“Release”

inhale, exhale

“There was nothing you could have done.” The words of others rang in her head. “He wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up like this.” They were all cold, hollow words that stung more then helped. It was the Ravon way to circle the wagons and protect the wounded. But how could you defend a heart that was ripped apart from the inside out.

“You have to be able to function through this. No in spite of this.” Malakim’s words had been flat but honest. They were at war. And no matter how much she hurt she had to be able to help defend the ideals and philosophies he had taught her. Focusing on her training Nessa closed her eyes and allowed the biting wind to rush around her. The pitch black jagged rocks threatened anyone who dared to make their way across them. But she needed this. She needed an open sky above her. She needed to feel small. She needed to know that this place, this pain was just a blink of an eye of a plan she could not begin to understand.

Focusing on her steps, Nessa pulled the energy around her. Closing her eyes she reached out with her soul. The calm current of life around her rushed through her allowing her to maintain her balance, her footing. This is what he had taught her, these abilities that allowed her to make her way across a barren wasteland.

“All you have to do is go ninety miles that way and two days ration.” His long slender hand pointed the way towards the citadel.

“You want me to what? Out here?” Nessa had said exasperated.

“Survive.” Fina’el said as the star ship took off.

It had been another set of challenges in her already messed up life. It had also been the last thing that seemed to stand in between her and the world she wanted to be apart of. She had made her way through the test trying to keep her calm and use the few force powers she already possessed. By the end of the test she had been exhausted, starving, and content.

“I knew you could do it.” He voice had come reassuring her.

But this time she was not crossing the razor sharp rocks to find acceptance. This time she was looking for an escape from the pain. The wind bit at her skin begging for just a taste. The slick rocks beneath her seemed to wait patiently for one miss step. The world around her wanted her dead, a state that she couldn’t allow. She had to come through this. She had to work through this pain.

Allowing the memories to work their way in and out of her mind, Nessa concentrated again on her warmth. Closing her eyes, Nessa focused on the image of the ice lake in her mind. The image cleared pulling her towards it. The compass in her mind spun then stopped. That way the little internal needle guided.

“We have our orders. We are to go deal with Daschar.” Fina’el’s voice snuck up on her.

“If he is seen here, it means he is actually somewhere else. I bet he is on Chadur.” Braiden’s eyes narrowed with frustration.

“Yeah we should go there.” Nessa said trying to catch Fina’el’s eyes. With one look she tried to express how much more then a mission she wanted. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to lay in his arms in the sun. She wanted to feel his skin against her own.

“Yes, we should.” He said barely disguising his own feelings.

Throwing the balcony doors of the room in the in open, Nessa felt it. That moment when she knew it was completely wrong. This was the moment she had been waiting on. It was the moment where they would finally be able to be together. Her concerns were finally calmed, and she didn’t need a wedding band to know she would be with him forever. But deep inside Nessa felt her world shattering before her.

The world around her seemed to crawl to a stop. Unable to launch into motion Nessa watched as the dark red light beamed through his chest. The red dripped down his chest as it slid to the side and ripped free. The distinct silver casing of the blade spun as it made its way back to the owner. In a motion she could barely see Daschar retreated out of sight.

Then in a moment the world seemed to catch up to itself. It was the moment where his body hit the floor. It was the moment where she couldn’t stop the bleeding. It was the moment where she couldn’t find help fast enough. It was the moment where everything stopped, started, and fell apart.

Fighting the tears from her eyes, Nessa made her way onto the flat ice. Laying flat she stared into the nothing of space. Each star seemed to twinkle in and out of existence mirroring her emotions. Closing her eyes she let go. She allowed the pain to move through her. Nessa pushed her mind outside of herself and became just another piece of the galaxy.

The current of the world around her spun, released, and flowed. It was the space between now and then. The thin air filled her lungs stinging. This world was her home now. This place filled the void of a land lost to her. This violent terrain mirrored her new life. This is what she was afforded now.

“You have been out her for several days. You should come back to the citadel.” Zariel said as he crossed the ice.

“It is so empty out here.” Nessa said her tears freezing before the left her cheek.

“Do you really think this is where he would want you to be?”

Standing up Nessa looked back at him. His face was a little thinner then Fina’el’s. His arms were metallic, but the same. It was unmistakable that they were family. In that he would now be her family. Walking over slowly Nessa held on to him. This is how Fina’el would have wanted it. Her eye faded in and out as the landscape around her blended and shifts. The open skies of the world were replaced slowly with walls and a ceiling.