If you see red on the sidewalk,
The blood is probably mine.
Ask the pavement – it will say
"Yeah, it happens all the time."

Sometimes it leaks from cracks and cuts
I seem to never recall
Sometimes it gushes from gaping wounds
That I don't deserve at all.

I've bled from stupid animal bites
Both domestic and bizarre.
And I think I tasted a little blood
Being run over by that car.

I stubbed my toe on a well place pebble,
And bleed into the creek.
A well meant foot met my guts
And I passed blood for a week.

I've bled for all the leeches,
I've bled for all the mosquitoes,
But even with those out of the count
I still bleed more than emos.

I nosebleed for all reasons
It's my brain's idea of fun,
When someone fancy walks down the street,
My nose begins to run.

I've bled for charitable purposes
And filled a plastic container.
I've had vultures waiting for me to die,
And hired a vampire restrainer.

But even though I bleed so much
I just can't seem to come first.
The champion bleeder by far I've been told
Is a woman giving birth…

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B.B.: And I end on that lovely note and leave you hanging with an image I wouldn't wish on my enemies. It's a bit of fun this one. I wrote it while feeling angry about my constant nosebleeds and the way I seem to get into harmful situations without meaning to.