Tête-À-Tête

“David, move.”

“But Ana, it’s much more interesting to read over your shoulder.”

“David, this half of the apartment is completely empty. The TV is on this half. The bookshelf is on this half. The kitchen is on this half. Why, oh why do you have to read over my shoulder when I’m obviously writing something private?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because if I look hard enough, I can see straight down your shirt.”

“David, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’ll ram this pen so far up your ass, you’ll never have another heterosexual thought for the rest of your natural born life.”

Shuffle.

“Good. Stay over there.”

Silence.

“What are you writing?”

“I’ll read it for you. ‘Dear Diary, I love David so much! His idiocy sets my heart a-flutter! And his butt-ugly face? I wish I could smother it with kisses. Oh diary, today, he looked down my shirt! I feel so special!’ That’s all I’ve got. You interrupted me.”

“That’s real mature, Isaacs, real mature.”

“Reverting to last names, David? I thought we knew each other better than that! Did last night mean nothing to you?”

“Ana, we’re two intelligent, mature adults. Why can't we have an intelligent mature conversation without insulting each other?”

“Adults?”

“Yes, adults. We can have sex, drive, vote, go to jail, smoke and buy alcohol. We’re adults.”

“Speak for yourself. I still have two months before I can buy me a six-pack.”

“So because you can’t legally get drunk, we can't have a conversation with out insulting each other?”

“Exactly. And I quite like out verbal spars. It keeps me spry.”

“Spry?”

“Yep. You never know when you’re going to need to insult some one.”

“I see.”

“Wow. You know- never mind.”

“What?”

“Nothing! I said never mind!”

“What were you going to say?”

“Nothing!”

“Ana.”

“Don’t use that tone with me! You’re not going to like it… You sure you wanna know?”

“Yes Ana, that’s why I asked you.”

“Well, I was going to say thatwewereactuallyhavingaconversation.”

“Ana, let’s try that again. But this time, we’re going to use words.”

“We were actually having a conversation. There, I said it. Happy?”

“Ana are you that much of a pessimist? We are capable of intelligent interaction.”

“I told you that you wouldn’t like it dumbass.”

“And there we go again.”

“It’s not my fault!”

“Then whose fault is it?”

“Kate and Leo’s.”

“Kate and Leo’s? How?”
“Yep. They’re always sticking us in rooms together. My theory is that it gets them off.”

“Gets them off?”

“Okay, maybe not get off, but they sure as hell get their kicks off it.”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“Maybe they record us.”

“Record us?”

“Yeah. Maybe if we look hard enough, we can see ourselves on youTube!”

“I seriously doubt that, Ana.”

“Shh! Don’t give them any more entertainment! Don’t say anything at all!”

Silence.

“Ana, this is really boring.”

“I know, David, I know.”

“Let’s give them a show.”

“A show?”

“Yeah a show.”

“Oh, intriguing. Elaborate.”

“I don’t know.”

Silence.
“Ana, what are you doing?”

“Sitting on your lap, obviously.”

“Obviously. Ana?”

“Yes David?”

“What are you doing?”

“Putting on a show.”

“Does this show have to be so accurate?”

“Yes David.”

“An-“

“Ana, how are you this kinky?”

“I don’t know. Your ear was just asking for me to nibble it. It’s the ear’s fault.”

“Ana?”

“Yes David?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I guess.”

“Good.”

“David?”

“Yeah?”

“That was a really good kiss.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Want another?”

“Sure.”

“Oh my god! Ana! David! Get a room!”

“Hi Kate, Leo.”

“Hey Guys.”

“Please, try not to make out on my couch again.”

“Okay Leo.”

“Your place or mine, Ana?”

“Yours, mine is a mess.”

“Alright, let’s go. See you guys later!”