Playing with Fire

Melanie Carter

Prologue

Author’s Note: This is loosely based on my life. While I changed mostly physical aspects of the characters, their personalities, relationship issues, and chemistry is still 90 percent true at the least. However, this is a continuance of my current high school situation. All of the emotions described vividly are what I have felt, and have finally been able to write. Hope you like it.

NOT ABOUT A PYROMANIAC! (Fire equals reference to the power of love)

I had heard the same story for all of my life. But I understood it, every time it was said. I was smart, funny, nice, and in tune with both men and women. I was a medium. But for a long time I knew I just wasn’t good enough. There was always some part of me that was sub par. Here was the common story: I’m sure you’ve heard it from somebody. Probably the way of rejection that hurts the most. You want more. You can taste it, feel it, smell it, and know it. It shows through your eyes. It’s the smile of adoration and the cute laugh. All of this is followed by this…”You’re an awesome person, but let’s just be friends,” usually followed by, “I hope this doesn’t change anything.” Then a smile, and that’s it.

Yeah, sure. You can go ahead and think that. But we all know that its not okay, because when you see them with the person that has the one, little thing that you’re missing – you know that your friendship means little to nothing. What’s worse is, and yes, it gets worse, that the person who could have been you, who should have been you, knows your secret. Then as they pass you by, the happy couple, that person laughs on the inside. We all know what kind of laughter, too…maniacal laughter.

Then, it happens. You disappear, slowly but surely. Sometimes there are little murmurs, and then sometimes all you can do is say, “That’s okay, I was just wondering” and give the little smile that says “its okay, I’m dealing with being sloppy seconds.” Then, you just fade away.

Sometimes you move on, and others you just store into retrospect, with all of the moments and emotions of anticipation, leading you on to nothing.

Sometimes you lose that friend by getting in their way, but you can’t help it. You know you love them more. You may become obsessed, and then you fall from grace, coming back in shame, knowing that you’ve lost them forever.

And you just keep Falling.

But then, a ray of hope. Sometimes you receive a sign giving a new chance, hidden in one of those murmurs where all along you have been deep in their heart. They are rare, but sometimes you know that you have been a dark desire to the world. Sadly, sometimes, to better yourself you move on and miss that chance, but there will always be that secret temptation. You say, “Its okay,” because you’ll never cross that line. It fucks with your head a little bit, but it feels good. It feels wrong but oh-so-right, so exhilarating. You wonder how you can still feel these dangerous emotions.

Then again, it is okay because they feel it, too, right? There’s a deep hidden forest of desire that can burst into flames at any moment. The forest is your heart: growth, life, sin. The potential fire scares you, and it burns you in twisted pleasure.

It does. But like a forest fire, it spreads quickly.

It all happens so fast.

…

Forbidden. It was so wrong, yet somehow it wasn’t, technically. But hey, people are so sensitive nowadays – too much for technicalities.

Technically, I had been standing in an empty locker hallway, waiting to talk to him about something important. I was nervous, but I knew I’d catch him there. Fast, it was so fast.

The lockers had been cold against my shoulders in my tank top, but it was okay, because another part of me was so warm. The flashbacks are so vivid in my mind.

I was on fire. He had always been the match. There was a split second of doubt, and then my victory was sealed. Everything shut down, and I let my brain take a five.

“I’m sorry, in advance.” He had said.

My mind had a subconscious idea of what was about to happen, enough to shut itself down and react. It was just a reflex.

His hand was so warm as it reached down in slow motion to hook under my jaw, while his other hand pulled at the collar of my shirt, tugging it away from me. Then everything sped back up when our bodies hit and our lips met, and as soon as it happened, I felt and explosion start in my chest, going through my whole body. I felt, but I couldn’t think. My mouth knew what it wanted, and it was getting it, no matter what. I wanted to swallow him whole, and so I began frantically kissing him.

I became so wrapped up in it. He knew what he was doing, oh my god, did he. That was when I hit the lockers. He had pushed me, and for a split second, I was alone. Was he trying to make a fool out of me? I didn’t care, I just reached out and pulled him back, catching a glimpse of his smoking grin before I shut my eyes and kissed him again. I had never pegged him as a teeth guy, but he used them. His tongue? Oh, he used that, too. His arm snaked around my back and his hand slid down my jaw to the back of my neck, and it felt super hot. It felt so right, and completely amazing.

For so long, all we did was stoke the hidden fire, buried under the ashes and rediscovered so many times that it took over. It became so hot in that hallway, and I felt as if I was melting into the lockers. We broke away for air only occasionally and briefly, enough to send smoky signals of eye contact, full of desire and passion. It was sweet and spicy. Those kisses were so wrong, but so right.

Technicalities. I thought it was the end.

No. It was only the beginning of the fire.