Everyone wants to be me. Don’t deny it, you know you do. You all think my life is so perfect. Well, guess what? They, you and everybody else… all of you are right. I’ve got it all. You have a boyfriend? He’s mine now. You have money? I have more. You’re hot? Well I’m hotter. You’re nice? Well, I’ll give you that because I’m not. I’m the evil skank. I’ll kick you while you’re down, hate you while you’re up, and in the meanwhile I’ll steal your friends. All the girls hate me, but that’s good because it means they’re thinking about me, and what’s better than that? Absolutely nothing. I have my own private yacht and I’m partying with Diddy; you want to trade lives with me? Too bad, ‘cause yours sucks. You and your cheap thrift store clothes. You and your Botox-free faces. You and your boring life. Yeah. Your lives are the ones that suck. I’m everything you’re not, and you’re not even half of what I am.

But that’s just if I hate you. I can be a good friend. Yeah, I’m good to you if you love me. You know you love me. I’ll buy you stuff on your birthday. I hate your enemies more than you do. I’ll torture your ex-boyfriends after I’m done being with them. I’ll take embarassing pictures and post them on the wall. Yeah. I’m nice. And then I’ll take my knife with a neon pink handle and shove it into your ungrateful back. I’m the nicest girl alive. But so misunderstood.

Everyone wants to be me. Yeah, that’s right. Everyone except me.