I wrote this story for this activity we are doing in English class where we read a story and then have to to guess who the author is. Yup, that's right - my English teacher allows me to submit shit like this.

Voodoo

Another day, another interview. Some stars said they never got used to the attention, but Hilary was not one of them. To her, a make-up chair was like a cubicle. The box of make-up was like her computer and the people walking in and out of the room reminded her of the hustle and bustle she was sure existed in corporate, every day America. She sat patiently as people tended to her hair and applied make-up to her face. She was comfortable with talking to photographers, television personality and magazine writers and she was completely at ease about talking about anything - anything except her private life.

Hilary did not believe that any press was good press, nor was she particularly fond of the paparazzi or the tabloids. When she started working on that Disney sound studio oh so many years ago, she never anticipated that one day she would be holding newspapers in front of her face as she walked with her sister to Starbucks. It was completely insane.

But then again, she never really put much thought into her perfect boyfriend dumping her cold for that stupid slut, Nicole. But that did happen, too.

It had been a nice day. They were on a rare outing to a nightclub. Hilary had never really had much interest in the whole young Hollywood scene. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. It was just that Hilary knew exactly which girls were out every night. Paris, who once called her a frigid prude, Lindsay, who more than once called her a boyfriend-stealer, among other choice words, and Britney, who once said that Hilary reminded her of a younger version of herself, all frequently went out, got trashed, and acted in a way that made Girls Gone Wild look like Nickelodeon. However, Joel had said he wanted to take her out and make her feel like a princess and well, Hilary just couldn’t say no to something that sweet.

They showed up at the club and went in through the back door. They were led by security to the V.I.P. section where they were immediately greeted by a few familiar faces. Nikki, Paris’ sensible younger sister, was there sipping a daiquiri with a few of her friends. But Joel was pulling her past all of them to a tiny girl who was waving enthusiastically from the corner screaming Joel’s name. It took a moment, but eventually Hilary recognized it to be Nicole. Hilary had met the girl a few times and when Hilary sat down beside her they exchanged polite greetings. However, Nicole and Joel seemed to know each other very well, and they got to talking almost immediately. Soon, the two had left to go dancing with each other, Nicole saying, “You don’t mind, do you?” as she pulled the boy to the dance floor. As if Hilary could even say yes, she did mind. That night, as they drove home, Joel suggested that they “take a break.” Hilary was not pleased.

The next day, Hilary called her older sister. She meant to break the news of her relationship’s demise in a strong voice, but as soon as the other girl answered, Hilary broke down in tears. It took her sister a few moments to realize what had happened, but as soon as she did, she knew exactly what would make Hilary feel better.

“Go visit Madam Witch,” she said.

Madam Witch lived in a mansion in Beverly Hills, something not many witches accomplished. The drive wasn’t far from Hilary’s own house and yet Hilary always marveled at how wonderful the woman’s estate was. Madam Witch greeted Hilary at the door and led her into the parlor, where she already had everything set up. Hilary took her usual seat beside the window and Madam Witch sat beside her, a cigarette in hand.

“What is troubling you, dear girl?” the old witch inquired. Hilary sighed and relayed the most recent events of her life, to which the witch made a “tsk” sound.

“That is indeed serious,” Madam Witch said. “What do you think we should do to her?”

“The food one,” Hilary said. “That would be pretty awesome.”

Hilary had been a friend of Madam Witch’s for years. They met in the middle of Hilary’s feud with Lindsay, the one which had been splashed across so many tabloids. Madam Witch had come to one of Hilary’s events and promised her that she could end the conflict. The next day, Hilary had come and they constructed a voodoo doll of Lindsay. They then took a bowl of rum and dumped the voodoo doll inside of it. Lindsay had been an alcoholic ever since.

The next person Hilary had come to Madam Witch about had been Britney. Hilary had been disgusted that anyone would ever liken herself to Britney, and was especially disgusted that Britney had said so personally. Hilary had to make sure that such comparisons were never made again. They made a voodoo Britney doll and dropped her into the toilet. It wasn’t long later that Britney developed a reputation for being trailer trash and popping out babies only to drop them on the floor.

The last person Hilary had talked to Madam Witch about had been that stupid skank, Paris. The two had a hard time thinking of something to do to the blonde voodoo doll that would actually hurt the girl. Paris was known for not having any shame or guilt and she already had a reputation, both in the Hollywood inner circle and basically all around the world. Eventually, they decided to just intensify said reputation and placed the doll inside of a used condom.

For Nicole, Hilary had stayed up late coming up with cruel ways she could possibly punish the boyfriend stealer. Hilary had always heard rumors that Nicole was anorexic or something, due to her extreme thinness, and as she was eating her salad for lunch, Hilary was hit with an amazing idea. How cruel would it be to make a girl with low self esteem fat?

Madam Witch set up a plate of junk food and candies and placed the Nicole voodoo doll in it, rolling the doll around, covering her with the stuff. Hilary felt an immense satisfaction when the deed was done and paid Madam Witch the sizable bill as well as a generous tip.

Hilary thought of all of this as they finished her make-up and led her into another room for the interview. She was grateful when no questions were asked about her break-up. It wasn’t exactly like you could go around telling everyone about how you made a voodoo doll of the girl who stole your boyfriend, right?

Fin