I will tell you tonight.
Beneath the stars,
Amongst the smoke and the drugs.
It’s not healthy and it’s not easy to live with, but for now
We are perfect,
Depending on how long you expect this to last.

Together
We read about all the religions
With morals
We decide we can’t live by.
The religious with punishments
We decide are too severe.

We continue living as atheists,
Never believing in anything for too long.
But we choose to believe in God, or something like it.
This way we have someone to pray to
For passion, for love, for pleasure.
We are too young to wish to be content.
But when nothing is working
We beg for forgiveness,
We make promises we never plan to keep,
But we’re honest about this from the start.

We spend all our time together, in love.
But we’re afraid of this kind of commitment,
The kind that could change the way we live.

We eventually stop talking.
Looking back,
We were never that close.
Honesty was sparse and hard to find,
Despite the fact we thought that together, we had found the truth.
What we told each other was what we wished was true,
But at the time we were oblivious.

We fell for each other,
We fell for how easy it was talk
And how time felt suspended,
As if it was waiting for us to realize it was just too late to be awake.
Simply put, we fell for how it felt to be together.
The way it let us forget anything.
Together, we stopped time.

We became addicted to the rush of nerves,
The way we had no idea what to do.
The freedom the excuses gave us.

We were terrified to talk, to touch.
We fell for each other but we grew apart.
We let it get to us, we let ourselves drift
To the point where we couldn’t forget anymore.
The fear was just strong enough to scare us away.
We’re young and we can sustain so much,
But when it comes to each other
We’re scared of the power we have,
We’re scared of the susceptibility.
We are visceral and unreasonable.
We’re instinctual and we don’t listen to reason.
We care about each other, but the fear of risk is a touch more pressing.
We know nothing and we choose what is worst for our state of mind.
We let it overwhelm us.
That way, we can still forget the little things.

When the drugs took over we smiled and we kissed.
We did a lot of things that were questionable,
But we never questioned the way it made us feel.

The only time my mind can rest,
The only time my body allows it to rest,
Is when I can see where you are.
Somehow, you still help me forget.
The only difference
Is that now it’s you I’m trying not to think about.

I avoid your gaze
But can’t help but stare.
We smile
And we kiss.

We used to feel safe.
But the responsibility,
Your fear that you were doing the wrong thing,
It tore us both in two.
Your past, the mistakes you made and
The way she treated you when she couldn’t cope,
The chemicals in her head and
The fear you weren’t good for me,
It tore you apart.

The drugs you took and the silence I stayed in,
It stopped time.
It stopped us.

We spent all of our time together
But the way we lived
Meant that we eventually stopped talking.
We were silent but we knew
That when the drugs took over
We’d be alone again
Under the stars.
Our friends close enough to
Hope we’d eventually
Worked it out.
Close enough to hope that he had decided
What was more important to him,
The risk of corrupting the one you want
Or having the one thing you want the most.