Everything happens for a reason: The one phrase I have despised my whole life. It gives bad things an alibi. Makes it ok for people to hurt me and use me, because some times “It just happens”. Well no, sorry, it doesn’t work that way for me. Like many of you out there I am young, I am naïve, I am ignored, and I am alone. Many of you will read my story and be uninterested. Many will read and find it meaningless. Some will judge, and some will demean. Well, my story is not for those people. It is for those who are lost and lonely, who need to find hope, or be inspired. This is for those who are restless and weak, those who are unloved, used, and abandoned. For those who need an escape from their nightmare. For those who are just like me. My name is Jem; I am seventeen, just a junior in high school. And this is my story.

At first glance, I was your typical teenage girl. My long, somewhat tame less, chestnut hair seemed in perfect unison with my large, bold eyes of the same hue, and my flawlessly sun kissed skin. Some see me as beautiful. I do not allow myself that pleasure. I had the perfect grades, the perfect family, and the perfect friends. From a distance, it seemed like the perfect life, but that was not so. It all started the fall of my sophomore year.

The weather was hot, as it always is here in California, the air smelled of sweat and nachos. An odd combination, yes, but what more do expect at a football game? I was there, on the sidelines, cheering with all the other mindless drones I pretended to be friends with. Cheering for whom? All the boys who suddenly seemed to notice how “smart and funny” I was. Coincidentally that same year, my cup size went from nothing to a nice full B. What assholes.

There was one who seemed different from all the others, that wasn’t just interested in my looks or my status, he loved me for me, His name was Seth. Not only was Seth the sweetest guy I had ever met, he was also gorgeous in every way. His perfectly shaggy black hair, contrasted perfectly with his piercing, crystal blue eyes. As is that wasn’t enough, his sharp features, perfectly toned body, and exquisite smile won over almost every girl in school. But too bad for them, he was mine. He was perfect student, perfect athlete, perfect son, and perfect boyfriend. Together we made the most absolutely envied couple in all the school.

So, as I was saying. It was the night of the homecoming football game. I was cheering on the sidelines for my absolutely perfect quarterback boyfriend, completely satisfied yet totally scared. Something didn’t feel right. Maybe the crowd was to quite, or the air was too hot. Maybe the fake smiles on my fellow cheerleaders’ faces we’re believable enough. I will never know. But that night, everything went wrong, everything changed.

The game was won: us – 21, them- 16. Time for a celebration. Everything in Cali is celebrated by drinking and partying till dawn. It’s a rule of nature. So there we were, Seth and I, chilling at the biggest party of the year! For the life of me, I can’t remember how many drinks I had, but I can definitely say I was pretty wasted. I can’t say much more for Seth either. By the time the end of the night rolled around we were drunk, and alone in a room. Not the best situation.

“Baby I love you so much, you know that right” said Seth with awkwardly slurred words

“Of course I do Seth, and I love you too” I managed to get out, struggling to stay up right without losing my dinner

“I would do anything for you, anything, and I’m sure you feel the same. You don’t have any idea how I feel about you. I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you, and now I have you.” he said a little too aggressively, but I didn’t notice, attempting to keep the room from spinning was hard enough. So I propped up against the head board of the bed. My whole body numbed as I felt Seth’s hand sliding up the inside of my leg. Soon, I felt the blood drain from my face as I came to realize what was happening. Instantly, His body was pressed hard against mine, a force that I neither had the energy to avoid, nor the physical ability. His breath was hot and rank on my lips, neck, and chest as he kissed me, the smell of alcohol filling my nose. His hands were moist and cold as they explored every part of me. With the little strength I had, I kicked, bit, scratched and, cried for him to stop, but nothing worked. He had me right where he wanted me. I tried to scream in pain as he forced himself inside of me, but I could not find my voice. No one heard me. All I could to was lay still, wishing the pain would stop, praying for it to be all over.