I'm trying to break the fall,

for myself,

But now I realize,

Now I realize the truth.

My guilt is never going to end,

Cause I see you can't comprehend

the blood on my hands,

the blood on your hands.

I walk now down the dull grey hallway and I see your face light up that the sight of me.

"Wait, is it because of me or someone behind me?"

Here's the beginning of my inner death.

"Hey, we have band this morning right?" he asked, startling me out of my train of thought.

"Oh, crap… Thanks!" I stutter.

Get a grip on yourself will you? Why did I wear this outfit? I look horrible dang it!

"Wait… Really?" he questioned as if my response wasn't enough.

"Yeah, it was on the announcements," I plainly state, adjusting my shirt that was too short or maybe wasn't.

"Are you signed up for ski trip this weekend?" he randomly says as if in reply.

The church ski trip had been held every year, it was mostly sixth and seventh graders but this year all my friends, the oldies of the bunch, decided to go. It's my first year joining the church and well, I had to start somewhere even if it meant making a fool out of myself attempting to ski.

"Yep, but I have the take the beginners classes. I've never skied before and I know I'll need the help," at this point I'm scrambling to get my books and was trying to shield my extremely messy locker.

"I should probably go," he added in conclusion to the whole conversation.

"See ya later," hesitantly I exclaim.

Right, my real and not so elegantly put story started the first day at school in ninth grade. Being as young and overly bitter at life I was making friends surprisingly easy. The problem really was I didn't converse with guys, it's just not wasn't my thing. Then after this summer I simply got over that and now try to talk to everyone. Which I don't even think is turning out so well.

I found that the guy that seemed annoying and arrogant was now cool, relaxed and much more handsome than I remembered. It was December at this time and couple weeks before Christmas and I thought I might get to know him better. I knew he would never like me back with my board build and enormous thighs, but hey a girl can dream a little right?

I scrambled to early morning jazz band to grab my sax. Its brass finish instead of the fake gold drew many eyes, I was so proud of its luster. I was third chair, he was fourth (ha, ha, I finally beat him) and I found myself hanging off his words and playfully arguing back the rest of the morning.

One more thing, his name was David. Yeah he's a little hot.

Well that doesn't help much I guess so I'll describe David the best I can. He's about two inches taller than me, has blonde straight hair that constantly falls in his face, incredible blue eyes, and a medium but non- athletic build (athletic guys scare me so yeah it was nice).

Did I mention he's hott?