Catharsis

Definition: 1. the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, esp. through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.

Ever been so incredibly mad at someone, that you wanted to throw them off of a bridge? And then you decided that instead, you were going to create a character into whatever story you were writing, and have that character fall off a bridge into a pit full of venomous, fire-breathing snake-spiders? Yeah. I can't be bothered to randomly have characters in my OTHER stories die horrible deaths. So welcome to my own personal fantasy-land, where ANYTHING can happen, and will happen to people I either like or don't like. Good people always win, and by "good" I mean people who haven't hurt my feelings lately. Be warned.

PS: I am currently praying to Buddha, Allah, Jesus, Zeus, Ra, and Odin that no-one I know ever, and I mean EVER, reads this. I am so transparent.

Cera Veedle was having a very bad day. A very bad day indeed, because not only had her dog run away, her goldfish had also run away. Possibly into the stomach of her very smug-looking cat, Puss-In-Boots.

She sat in her living room, eating a snow cone.

It was a bananna-flavoured snow cone, and it smelled weird. She fed it to the cat.

Standing up, she looked outside, where it was pouring rain. She glared angrily at her car, which was currently floating away in the sudden flash flood. "This sucks." She said, loudly.

Her mother entered the room. "Cera, you need to watch your weight." Her mother instructed her sternly. "If not, you will end up looking like Oprah."

Cera wanted to look like Oprah, but she was blonde and blue-eyed so it wasn't likely to happen.

"Also, you might want to invest in a belt." Her mother added, because Cera looked as if she were in training to be a plumber.

Cera shook her head. "I wonder if Kai wants to hang out today? He's so wonderful. And tall. And wonderful. And, smart. And wonderful. I wonder why he doesn't like me?"

"Because you're fat. Diet." Her mother answered as she began to carry boxes from Sarah's room into the living room.

"There was this one time, and he was all wonderful, and stuff. He said things, to a person, and he was so wonderful and tall when he did it. Because he's wonderful, you know. There was this other time, when he was even MORE wonderful, it made me laugh!" Cera giggled at the memory. "He's so wonderful."

Her mother nodded her assent as she continued to empty Cera's room.

"And there was this other time, he told me this joke, it was wonderful... it was like... this blonde girl walks into a bar, wait, no... so she walks into a bar, the blonde girl I mean, and she asks the bartender... oh, wait, I forgot the punch line, give me a second... but it was really funny! Kai told it to me."

Her mother squinted at a picture of Cera. "You look terrible in green. Oh, and by the way, we're selling you to a slave labourer. Bye."

Three men grabbed Cera, dragging her off to her new life.

She flailed a bit, and then started flirting with them, because she wanted them to like her. "You're a lot like my friend Kai." She told one of the scary-looking guards. "He's tall, and he's so wonderful..."

After they gagged her, the guards depoisted her at the slave camp she'd been sold to. "Keep the gag on." they told her new owner. "Or she won't shut up."

Soon after, though, Cera got pnemonia, because of the terrible, cold, and wet conditions. Horrifyingly, this meant that they had to remove the gag in order to give her medicine. By the time she'd gotten better, everyone knew who she was.

In the slave camp, Cera had quickly made enemies.

"She just won't stop talking."

"She keeps interrupting me."

"She stole my peach schapps!"

"She stole my earrings!"

"She stole my shirt. While I was WEARING it."

The other girls in the camp tried to avoid her, but she was always there, chattering, talking far too quickly about things that they just didn't care about.

"I say we throw her off a bridge." Beene McBean suggested.

Jeh, Sika, and Joey all agreed. "Yes, let's."

They invited her to join them on their smoke break slash walk through the wilderness, and they stood on the Bridge of Doom talking about boys.

Cera had been unusally pleasant, and by that time the girls had decided against throwing her off the bridge.

"You see," Beene said, telling her closest friends a terrible secret. Jeh, Sika, and Joey all leaned forward to hear. Cera didn't. "It was really bad, because he held the knife right to my throat, and his hand was shaking so it kept slipping and making tiny cuts... blood was dripping down my neck and staining my favourite shirt... and then-"

"I miss my friend Kai! He's totally tall. I miss him so much. Because he's so tall and wonderful, you know? There was this one time he took me out for sushi, and we took pictures, and I'd never had sushi before, y'know? So..."

Beene pushed her over the edge of the bridge, and into the pit full of venomous fire-breathing snake-spiders below.

"I hate that girl." Joey said.

Jeh, Sika, and Beene agreed, nodding solemnly as they finished their cigarettes, dropping the still-burning ends over the edge of the bridge.

Below them, there was silence. Glorious silence.

Names have not really been changed. If my friends read this, they might recognize themselves... or others. I'm PATHETIC.

Epilogue:

- The goldfish had not been eaten by the cat, but were instead enjoying their new home in a lake, which the flood had taken them to.

- Puss-In-Boots was given to a retirement home for old people to love. He made very many people happy.

- The dog died because it ate Cera's chocolate stash.

- Cera's snow cone smelled funny because the dog had peed on it.

- Cera's Mother only got two hundred dollars for the sale of her daughter, but she used that money wisely, played the lottery, and won enough to keep herself comfortable for the rest of her life. Which was about six weeks, after which she got nailed by a bus and died en route to the hospital.

- Beene, Jeh, Sika, and Joey stayed in the slave camp, but eventually won their freedom through various ways which may or may not be explored in the future.

- Cera never did get a belt.

- The venemous fire-breathing snake-spiders still reside under the Bridge of Doom, but you don't have permission to use them. They've got a twenty-year contract with me.