Bardos The Quad and The Earthmen As Told By Bardos

(a short essay by V.E. Silber)

Greetings. I am Bärdös Klrgförnj, of the planet Fdgtljöngkj17Quädljn, of the galaxy Ioooùj. I am writing to the Universal Council on behalf of my planet Fdgtljöngkj17Quädljn on the petition to destroy the Human race on the planet Earth of the Milky Way Galaxy, and preserve the planet as an Endangered Species Sanctuary. I, Bärdös Klrgförnj, have devoted twenty years out of my short one hundred and twenty one years of life to researching this small almost inconsequential planet and the nature of its various species. I, being a doctor of Research and Exploration and a renowned environmentalist in several galaxies (also the author of the bestselling novels in several regional galaxies: Deep Space Exploration: A Quad’s Guide to Space Discovery; Alien Planet Field Research for Dummies; and Deep Universe Exploration: A Quad’s Guide to Outer Limit Orientation) was assigned by my Galactic Senate to do a field investigation of the planet recently discovered in the Milky Way galaxy, the small and rural Earth. This petition includes a summary of my extensive research and observations that provide evidence onto why I believe the Human species should be destroyed and their little planet of Earth preserved as a Milky Way galactic monument. These are my paraphrased logs.

Upon first arriving on earth, I found myself greeted by a rustic setting of undeveloped beings. Rustic being a flattering term, I should change my statement to Bestially Natural. A blonde field and a harmonious inhabitable desert-plant-life of such beauty and magnitude the likes of which I have never before encountered (save on the little known planted of Turgletoise III, where all photosynthetic beings are pink and have large bubbles of acidic blue liquid), and no Communication-Developed beings to be found save a handful of a tribe of the most curious little community. Small males and females of dark skin and thin, gangly bodies. Their hair tuff and dark, their bare bodies adorned with few hand carved wooden knickknacks and the only covering protecting the most fragile of reproductive organs is a napkin sized animal skin. Though very primitive in appearance, their higher peace is entirely admirable and their language is impossibly and unintelligibly complex. Their form of communication consists of dialect based formed words made with the mouth and vocal chords and odd simultaneous clicks originating from the back of the throat in an inexplicable manor. They hunt other existing animals on their planet merely for sole necessity and happen to be very polite and apologize to their prey before killing it. They have no violence or crime among themselves seeing as there is no law so there are no laws to be broken, but yet, why would these little Bushmen think of doing such a thing? They love each other and they love the Earth. They would never even imagine to think about ever doing anything even remotely violent or cruel. They are sweet and peaceful and have all the potential in the world to remain that way. At this point in my research I was certain the Human race was a quiet, sweet, peaceful one, that knew nothing of technology or higher existence beyond Earth. It was a shocking truth, when I came to find out, that I had been staggeringly wrong.

Just a few knots away, mechanical transportation zooms over roads made of asphalt. This is Machine Man. They are the opposite of this first mentioned human species. They are loud, and violent, and impolite and disrespectful. They need laws that are harmful onto themselves just to protect them from each other. They eat food that is unnaturally obtained, and adapt themselves to their own adaptations of life. They are silly and extreme and speak too much, saying little. Their language is simple and devoid of any higher purpose. They are frustratingly stubborn, death and violence oriented and repulsively stupid in a large way. They seem unable to understand the harm that they do to their own race, or even the harm that they do onto the planet they live on (which is, in essence, destroying it with each passing day). And the reason they are “Machine” Man is because they have made their own technology and have become entirely dependent on it. Not only this, but they use the machinery and technology in a counterproductive fashion. They use the technology to destroy each other, the planet, and their own environment. They cannot live without it, but kill each other with it. The Machine Man existence is like one big ironic paradox. If only they could just kill off their own entire race and get the whole thing over with. The frustrating little game of seeing them kill each other back and forth, and starve to death slowly, and eat away at their planet’s natural resources and kill off the things that make their planet habitual and wonderful with each passing day by releasing toxic chemicals into the air via their machinery. If only the Bushmen were the only human race existing on Earth. It would be a far better place, especially for the Human race, seeing as they only make it worse for themselves (but let us not forget other species of animals as well, which are constantly negatively affected by the horrible “alterations” the Humans make onto the planet Earth). If only the Bushmen could forever remain pure and untouched. Sadly, this is not the case either.

I was once upon a time fortunate enough to sit in on a Bushman-Machine Man encounter. It was the most frustratingly saddening thing I may have ever witnessed (except for the gruesome mating ritual of the Gawagawas of planet Dawdawa). It must be understood that Machine Man is varyingly pitied for its largest weakness of fearing what it does not understand and what it does not know. And when a Human is afraid, it resorts to violence and unbecoming, impolite behaviour as a result. And seeing as Machine Man does not understand the language of the Bushman, that is the first reason to be afraid, in the mind of the Machine Man. The second reason for panic is that they do not know nor understand the nature or the customs of the Bushman or the “ignorance” of the Bushman to their customs and way of life. And third, slightly less important but still quite apparent, reason to fear is that the Bushman wears very little if any clothes to be spoken of, and the Machine Man, clad from practically head to toe in quite unbecoming dress, does not know or understand the reasons the Bushman has for being nude (or semi-nude) nor do they find it appropriate or adapted by their evolved culture – which is another point the Machine Man fears: things which are not adapted or effected by their cultural limitations. Seeing as the Machine Man becomes violent due to his inherent fear of everything the Bushman stands for, the Machine Man can find nothing more to do than to impose their wrongful cultural laws down upon him. They may even openly resort to crass violence. That day was a difficult day as a researcher not to intervene with the Machine Man’s dim actions and rescue the poor Bushman from their lack of understanding. But it is important under those sorts of circumstances to remember one’s professionalism. It was then that I decided to extend my research of the planet Earth from the single section I had been inhabiting to the entire globe, intrigued by this idea that the Machine Man feared everything they did not know or understand. If this fear, seeing as it was so uncannily strong, gripped all Human kind (save the Bushmen), all Machine Men must be the same and identical on a level of mediocrity. And surprisingly, for the first time in a long time I was mistaken. There are hundreds upon hundreds of different Machine Man cultures, all different in customs, colours, sizes, languages and dress. But all gripped by the same fear previously spoken of. How could this be, you might yourself wonder. How could all these cultures be so different and coexist with each other if all of them fear what they do not know or understand? It is in reality a very simple answer. They don’t. Machine Men, as undoubtedly stubborn and feeble-minded as they are, refuse to live in peace with each other and insist on destroying or resorting to violence with everything that crosses its path which it does not understand, which is quite often as you may well imagine. It remains unclear to me as to why these Human cultures evolved so differently, perhaps it is the amount of received sunshine or lack there of; but one thing can be entirely certain: the Machine Man has evolved into a very unhealthy state of existence. A self-destructive cycle, if you may. This has almost never before been observed (save on the planet JuniperXAngle25 where the endangered species of Ferlomites evolved into being able to eat and digest their own flesh). Their progression has been a disservice to themselves and their once beautifully unharmed planet Earth, which they readily destroy at the twist of an ignition key. Anything that crosses their unholy Human feet they do a disservice to. It is to my greatest hopes and prayers that they will not progress as a species any further.

It is predicted that nothing good can lie in store for the Human race, especially judging by their evolutionary progress to date. Peace and a harmonious way of life, it has been proven, is entirely impossible amongst the many diverse Human cultures, due to Machine Men’s inherent fear of the unknown and that which is different from them. It is in our strongest beliefs that if the human race is not destroyed before they destroy each other entirely, they will destroy themselves and take this marvellous little jewel of a planet and its other varyingly simple species with them, that which would be a dreadful shame. In conclusion, my initial proposal for the destruction of the entire human race and preserving the planet Earth as an Endangered Species Sanctuary remains, however, this time with a slight variation: destroy the whole of the Human race with the exception of the Bushmen, who should be left unharmed, unphased and untouched as an endangered organism of the sanctuary, seeing as the Bushmen themselves are truly an endangered species of their own. If this is not an entirely possible option, the entire destruction of the planet Earth is also considered as a second solution, seeing as we mostly believe that Universe would just be better off without this monster of a species. Though previous is still strongly suggested as a first alternative.