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Characters:
Boy: Desperately in need of a Taco after loosing his soccer game
Clerk: Teenage trainee at the Taco Bell, who can’t seem to get the order right, and is in the middle of puberty according to his ever changing voice
Bob: Chef at the Taco Bell
Boris: Russian Clerk at the Taco Bell
Chris: The person who diffuses the situation with Bob, also brings out the food
Robber: Attempts to rob the Taco Bell
Moving Signs: Self explanatory
Taco Man: Self explanatory
Mom: Cheerful and apparently hot mother
Random Girl: Random hot girl
People needed:
Girls: Two at the most (you can double the rolls if you feel the need)
Boys: Nine at the most (again, you can double the rolls up, but you need four boys at the least)
Props:
One ChairOne Table
Can of Air freshener (optional)
Ten dollar bill
Tray (optional)
Basket (optional)
Glass (optional)Fake Gun (optional)
Lingo:(always from the actors point of view)
USL: Up stage left
USC: Up stage center
USR: Up stage right
CSL: Center stage left
CS: Center stage
CSR: Center stage right
DSL: Down stage left
DSC: Down stage center
DSR: Down stage right
(Scene: Mom and Boy are standing in imaginary car about CSL, Boy sighs)
Boy: I-I really want to thank you again mom, for driving me all the way out to the East Side…
Mom: Oh don’t worry about it sweetie!
Boy: I know but it was such a terrible loss…
Mom: It wasn’t that bad!
Boy: Mom we lost 25-1.
Mom: … well at least you scored a goal!
Boy: Y-yeah… I guess so… you know mom, all of that loosing has made me hungry… can we stop for something to eat?
Mom: Of course sweetie! What would you like to eat?
Moving Sign(comes from DSR and walks up to USR): Taco Bell…
Boy: Well I am kinda in the mood for Tacos…
Moving Sign(comes from DSR and walks up to USR): Taco del Mar…
Moving Sign(comes from DSR and walks up to USR): Taco Mall…
Boy: Mom- Mom can we please stop for Taco’s?
Mom: Sweetie wouldn’t you like a burger? It’s better for you then those Tacos…
Moving Sign(comes from DSR and walks up to USR): Taco Mart…
Boy: No mom I want a Taco. Stop for a Taco!
Moving Sign(comes from DSR and walks up to USR): Taco Del Mar…
Boy: Aw-aw… there goes the Taco Del Mar…
Moving Sign(comes from DSR): KFC…
Boy: KFC? What the? Get out of here KFC, leave!
Moving Sign(stays DSR and then walks up to USR): KFC…
Boy: Mom, DRIVE!
Moving Sign(comes from DSR and walks up to USR): Taco Bell…
Boy: And a Taco Bell… come on mom, please!
Moving Sign(comes from DSR and walks up to USR): Big Ass Taco Mall…
Boy: AWE there goes the Big Ass Taco Mall!
Taco Man(appears from DSR): I’m Taco man!
Boy: It’s Taco man! Mom please I really want a Taco!
Taco Man: Hey Kid’s do you know what time it is? It’s TACO TIME! Awe man my meat is just sizzling, ah, that feels good-
Boy: Taco…
Taco Man: Now just gonna add some cheese… and some lettuce…and some spices, I pity the fool who doesn’t eat a Taco right now.
Boy: Mom please you have to stop at Taco Bell. I want a Taco SOOOO bad right now!
Mom: Alright we’ll stop at Taco Del Mar-
Boy: I WANT TACO BELL!
Mom: Okay, (pretends to pull over) I’ll go and park the car over there (points off stage) and wait for you. Here’s ten dollars, bye sweetie. (walks off stage)
(Clerk walks on from CSR and stands behind table which is between CSR and DSR)
(Boy walks from CSL to DSCish to where the table and Clerk are)
Clerk: Hi and welcome to Taco Bell how can I help you?
Boy: I want one Taco and one Coke.
Clerk: Three Taco’s and five Cokes.
Boy: No, one Taco and one Coke.
Clerk: One Taco and three Cokes.
Boy: No. One Taco and one Coke.
Clerk: Would you like the burrito special sir?
Boy: No! One Taco and one Coke!
Clerk: One burrito special.
Boy: NO! One Taco and one Coke.
Clerk: One Taco, and two burrito specials.
Boy: Nooo! ONE Taco and ONE Coke!
Clerk: Would you like cheese on your Taco?
Boy: No, just the Taco and the Coke.
Clerk: Would you like some guacamole?
Boy: No, just the Taco and the Coke.
Clerk: Would you like cheese on your Coke?
Boy: Dude, that’s just wrong.
Chris (walks out from USR with real or imaginary glass): Cheesy Coke.
Boy: I said I didn’t want cheese on my Coke!
Chris: My bad (walks back to where he came from)
Clerk: Would you like some hot sauce on your-
(Random Girl walks on from USL and crosses over to DSR flipping her hair and swinging her hips, pausing only to wink at the Clerk)
Clerk: Uh-oh, I think I pressed the silent button.
(Boy looks at him with disgust)
SFX: FLUSSSSHHHHHH
(Clerk and Boy feign looking like they’re going to hurl and plug their noses, Clerk makes his voice change up and down like he’s trying to breathe)
Bob (walks on from USR): Oh dear lord! I am a religious man and that right there (points off stage) is a SIN… that is a sin against GOD!
Chris (walks in from USC): Good God Bob! Have you been eating our cooking again? Bob nods) Bob how many times do I have to tell you; “don’t eat our food” before you get it?
Bob: I’m sorry.
Chris: Time to get the Air Wick! (walks back out of USC and walks back on) Let’s go!
(Bob and Chris both go to USR off stage)
Bob: Back foul demon from the Bowls of my Hell! Back I say! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! (Bob walks back on to USC, whips forehead and flicks it in front of him) (SFX: SssSs), man is it HOT here. (looks under his shoe) Oh looks like I have some crap on the bottom of my shoe (whips the bottom of his shoe and puts it on the “grill” in front of him)
Boy: Tell me he isn’t going to be making my Taco…
Clerk: Bob? No he’s on break. Bye Bob! (Bob exits USC) Welcome to Taco Bell how may I help you today?
Boy: I’ve told you already, I want one Taco and one Coke.
Clerk: One Taco and one Coke?
Boy: YES! (goes down on knees) Thank God!
Clerk: That’ll be 5.95.
Boy (get’s up): Here!
Clerk (about to take the money then stops): Oh, time for my break. (exits USR)
Boy: OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
(Boris walks on from USR and sits down in the chair behind the table)
Boris: Hello. My name is Bo(picks up table and puts it back down with a dull thump)ris, how may I help you?
Boy: Hi Boris-
Boris: No it is Bo(picks up table and puts it back down with a dull thump)ris.
Boy: Ok Bo(random noises kind of like when you have peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth)ris
Boris: Yes, now how may Bo(picks up table and puts it back down with a dull thump)ris, help you.
Boy: OK Boris I want one Taco and one Coke.
Boris: What will you give Boris in return?
Boy: I will give you (flashes ten dollar bill) ten dollars. (puts it on the table in front of Boris)
Boris (pushes the money back to Boy): Money has no meaning to Boris. What will you give Boris in exchange for Taco and Coke?
Boy (pauses for a second then takes off right shoe): I will give you my shoe.
Boris: Boris has no need for smelly shoe.
Boy: I-I-I’ll wash your…cat?
Boris: Ha! You make Boris laugh; do you think that you could wash Siberian Mountain Tiger and still live?
Boy: Uh…
Boris: Back in Soviet Russia we do trade, what will you trade Boris for Taco and Coke?
Boy: Uh...
(Boris whips his head around in a circle then lands on DSR. Mom walks on from DSR and Boris follows her with his eyes and head)
Mom: Honey, what is taking so long? I sent you in here over twenty minutes ago.
Boy: I-I know mom, but it’s these people they just won’t give me my order!
Boris: Whoa, whoa, whoa, who is this Foxy lady?
Boy: O-O-Oh… dude… that’s my mom!
Boris: Mom eh? (looks at Mom) Boris has found new interest.
Boy: My mom?!
Boris: Boris will give you Taco and Coke if you give Boris “mom”
Boy (thinks about it for a second the takes Mom’s hand and shakes it): Uh, thanks for everything mom but you’re going to have to go with this man now.
Boris (wiggles eyebrows suggestively): You can call me “daddy”
Mom: Did-did you just trade me for a Taco and a Coke?
Boy: Uh- yeah sorry about that one mom (scratches back of neck).
Boris (snaps fingers): One Taco and one Coke!
Clerk (walks on from USC carrying a tray (imaginary or not) with a basket and a glass (imaginary or not)): Here’s the Taco and the Coke, but I dropped my retainer in the deep fryer so this is the last one.
SFX: BANG!
Robber (“kicks open” the door with a gun (plastic or imaginary) and points it at everyone): Alright! Everyone hands up and get on the ground! This is a stick up! (everyone does as told)
Boy: OH COME ON! ALL I WANTED WAS A TACO!
Boris: Boris has question, if this is called a “stick up” then why are we all down? Ha, ha, ha.
End Scene.