. I won't be a whore there. I'll be a better person."
"Heidi, you aren't a whore."
"Really? You want to know how many guys I've been with? You don't hear the whispers, Mom?" I laughed, not knowing why I wanted to hurt her so badly, "Locals, tourists, the help? Surprised? You should be glad to get rid of me."
"What happened to my little girl?"
"Maybe you'll have better luck with the others."
"This isn't you. I don't know what you're doing, Heidi, when you changed into this hate filled thing. Please talk to me, this isn't teenage angst. Who hurt you so badly?"
"I can't talk to you!" I cried, "You should know!"
"I can't!" I cried, not able to get the words past my throat, "I'm so tired of all of this! Why can't everyone leave me alone?"
"Because you're our daughter," Dad said, walking into the room, "We love you, and we want to help you. And you need help, Heidi. You're going to see a shrink starting tomorrow, and if that doesn't do any good, we'll put you in a mental hospital."
"You can't threaten me."
"It's not a threat, Heidi," Dad continued, "You're going to get help."
"I don't need a doctor," I whispered, "I just need . . . I want to go."
"Why are you doing this to me?" I begged, "Please, just leave me alone."
He smiled at me in the moonlight, "You've never been scared of me."
I pulled back, "I jumped because of you."
"You jumped because you are impulsive, willful, and you don't think of the consequences of your actions."
"Much like both your parents," he continued, "They made a choice years ago, that is why I am here. It's why I've been with you for all these years. Keeping you safe, watching over you, loving you."
"What choice?" I begged, feeling something bump against my legs, "What was that."
He kissed my forehead, "All in time, Heidi."
"What are you?"
He looked at me, as that devastating smiled crept onto his face, "You are asking the right questions."
"You're not a who?"
"I am both. Oh, Heidi," he sighed, playing with my wet hair, "You are so special, so wonderful. I live for our talks."
"Gabriel," I breathed, "I feel so safe with you, but so out of control at the same time. Is something . . . Is something really going to happen to me?"
He kissed me again, "Oh, you will see."
"Are you hurt?" Sarah asked, "Mom and Dad were worried."
I looked up from my bed at home, "I know they were. I'm fine."
"Were you trying to kill yourself?"
I shook my head, "No. I was . . . I don't know what I was doing."
"Maybe you just should."
"I know you've heard the stories about me. That people whisper about me, and how it reflects on you. Don't be like me, Sarah. Don't let my reputation destroy you."
"You're a whore!"
"I know," I said quietly, feeling oddly at peace, "I've made a lot of mistakes. I have a lot to be ashamed of. I'm sorry, Sarah, I'm sorry for a lot of things."
"Look who it is," Katie said, as she and Matt walked in, "What were you thinking?"
I shrugged, "I was bored."
"I think you just wanted to skip more school," Matt said, hopping on the bed and looking over at Sarah, "Can you go?"
"Bye," Sarah said, rolling her eyes at me.
"Your sister sucks. Fat thing," Matt said, running his hands up and down my body, "Not like you, Baby."
"Sarah is nothing like me," I said, "I wouldn't want her to be."
"Bonfire tomorrow nigh," Katie said, "You ready to go out and party? Your parents going to let you out?"
"Tomorrow?" I asked numbly, "Probably."
"Plenty more baby," Matt laughed, "All summer. You have a joint?"
I shook my head, feeling completely numb all over, "No. My Mom confiscated my stash."
"No pain killers?" Katie asked, "You have to have something."
"I want to think clearly right now . . . My dreams are strange enough," I whispered, "Do you ever . . . They're just so strange."
"Heidi?" Katie asked, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I lied, looking up at them, "I really just want to sleep."
"Come on. Lets get out of here," Matt countered, "You're not that hurt. It's only a 20 foot drop."
"I'm really tired," I repeated. I want to dream again. Talk, be, with Gabriel . . . Find out what is going to happen to me. Why can't I find the words to say, "I'll see you guys tomorrow."
"You show yourself to me!" Janet screamed at the crashing waves, "Right now! I know you're out there! You show yourself to me!"
"You don't have to shout," Gabriel sighed, breaking the surface, "I knew you would come."
Janet fell silent at the breathtaking creature in front of her. Slicked back and glistening ebony hair, eyes as dark as coal, chiseled features and a hard and toned body, that she knew tapered down to an emerald tail. The savior and the one who damned them to lose their daughter after all these years.
"You wanted to talk?" Gabriel asked, arching an eyebrow, "I thought you would be with your daughter. You don't have much time with her left."
"What did you do to her last night?" Janet hissed, "It was you, I know it was you! She jumped into the sea!"
"I've watched her for years. Heidi is a bit unpredictable," Gabriel laughed, "I saved her a second time for you."
"You made her jump."
He shook his head, "No. I drew her to the pier. I wanted to see her. She got scared, angry, and she leapt. She was drowning."
"Death would be a better option then becoming like you!"
"I promised you that I would save her. I've given her immortality, and I will give her a life unimaginable to you," Gabriel continued, "I gave you 16 years with your daughter. She would be long dead if not for me, so hold onto that. Heidi will want for nothing."
"Does she know?"
Gabriel fell silent, "She thinks she has been having dreams. I am not sure if she really understands what is going to come. I won't hurt her."
"If you don't want to hurt her, just let her stay how she is," Janet begged, "Let her stay with her family."
Gabriel shook his head, "That cannot happen. That wasn't our deal. Heidi will join me. If she doesn't? Her illness will return, and she will die."
"This isn't fair. Take me instead. Just let Heidi be."
"You are a lovely lady, and I know you love your daughter. You and your husband would not have made the deal if you did not love her. You wanted her to live, and she will. She will live forever, never want for a thing, and she will be happy. I will make her happy."
"Will we see her again?"
"That's really up to her. I enjoy humans, I find them amusing. She may be drawn to her life here, or she may not. We will wait and see. She's very willful, isn't she?"
"You can't have her."
Gabriel smiled that devastating smile again, "I've had her since that night. I've watched her grow into a lovely woman, she will make a fine queen. I don't want her to be scared. Bring her to me, I'll help her through the changes to come. Some can be hidden as they happen, but as they advance? She will need my help."
"Never. We're here family, we'll take care of her. Even if she has to become . . . A mermaid, we will take care of her. We're Heidi's family."
His smile faded, "You will keep her? Where? The bathtub? Your hotel pool? Let her be a spectacle for humans to watch? You would do that to her?"
"Then don't let this happen."
"None of us can stop it. You won't be able to keep her, the call of the sea is too strong. It's already starting to rush through her veins. The changes are haunting her, she will change on her birthday. Heidi will make her home in the sea with me. She will know nothing but happiness with me, and she will want for nothing. You keep her from me, from the sea, she won't be the only one to suffer."
"You don't scare me."
Gabriel laughed, "You promised me your daughter. You have two others."
He shook back his hair, "You can't stop what has already started. All you can do is be there for her. Janet, enjoy the time you have with her. Mend what is broken. I will see you soon."
I puffed on my joint, as I looked at the half full moon glittering above the water. It's so beautiful . . . It controls the tides, the sea . . . I always loved the sea.
I turned to look at Meredith staring at me from the doorway, "It's late. You should be in bed."
"I had a nightmare."
I sighed, as I stabbed my joint out, "I've had a lot of bad dreams lately. What was it about?"
"Monsters. I kept crying for Mommy and Daddy, but they were too busy."
"Listen. Mom and Dad love you," I stressed, "I think they love all us more then we know. Just . . . Stay close to them. Let them know how you feel. Make them laugh and smile. Grow up and . . . Live a wonderful life."
I smiled at her, and tucked her hair behind her ear, "You need to go back to bed."
"Can you tell me a story?"
I paused, "Okay . . . A long time ago, there was this girl."
"Was she pretty?"
"Very pretty," I whispered, "And very sick. So sick her parents thought she was going to die. The doctors couldn't help her, nothing could."
"Did she die?"
I shook my head, "Her parents wouldn't let her. They went to the water, and prayed for a miracle for their little girl. And they got their miracle. From the depths of the water, came a man. A magical man, a merman. He promised that he would save their daughter, but it would come at a cost. She would have to go live in the sea after she turned 18."
"She would be a mermaid?"
I forced my voice not to tremble, "She would change into a mermaid, and go live with him. And the other ones. She would leave her family behind. Her family agreed, they wanted her to live. And she did, until it was time for the merman to collect on the deal. He had watched the girl grow up, and had fallen in love with her."
"Did she love him too?"
"She was confused. Scared. She dreamt of him, of the sea. She knew she was going to change, and we watched her body for any sign she was changing into a mermaid. She couldn't talk about it, she looked at the water, watching for him."
"Did she change?"
Not knowing how I knew this story, and wanting to give her a happy ending, I smiled at her, "The girl went down to the water, and stood in the shallows. She wasn't afraid, she knew the merman loved her. He swam in front of her, offered her his hand. She walked as far as she could, until the bottom disappeared under her feet. He told her not to be afraid, kissed her. When he kissed her, her whole body trembled, and her legs began to shake. And suddenly she wasn't standing, she was swimming. She looked down, and all she saw was that sapphire tail."
"She was a mermaid?"
I nodded, "And she wasn't afraid. She kissed him again, and the dove under the water together. And then they lived happily ever after."
"What about her family? Didn't they miss her?"
I bit my lip, "They knew she was alive. That she was happy. They never forgot her."
"That's sad. Why couldn't she stay?"
"It's the way the world works," I said softly, "She was happy in the sea. She loved and was loved."
"Heidi? Are you crying?"
"You need to go back to bed? I love you, Meredith. I'm really sleepy too."
"You spoke to him?" Jason said, "After all these years?"
"He said she's going to change. That nothing we can do can stop it. He said to enjoy the time we had left. Her birthday is in a week. What if she wakes up with a tail?"
Jason shook his head, "No. It'll be midnight on her birthday."
"Little things will happen first," Janet sobbed, "He said he wouldn't let her be scared or hurt. That he would help her through this. Her birthday . . . He say's she'll know what to do."
Thinking of the story I told Meredith last night, where did I hear it? Probably some book I read . . . A story they told me?
"She said Mom and Dad had a book on mermaids," I whispered, driven by something deep inside of me. Watching as they cars pulled out of the driveway, I stared down the dark hallway. Their room, it has to be in their room. Walking quickly, I slid in and shut the door behind me. Staring at their whitewashed furniture sitting on hardwood floors, I tried not to feel guilty about what I was doing. They don't want me to see it, how do I know that? Opening the closet door, I stared at the rows of clothes, Reaching under Mom's sweaters, I pulled the thin volume out. Dusting off the leather cover, I shivered at the oldness of it. The prestige, it was revered . . . I know this. Afraid to move, to breath, I opened the cover and looked at the ancient writing.
"Magic?" I whispered, flipping through the pages, "Oh my God."
Feeling my knees turn to jelly, I stared at the images before me, "Wishes? No . . . It's not true. Stories, they're just stories."
"We'll leave the island," Jason said, after they dropped the others off at school, "We'll take her far away from here, he'll never get near her."
Janet shook her head, "It won't matter. She'll still change. She'll just be a . . . In the middle of the desert somewhere. She'll die."
"Better dead then a fish."
"He loves her . . . I saw it when I talked to her. He said he'd keep her safe, that she would be happy. That he would help her through the changes. Oh, they're going to start so soon. A mermaid . . . Our daughter is going to be a mermaid."
"She will not be one. We'll find another way."
"We promised . . . He saved her life, we've had 16 years with her. It's not enough. We should tell her, prepare her."
"No. Heidi will never know."
I stared at myself in the mirror. Long blond hair, big blue eyes, the perfect all American girl. Curves in all of the right places, long legs. Legs, I thought, no this is crazy. I always meet Gabriel in the water. He isn't real, they're just dreams . . . I am not . . . There are no such things!
"I was so sick," I said aloud, "The story I told Meredith . . . No. My birthday, the moon, these things aren't real. Gabriel is a hallucination. I won't smoke pot anymore, I'll be fine. Fine."
"She is a beautiful girl, Gabriel."
He nodded, "Jackson, always good to see you."
"She knows something is happening. She doesn't know what, but she is scared. Her parents haven't told her."
"They can't tell her. It's part of our deal. She'll notice small changes in her body, she'll try to hide them. She'll come to me, I'll guide her through the transformation."
"Her parents plan to take her off the island."
He shook his head, "They can't. They know what will happen."
"She'll revert right away?"
Gabriel nodded, "They have two weeks a year, and not this close to the date. They leave, she will become a mermaid wherever they are. They do not want them for her."
"They want her to stay human."
"Of course they do. They're her parents, they love her. They sold her future to give her a chance at life. She knows me, she trusts me. She thinks that they're just dreams," Gabriel trailed off, "I don't want to hurt her, I don't want this to be a painful experience for her. I should go to her. Bring her to a safe place, where she can change in peace. Where she won't be afraid of it."
"That wasn't your deal. Not until her birthday."
"You must watch her. Take her someplace . . . The cave, the pool."
"They will start soon. She is a beautiful girl."
"She will be so much more."
"I am crazy. I'm at a museum," I murmured, "While I'm suspended from school? And why? Because of some crazy dreams and this stupid book?"
Wrapping my sweatshirt more tightly around myself, as I wandered from room to room. Unsure of what I was really looking for, why I was really here, I let my eyes drift from painting to paint.
"Holy fuck," I whispered, looking at the painting. Not Jackson's, done well before his time. Gabriel, I thought, looking at thing leaping through the waves. Shivering through my sweatshirt, I turned to the next, and all the ones following it. Gabriel. All different dates and times . . . So faint in some, so prominent in the others, "No. Not real."
"Hey, what are you doing?" the guard called, as I reached out to touch one, "Hey, Heidi. What are you doing here?"
I shrugged, "Hi, Bill. I got suspended from school. Just keeping occupied."
"I can think of a better way," he said lowly, grinning at me, "I have a break coming up."
"I have a boyfriend."
"Ah come oh, Heidi. Since when has that stopped you?" Bill said, grabbing my ass, "I've heard you've gotten better."
"Stop being an ass," I spat, slapping his hands away, "Get away from me."
"You're half this islands play thing, and I'm not good enough for you?" Bill laughed, "We used to have so much fun."
"I'm not in the mood," I retorted, looking at him clad in blue polyester, "I just want to look at the pictures, okay? What is this room?"
"You never get out of the bed, do you?" Bill sighed, "You grew up on this island, Heidi. What do you think this room is?"
"All these pictures have the same man."
Bill snorted, "He's not a man. Look closer."
"The dates on the paintings are so far apart," I trailed off, "It can't be the same man."
"Not a man," Bill sighed, "Don't you listen?"
"Of course it's a man."
I gulped, as I looked at the bodies leaping from the burning ship and Gabriel swimming amongst them. In 1756. Looking at the next one, 1782, Gabriel again, swimming. Gulping, as I continued to go along the wall, 1799, 1814, 1878, 1902, 1918, 1956, all the way until this year. Gabriel.
"He's not a man," I whispered, staring at the painting from 1878, "He's a . . . Those aren't real. It's just a legend, myth."
"It's the same one, he's always been here."
I paused in front of on of Jackson's paints. Gabriel, swimming amongst the brightly colored weeds. His beautiful face, the devastating smile, his hard, well developed chest. Swallowing as I stared at the emerald tail where his legs would be. A merman? My mystery man is a fish?
"Who is he?" I whispered, "They painted him so many times."
"Do you have no sense of history?"
I shook my head, still captivated my his image. A merman, I know him. He wants me to come to him. To be with him, "No . . . This isn't happening. Not to me.
"Heidi?" Bill asked, as I back away slowly from the art, "Is
"I need to know," I whispered, "Are there books? Something that tells me about him?"
"Him!" I cried, pointing at the painting, "That thing!"
"The merman? There are a lot of stories. We sell a book downstairs."
"She didn't leave a note?" Jason asked, "She just left?"
"Since when does Heidi do that?" Janet sighed, "She wouldn't, couldn't . . .We still have time with her."
"We have a lifetime with her."
She shook her head, "No. We need to tell her. I don't care what happens to me if I do, I am not letting her go through this alone. He said he would help her, that he would be with her. Oh, Jason, he loves her. I saw it when I talked to him."
"I don't care if he loves her! We're not just handing over our daughter!"
Turning my back on the water, I opened the book. Merman, mermaids, oh this so isn't real. He's been spotted in these waters for so many years . . . It can't be. Why would I be dreaming of him? Shivering, as I pulled out the book from my parents closet and just looked at the two for a moment. Thumbing through the old book, I stared down at the chant that so captivated me earlier that morning. Wishes, looking for magical answers. Summoning a mermaid.
"Gabriel," I whispered, "Just stories. Myths. Not real."
Wiping back my tears, I turned to book of sightings, stories, of the merman. My merman. Stories . . . So many stories. He wants me to come to him. To join him. I won't! I can't!
"Heidi!" Katie called, jogging up to me, "What are you doing out here?"
"In the park?" I asked, shoving the books back in my bag, "Just out."
"Reading? You?" she giggled, "What are you really up to?"
I bit my lip, trying to block out the sound of the ocean, "Hey, have you ever heard about the merman?"
"Oh, the one that supposedly lives around here? Everyone knows that."
I nodded, wondering why the hell I didn't, "But is he real?"
Katie looked at me strangely, "I don't know. I've never seen him. Of course he isn't real. That's like saying the Loch Ness Monster is real, or the Boogie Man. It's just stuff they tell kids and tourists. You really haven't heard the stories?"
I shook my head, "What stories?"
"It's all about how people want something for nothing. Fame, fortune, they traded for it. There was a sailor who wanted gold, and the merman appeared. All he had to do was give him his first born son, and he would be rich. The sailor was young and naïve, so he agreed. So be became rich, married some beautiful girl, and they started having babies. Then the merman came to collect, his marriage fell apart, and his wife flung himself into the sea."
"Like the painting," I whispered, remembering the picture with the falling body and the faint outline of Gabriel in the sea, "Tell me more."
"You're being weird," she sighed, "Just more like that. Other stories about sailors falling in love with mermaids and joining them in the sea. They make deals with humans, things that don't seem like a big deal, but the always collect."
"Like the one who came to collect the son?" Katie said, "The story goes he took the boy, and brought him into the sea. He sprouted a tail and gills, and just swam off."
"Tail and gills?" I repeated numbly, scratching my itchy legs, "The kid just turned into a fish?"
"Not a fish. He turned into a merman, or a merboy."
"That can happen?"
"Of course it can't happen. It's legend, a myth," Katie groaned, "Why are you so interested in all of this all of sudden?"
"I'm suspended," I lied, "It's either this or cleaning the hotel. I have to go. I'll call you later."
"It's getting dark," Janet sighed, "She isn't answering her phone."
"I'm calling the police," Jason insisted, "They'll find her."
"What if she . . . What if she's gone?"
"Her birthday isn't for a week. There aren't any boats or planes leaving this late. She's probably drunk."
I stared at the sea. My mind is just warped from all the drugs. They're just paintings, legends, the crap we tell tourists. Gabriel is just the guy I wish Matt was, the way he treats me is the way I want to be treated. Not like a whore. Not like Heidi Hathaway . . . I almost wish I was as special as he makes me feel. College, I'll be different in college. I'll be smart. Funny. I won't drink, smoke, shoot up . . . I'll be a scholar. No one will know what I was.