Chapter 2

I stayed to myself the next few days, as they flew by in a blur. All my nights were flooded with the guilt of my careless actions, and the pain of knowing that the boyfriend I loved and adored, raped me, then left me like nothing had ever happened. Worst of all were the days, haunted with hallways full of unknowing faces, and fake expressions. Realizing I had no one to turn to, I pulled away from the world. I felt completely alone. Not even my best friend was there for me, which I wouldn’t see why she would be. I had abandoned her, and now she had done the same.

Amelia Harper, or Mel as we all call her, had been my best friend since the sixth grade. She was always the popular one in middle school. She was blue eyed, bubbly blonde everyone wanted to be with. I was always the one in the background, wishing I was her. In the summer of our eighth grade year, her mother died from cancer. Ever since then, she’d never been the same, and our roles kind of switched. She faded into the shadows and I took my chance to shine. We had changed and grown apart ever since our freshman year, but no matter what she was always there for me, even when I wasn’t there for her.

“What’s wrong, and don’t lie to me and say you’re ‘ok’ I know you better then that, Jem”, She said, her face marked with concern.” You haven’t been yourself lately”

“I haven’t been myself in years” I said, under my breath.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Mel said, with a slight edge to her questioning. I knew I had offended her, I saw it in her eyes.

“Nothing, it means nothing, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine” I said, slightly trying to convince myself along with Mel. It wasn’t working for either.

“You don’t have to lie to me, I know something’s wrong, and I will find out. I always do” Mel challenged me in her ‘All knowing’ tone of voice.

“How would you know something is wrong with me!? You don’t even know me anymore!” I snapped. Realizing what I said, I turned away to leave, degusted with myself. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Jem, wait!” Mel screamed above the roar of the crowds, grabbing my wrist sternly as I winced in pain.

She pulled up the sleeve or my sweater to expose the remnant of that night. A large purple bruise what seemed fresh, even though it had happened almost five days ago. Mel’s expression changed from worried, to horrified.

“Jem, what happened to you?”

That’s all it took for the tears to well up in my eyes. The only thing I could do was explain, or run. I choose the easier of the two.

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I ended up in the bathroom, leaning over the sink, tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t look at myself anymore. One look at my mascara stained cheeks left me ashamed. I hated it. My usually sunny eyes had been masked by layers of smeared eyeliner. My face was pale and my hair lacked any real shape, but it didn’t matter. All I saw was the all star student, the peppy cheerleader, the faithful girlfriend. I wanted to erase what I saw. Weak, I fell to my knees. I had lost all hope, in other but mostly myself. I wished for one final answer to all my problems. How can I go on like this? That’s when I saw it: a small red tablet, sitting at my feet, almost as if it had been set there just for me. Without a second thought, I shoved it in my mouth and swallowed it, not knowing what it was, not even caring. I sat there waiting to feel the effects, hoping it would come soon, but all I felt was empty.

“Hey idiot, you do know that was just Tylenol, right?” I heard a voice behind me say. I turned to see Irene Baker standing with a smirk across her face.

“You would know, right? Fuckin’ Pusher” I shouted, red faced with anger.

“Oh ouch, that hurt. I’m a dealer, so what! Everyone knows. Now the real question is, what is the most popular girl in school doing sitting on the bathroom floor, popping random shit she finds laying around?” Irene said, sarcasm lacing her words. Speechless, I sat on the floor, not knowing whether to answer, or just get up and walk away.

“I can get you something better, something with more of a kick. What do you want? Name it, I got it! Vicodin? Adderall? Oxycontin? Paxil?” she said

“Uhh…what would you suggest?” I said, half joking.

“You look rough. Been through some fucked up shit, eh? I’d say Oxycontin, helps numb the pain. After a while, it won’t hurt so much” she said with enjoyment written all over her face. She took a small yellow pill from her purse and placed it on the sink.

“This time it’s on me, but once you take it, you can’t go back.” she said, and with that, walked out of the bathroom leaving me and my new friend to be alone.