Dear Diary,

Love is a waste of time. It’s just a waste of time and energy and a waste of endless minutes, putting up your hair in the exact right way. I think I’ve given up entirely on love, in its whole, amazing self. It’s just useless now. To me, it’s just lost its magic. I’ll be a single mom if I have to.

It’s just, if I ever become like Regina, all crumpled and given up, I think I’d die. Now all she is is Erik. She’s nothing more than a talking, walking thing of Erik’s. It’s like she’s the broken piece of him he’s been missing. I can’t say she hasn’t done anything for him. She made him quit smoking and throw away the stupid graffiti act, but now she’s nothing. My best friend is nothing but Erik’s.

You’d think she’d shut up and listen to herself once in a while. You’d think she’d listen to the words she’s saying, and realize that she can’t go six words without saying “Erik.”

Like today.

“Danni!” I called, running up to my other best friend. She turned away, perfect, wide blue eyes staring. Her eyebrows arched in that greatly-plucked way of theirs and she greeted me with a solitary wave of a hand. I ran up to her, last year’s soccer jersey sagging off of my frame. I can’t say I’m fat. I can’t say I’m skinning. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle.

“What’s up, Meredith?” she smiled, sitting down.

“Nothing! What’s up with you?” I asked cheerily. I shoved her a bit aside, making room for me to get on the bench. Danni would be popular. I guess she could be still. I guess she’s still got that standing position of being popular. But she gave it up for me. That, I think, amounts to all the love in the world. When she’s begin a turtle (I’ll explain in a moment) I forgive her, thinking of that day when she literally looked from me to the newly-created Popular Group, and chose me. She literally—not figuratively—walked over to me despite the popular girls’ looks. Somewhere in between a sneer and a smirk, it was menacing. But she chose me.

When I say Danni’s a turtle, I’m referring to when she’s quiet, self-enclosed, and not very talkative at all. She’s not usually like that—usually she’s happy and bouncy, talking about boys and gossip and fashion and making stupid, hilarious jokes—but sometimes, about once every week, she rolls herself up into her shell and is very distant. You can’t crack it and just have to wait for it to pass and then she’ll be back, optimistic and refreshed. It’s like you just dunked her in a icy, rolling creek after an exceptionally desert-hot day.

“Nothing. Did you see Joyce? I’m jealous of her hair cut and her hat,” said Danni. Seeing her voice lacked emotion, I concluded she was being a turtle. So I just followed her eye’s track and found Joyce. On top of her head was a grey-striped drama hat (you get what I mean) and her new hair cut was a short, brown-straight-haired ‘do. It curved backwards at the bottom, creating an everlasting cute look. She earned a few boy’s glances.

“I’m jealous of the hat but the hair wouldn’t work on me,” I told her. She nodded. I eventually gave up on Danni, seeing Regina sprinting towards us. I groaned inwardly and felt myself want to crawl to the girl’s bathroom. I wasn’t in the mood to heard Regina’s endless rant. Too late. She was in front of me, beaming like her heart’s desire had just been fulfilled. I suspected it was just because Erik had kissed her again.

“Erik kissed me!” Ding, ding, ding. Score a point for Meredith. “And then he told me he loved me.” I stopped in my discreet walk to the bathroom. I flipped towards her, eyes wide and mouth gaping. I felt like somebody had just run my head’s thoughts dry, like drying up a river.

“You’re not in love,” I said slowly.

“Oh yeah?” she inquired. “How come he gave me this?” With powerful force, she let her hand escape from inside her jacket’s sleeve. On it was Erik’s forever-famous watch. I couldn’t help but look impressed. Who wouldn’t? It’s a pretty big deal if Erik gives that away. But still. He was giving my best friend some false hope that would eventually be broken. That made me a bit disappointed and I gave her a lower-eyed look. I looked down at her although I was shorter. She got the message and turned on me, her mouth twisted. “Why don’t you care?” she almost screeched.

“I care!” I reassured. “It’s just Erik doesn’t love you. Please don’t…get your hopes up like that. I don’t think that you should.” My advice hung alone and dangling for a moment before exploding in front of Regina’s face. She began to scream like an hound-dog.

“You too?” she squawked. “You’re jealous also? It’s like the whole world’s jealous! Just ‘cuz I’ve got the best boyfriend ever and…you don’t, doesn’t mean that you have to be all obnoxious! Stop being so jealous and let me live my life!” After that outburst, she turned around, leaving me quite disgruntled.

She was being idiotic and egotistical. Erik made her this way with his endless chimes of “you’re beautiful” and whatever else he told her. So she’s built quite the ego. He’s not the best. In fact, he’s probably the worst. Well, maybe not the worst—but he seems to get her in a lot of trouble.

It seems like she always lets the blame collapse and break on her, smiling all the time. Not smiling for any reason…well, for once reason: Erik. Smiling at Erik, she’d take the stinking blame every time! It’s just stupid. Really.

Which comes back to my conclusion:

Love isn’t worth it.

Just plain and simple.

Love From,

Meredith