Lately while sitting in my gym class or as other people like to call it, “Physical Education”, I have been wondering, what the hell? Of course there are many reasons why I would ask myself such a thing, but the reason I am is because I’m wondering what the hell happened to sports? I sit and watch as my teacher explains to my dim-witted class the ‘art’ of Disc Golf and Eclipse Ball, and wonder what the hell?

Why can’t sports be the way they used to be? Back in the good old days, when my gym teacher entered this world, sports were superior and full of excitement. Sports used to teach how to kill, attack and defend. Sports like fencing, archery, jousting and the gladiators. If you don’t win you die. What’s more exciting than that? Certainly not Water Polo! People used to stand, actually stand in the stands rather than sit down, just to see someone exterminated. What happened to those epic times?

Nowadays watching someone’s death for pure enjoyment is unheard of! It’s blasphemy! Today we aren’t even allowed to play tackle football in fear of the slight chance that someone could possibly get injured. OH NO! What would we do?

Instead we play flag football, turning the classic game of football into a nearly no contact sport. We play disc golf which involves throwing a Frisbee at an inanimate object. Exciting! There’s Eclipse Ball which is a transfusion of Tennis and Volleyball, but of course you can’t use a tennis ball or volleyball for this new sport. You have to buy Eclipse Balls. I sit and wonder why our school is wasting money on Eclipse Balls rather than spending it on a roof or ceiling. Then again who needs a building? We need Eclipse Balls!

The truth is, my friends, we have become pansies. All of us in this world are pansies, afraid of Fencing and Jousting. Someone might actually get scratched. Even if you do play fencing, we now have balls put on the ends of the swords so the chance of getting stabbed is out of the question. Pansies I tell you.

Sports are supposed to make you tough. Build up your confidence. Don’t let failure be an option. I tend to laugh at this, for sports has done the exact opposite. Sports have made us all feeble, low self-esteemed human beings.

And so I ask, what the hell?