Love and Fear: The Universes Most Powerful Forces

A self-written piece expressing feelings and the foundation of all life on Earth.

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Who would think the most controlling forces in the whole world would be two things that should be opposites? Unfortunately, while they can be separate, they can also be very much connected. No matter what, these forces are destructive and powerful.

So what is Love? I’m honestly not really sure. I’ve felt in all its forms, but can’t pin it down, especially in words that are specific. I’ve felt Love as friendship, family, true Love, infatuation, passing fancy, happiness, faded, failed, and so on. Now I’m not saying Love is bad. It isn’t always. But when you use it against the person you Love or who Loves you it can hurt so much. Real Love in its many forms can be beautiful and wonderful. You would be willing to do anything for the ones you Love and seeing those people smile is really the best thing on the face of the Earth. You may be at their control, but if the person truly Loves you in return, they won’t take advantage of the Love you feel, they’ll only work to keep it strong and unbreakable. Sadly, there are those who take advantage of Love. They say “jump” and you say “how high” just to keep them happy. I know since, I’ve been in that boat. It really messed me psychologically up for a long time. It took away so much of what I did happen to Love and left me with nothing. By comparison, thinking you’re in Love and having that person not matter what they say or do is better than nothing, but when they’re the ones who are making sure there’s nothing else there to keep you happy, you feel you have no choice. This has led to a lot of Freudian Repression on my part. That is, burying emotions and events that cause pain and unpleasant feelings. Talking about the last couple of years is tough and it’s not because I do remember things I regret, but at the same time I know there’s a lot I just can’t remember because I simply refuse to on an unconscious level. Those repressed memories aren’t anything extreme, like abuse or anything so major, but if a person finds it unpleasant and perhaps a little frightening, then repression will likely occur after continual exposure to point where the memories can hardly be separated and sorted because they all start to feel the same. That leads me to Fear.

Fear is another thing that comes to a person in so many forms. It shows up as the jitters, nervousness, phobia, paranoia, panic, terror, pain, apprehension, hesitation, and so on. Fear can be used in several ways. Physical violence and scare tactics are frequent forms that Fear takes. It takes an abuser and an abused for it to work, a dominator and a victim. I’ve been on both ends of this one, too. I’ve taken advantage of scaring people into thinking something just to get my way (though I can’t think of an example) and I’ve also had problems of Fear being used against me. I regret using Fear as a weapon, a tool, a foundation. I try my hardest not to do it anymore. Having it used against you though, even creates feelings of sympathy to your abuser. It’s a form of Stockholm Syndrome where your abusers are the people you being to feel that you Love because the tiniest gesture becomes magnified to extreme proportions as wonderful acts of kindness. Sometimes even the abuse itself, whether mental or physical or whatever it may be, starts to feel like attention is being paid to you and that it’s a form of Love. It’s why I stayed in my first relationship for so long. After Love is harmed and everything is taken away, to have only that one person left scares you into thinking you’ll be alone for eternity if you leave them. Loneliness is a powerful Fear, which often holds people tight and prevents happiness from being regained because it’s thought that happiness will never be found again.

Sometimes though, being alone is better. It gets to the point where there’s not much point in living anymore, especially if you only have no Love anymore. It’s them or you who will truly win in the end. To lose both Love and Fear makes you the most powerful person on Earth. To Love and lose makes you strong, but to Fear nothing anymore is what makes you invincible against pain of any kind. To go from being weak of mind to purely invincible is the greatest feeling on the face of the Earth. To be alone seems like a welcoming happiness like no other. And that happiness is self-Love carried proudly with freedom. The cycle begins again, but this time, without the Fear. When Love is all that’s there, then you can live for yourself and I’ve done just that. I’ve even restored more of my Love. I’ve found my friends all over again. They’ve been waiting for me all along. I’ve been restored to glory and I can live through anything. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so I shall forever be tougher than Steel.