salut et quoi de neuf (hi and what's new)! this is my second oneshot, Lying, Crying, Dying, and it definitely has a darker tone to it. special thanks to my sis, Twilight Hoshiko-chan for helping me pick the perfect title, and an intruiging summary. read, review, and enjoy, s'il vous plaît!

Lying, Crying, Dying

Don’t even tell me

If it’s painful

Then I never want to know

…

Such painful words; why must they ring in my head? Yet, it is unfair to ignore them, because they are my own - the property of my mind through the tongue. Now it is too late to take them back. Perhaps I can never take them back.

Are these disconsolate memories a sign that I have fallen beyond saving? Awkwardly stitched together are the fragments of blurred images…with me…and you. It seems like the punishment is fitting, except for the fact that the wrong person is accepting the consequences.

Contempt, uncertainty, and rejection reflected plainly on my face as those hollow words of apology entered my ears. A charming voice that used to soothe me at night sent shivers throughout every nerve in my body. All that was left to make the misery sink in was a thunderstorm - and murky clouds were on their way, almost as if they could sense this great letdown.

“Rai…why? H-how...” My reaction replayed clearly as I inhaled and exhaled to the beat of footsteps along the sidewalk, on my way home. This noise sounded so lonely without another pair to strengthen the echo…

“You know, I have a surprise for you, Sada.”

“Really, Rai? What is it?”

“It’s full of love…”

“Stop it!” Covering my ears, the rain began to lightly tickle the exposed skin on my neck, loose hair from my ponytail caught in an elegant silver necklace at my throat. Gradually, my fingers grazed the smooth gift, recalling who it was from and why it was given to me. With disgust, I ripped it off of my neck, small diamonds scattering onto the sidewalk with a faint clink. Maybe it was a waste - but it would be a shame if I kept it.

By now, the temperature had dropped drastically. My breath was visible, and water droplets were resting on my lips. It had felt so pleasing to release his memory from me…like killing a virus quickly and painlessly. If becoming free of him was that easy, I wanted to try it. In reality, I would try anything.

“Please…stop - no more.” An unfamiliar frailty resonated in my voice - my own ears having trouble hearing what I had just said. But it wasn’t a self-inflicted weakness. No, I would never do that to myself. Obviously, someone else did.

Two words can shatter everything a person has worked so hard to build: I cheated. Said bluntly, it stings the most at first, but after a while, it fades away, only to leave a dull aching. How do I know? I heard those exact two words about two hours and thirteen minutes ago.

Unlike most people, I had no clue - not even a suspicion or a sudden change to a furtive attitude. He remained unchanging, and since all of it was an act, I’d give him an award for “performance of the year”. After all, the award is well earned.

Is it truly possible to have lived on, so oblivious to anything wrong? We would have continued to see each other everyday, repeating the same “I love you” and “You are the only person I dream of”. Surely his guilt would lurk underneath, always present until the day I stood wordlessly over his grave. Even then, I would have to know someday. Those kinds of secrets don’t last forever.

When the rain pelted hard enough like prickly icicles on my back, I wandered into a random shop in town, settling onto a bench to watch the storm through a foggy window. Fancy and tempting scents lingered in my nose, and I knew I had wandered into an elegant restaurant. The lights were dimmed to create a romantic setting, and the deep crimson curtains around the windows complimented the bright white tablecloths. Although the tables were fairly close together, a private and intense sensation came from every single one of them.

I selected a menu from the podium at the entrance of the restaurant - if I had to hide here, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to order some food. Unfortunately, out of all of the food, both foreign and familiar, nothing was appetizing. All of the items on the menu either reminded me of him, or dates we used to go on. With a sigh, I neatly folded the menu closed and returned it to the podium.

As soon as I returned to the bench, I brushed damp strands of hair away from my face, and quickly glanced around the tables, observing the couples contently enjoying their meals. Holding hands, whispering gentle words to each other, sampling food from the other person’s plate… it ripped open the barely covered up wound inside of me. Still, I couldn’t pry my vision off of them - if I wanted to love again, I would have to believe that someday, I too would be close to someone again.

Continuing to watch, I could hear the conversation that had taken place earlier ringing bleakly in my head.

“Rai, what is it?”

“…Sada, you should sit down.”

“Hmm? Well, okay…so, what did you want to tell me?”

Closing my eyes, I felt his pained stare locked on me once made my skin tingle, like a mix of being burned and frozen at the same time. Whatever the feeling was, I wished with all of my heart that I would never experience it a second time.

“Sada, you’ll never forgive me - and I’ll accept that.”

“Huh? Are you insane? Of course I’ll forgive you!”

“No, trust me. We’ll never be the same...it may even be the end.”

I cringed, remembering the news shaking my entire soul. Now, it was time to brace for impact.

“You don’t deserve someone like me.”

Without thinking, my jaw dropped. I raised a hand to cover it and make it appear as if I were yawning. Who knew if it was convincing enough?

“W-what did you do?”

“Sada, you don’t want to know-”

“Yes I do! It’s better than being lied to!”

“…I…I’m sorry - I cheated on you.”

For the first time, he didn’t look me straight in the eye when he spoke. His charm was gone, and the man I had once been so in love with like a god was about to be a sore-spot for the rest of my life. Worst of all, our mainly enjoyable relationship come to a regretful halt.

A few tables to my left, I heard a high-pitched giggle, and the sound of soft chatter. That was just what I needed to ease my heartbreak - an annoying couple. Seconds later, a snort escaped from her, and the boyfriend merely laughed at her odd cuteness. I rolled my eyes, deciding it would be a waste of time if I gave them any attention. But something pulled me back to them.

“Rai, do you want my pepper?”

“Sure.” I knew it - it was him, without a doubt.

Unable to help it, tears streamed noiselessly down my face. If I thought I was done crying, I suppose I was wrong. Those tears earlier were only the beginning. I could understand why he told me today - because he wanted to take his new girlfriend out on a date a few hours afterward. My idea of “maybe the truth was tormenting him” had been kicked out of my mind. It had been done to clear his schedule with me.

“Is the food good, Leiko?”

So, this poison to our relationship had a name? Interesting…and ironically, she wore a strapless dress color of a stormy night. I never imagined that Rai would even show a drop of interest in a girl like her.

“Uh huh! Oh, Rai-Rai, you’re spoiling me!”

Bile rose in my throat at the mention of his nickname. What kind of monster was she, and most importantly, why did he toss me aside for her?

“Excuse me, miss.” A hostess walked up and startled me. “Would you like a table?”

“N-no thank you - I’m alright.” Quickly peeking out the window, I noticed that the rain had let up some. I had no reason to be here anymore. “Actually, I’m about to leave-”

At the exact same moment I stood up, I found Rai standing, staring with an open mouth at me. He didn’t expect to see me here, and was working on something to say to soften the blow - but he had no clue that I already knew.

“I guess this is over, huh? I-I’ve got to go…”

“Sada-”

“No - I don’t want to know you anymore!”

I backed into the door, pushing it with my elbows while my eyes were locked onto his. My heartbeat pounded rapidly, and I was too frightened to breathe. The last bit of closure I had created for myself was unraveling as my heels left the sidewalk and hit the road…

“Sada, NO!” His hand reached out, a panicked expression on his face as he ran out to stop me.

But he couldn’t and I couldn’t - it was out of our control. I was helplessly slipping from the sidewalk, with nothing to hold on to. Bright car headlights paralyzed me and the screech of tires coming to an abrupt halt left me deaf.

“I didn’t want to do this to you-”

“Then you shouldn’t have…”

Did it comfort me that he still thought of me when I was in danger? Although he had abandoned me, crushed my heart, and left me in the rain, maybe he realized that he missed me. It was too late. Wasn’t it always?

I was too broken for tears, lying under the stopped car, allowing the pain to spread over me. There was a hand reaching for mine - and I knew it was his, but I refused it, curling my own into a fist. Like the ocean tide, a pool of my blood trickled closer to his hand, ready to scare it away. Thankful I would never see his face again, I smiled, wondering how in the world this fate had become mine. True, it was appropriate, but I had not imagined myself in this situation at all.

“Sada, please, answer me!”

“L-let me be free,” I pleaded weakly in reply, my vision disappearing slowly by the second. “I don’t want t-to be tortured by you anymore…”

When everything was enveloped in darkness, I knew it was over - the final scene had been shown. Finally, I was released of my torture and he would be left to face my memory for many sleepless nights…

random babblei don't want to ruin the reader's reaction for this intense story, so for once, i'll shut up. a bientôt et au revoir (see you soon and good-bye)!