i used to think it was a pretty picture

until my bangs grew out a couple inches longer

and now that i know that looks are hopeless

i almost hate to see the beauty in all your faces

because honestly

i always feel like loads of shit.

-

pony got high for the first time today

she hit it hard.

pixie thought about her veins today and

she remembered well.

leaf wants to be like them

but she’s to scared.

ash starts trying to be that way

but she’s not in.

pippa laughs at the shit that they do

still she dreams of it.

red thinks she’s not as naïve anymore

still she knows she is.

triss thinks the city is natural to her

and she knows she’s the blacksheep.

dancer girl thought she could dance

and now she knows she can’t.

-

“go to sleep now little ugly”

over and over and over it sings her to sleep.

shut up. be quiet. stop it. fuck you. leave me alone.

“alone, that’s what you’re afraid of”

again and again and again it keeps her awake.

i’m not alone, they still care…

“you don’t really fit in, stupid, you’re one of those people you hate, the stupid poser tryingtofitinbutyoudon’t kind of people that don’t even know it”

it’s all she ever thinks about.

i don’t care.

“yes you do”

she knows and knows and knows it’s true.

i hate me

she thinks almost every waking moment

and watches those beauties

strutting around her scary stupid fucking high school

and feels smaller and dumber and uglier every second.

go to sleep now little ugly

she tells herself at night.

-

a/n: “go to sleep now little ugly”- the decemberists, not mine

the middle part is both fiction and reality, using the names of my characters (or in pony+pixie’s case, important characters) over the years. it’s ‘cause there’s a little bit of me in all of them, and i think every writer feels that way, even if they say they don’t.

the inventor’s creations are simply “refined” manifestations of their own beings.