Goodbye…

“Hey, it’s me again.” I smiled as the wind gently blew across my face. The day was perfect; not a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining brightly. “There are somethings I want to talk to you about. This is kind of hard for me, just so you know. Well, I might as well start from the beginning. I didn’t know how much I actually cared about you until it happened. My hatred towards you instantly disappeared as guilt and grief too over. I mean, it’s my fault you’re…you know. It’s kind of your fault too; you just aggravate me so much I have to do something about it. I remember it all like it was yesterday.”

--

I was sitting in my room doing my homework, not like I wanted to. I mean, come on, I’m a sixteen-year-old girl alone in my room doing homework when I should be out with my friends having fun. But my dad made sure that I finished my homework before I had any fun. It was kind of hard to do with the storm raging outside and the lights being off. I had to do my homework with a candle and a flashlight incase the candle went out.

Talk about pathetic!

I wasn’t supposed to have visitors over when I’m doing homework, and who would want to come and visit me in this storm? You. It’s always you who had to come and cheer me up. Why can’t you actually cheer me up when I need it? You always have to aggravate me.

And I always have to do something back.

“Hey, whatcha doing?”

‘I’m picking my nose, what’s it look like?’ I think as I roll my eyes. I look up and see that he’s messing with the pictures of my family. “Put those down!” I shout, startling him. He drops one in surprise and making the glass crack. “Goddamn!” I sighed in frustration and made my way towards my closet where a broom was located.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he put the other pictures back. “I didn’t mean to break it.”

“Whatever,” I muttered as I swept up the glass into my dustpan. I’d have to vacuum up the small pieces, but I wanted to leave them there for him to step in. I mean, he deserved it. “What’re you doing here anyway? It’s pouring out, did you drive here?”

“Yup,” he responded as he smiled. I hated his smile; it was a cross between a smirk and a teasing smile. That smile was what made me fall for him in the first place, but I had to hide my feelings for him. He all ready had another girl who stole his heart, and him, away from me in a way. I hid my feeling for him from him ever since I met him, but they’ve only grown more and more each passing day. It was hard for me to see him with another girl, but I knew I had to get used to it eventually.

“And you didn’t crash?” I questioned as I looked at him.

“You sound like you wanted me to crash,” he said suspiciously.

“Get real!” I went over to the trashcan and dumped the glass inside before returning to my desk. The orange flames danced next to my paper as the candle still burned. I picked up my pen and continued, ignoring him for a while.

“So, why have you been avoiding me?” he suddenly asked. The question caught me by surprise so I dragged my pen up the page, causing a huge black line to appear on my homework. I guess I’ll have to do it all over again. No big deal.

“What do you mean? I’m not avoiding you.” Truthfully, I have been avoiding him. And it isn’t hard to notice when you’re best friends is avoiding you. Every time I see him coming down the hall I’d turn around and find another route to my class. At lunch I’d sit with some of my senior friends so I wouldn’t have to see his face. During cross country practice I’d run with my freshmen friends so I wouldn’t have to deal with him.

“Yes you are. Every time I try to talk to you, you leave suddenly making up some lame excuse.” He has his arms crossed and he’s glaring at me, like he has the right to be angry. If any one of us should be angry, it should be me. “You going to explain why?”

“You don’t deserve to know,” I responded coldly as I continued writing. Maybe I was a little bit harsh, I mean, it’s not his fault I fell for him. Screw that, it’s totally his fault.

“I think I do, seeing as you’re being a bitch towards me!” I looked up to see him glaring at me.

As if that was going to intimidate me in the first place.

“I’m being a bitch towards you!?” I laughed a little. “You deserve it for what you did to me!”

“I did nothing to you!”

“Did so!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

Yeah, he and I always fight. Some people wonder if we’re dating since we fight a lot. Sadly, we aren’t. Although he’s my best friend, we fight all of the time. Even over the smallest, and usually stupidest, things we have to have our differences. That’s one reason why I like him so much, he’s a complete opposite of me. Even when we fight he keeps me laughing with his comebacks and he keeps a smile on his face.

Unless he severely pissed me off, like right now.

“Ok then, what have I done to make you hate me?” That question caught me by surprise too. I never expected him to ever ask me that. Outside rain pounded down on the roof, lighting flashed, and thunder rumbled as we glared at each other. Growling in frustration, he grabbed my shoulders. I bit my lip to keep from crying out loud. He had a surprisingly strong grip and he was hurting my shoulders, but I couldn’t let him know that. I wasn’t weak. “Did you not hear me? What. Have. I. Done. To. Make. Me?”

“Leave me alone,” I growled as I backed out of his grasp.

“Not until you tell me!” he snapped as he grabbed my wrist and started to squeeze it.

“LET GO!” I tried to squirm out of his grasp but he held on tighter, his blue eyes boring holes into my head as I continued to try and get out of his grasp. I could feel it coming out of me, the reason. I couldn’t let it escape my lips, but I wanted him to let go so badly…

“TELL ME!”

“IT’S BECAUSE YOU BROKE MY HEART!”

He was stunned; we both were. I just stood there staring at the shocked look on his face. His blue eyes wide and his mouth was slightly open. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his face; he always had that affect on me. His looks weren’t that good compared to the other guys in my school, but he was the only one who could captivate my gaze. I tugged my hand away and backed up as he let his arm drop to his side.

“W-what?” He shook his head as if he didn’t believe what he had just heard.

“You heard me,” I muttered, my gaze still on his face. “You broke my heart. Shattered it to pieces, and even more pieces when you stomped on it and crushed it.”

“I-I didn’t know,” he whispered as he continued to shake his head.

“How could you not!?” I was really angry now. How could he not see the way I felt about him? “I…I gave you all of those presents for the Holidays ever since I first met you! I was so nice to you, did things for you! How could you not tell?”

“I-I just…” he was at a loss for words as he looked up at me. I didn’t tear my eyes away as I felt tears welling up in the corner of my eyes.

“You wanted to see how much you could hurt me,” I supplied for him in a hiss. “You flirted with…my friends right in front of my face on purpose! You’re going out with my flesh and blood on purpose, just to watch me hurt and feel the pain every time I see her!”

“No! That’s not it!” He was pleading with me with his eyes.

It wasn’t going to work on me this time.

“Godammit, you’re so oblivious if you couldn’t tell how I felt about you. I bet you liked watching my heart shatter!”

“I didn’t even do anything!”

“Liar!”

“I’m not lying.”

“Get out.” I knew I was over reacting, but he had seriously hurt me. What else was I supposed to do?

“What?” He asked softly, the pleading look was back in his eyes.

“Get out,” I repeated as I pointed towards the open door. “Get out! Get out of my house and get out of my life forever!” When he didn’t budge I shoved him towards the open door and out into the hallway.

“Wait, let’s talk about this,” he pleaded.

“No! Don’t you understand? I HATE YOU! GET OUT!” I slammed the door shut in his face and pounded my fist against it as tears fell freely down my cheeks. I listened as he went back downstairs and out the door. I listened as his car drove away. Now that he was out of my life, you think I’d feel great.

I felt awful.

I sat there the rest of the night thinking about what I had said. I knew deep down that I didn’t mean it and that I should apologize, but I couldn’t bring myself to it. After about an hour of stewing in my guilt, I tried to call his cell phone. There was no answer every time I tried. I think I tried about seven times, yeah, I was getting desperate. It wasn’t until the next morning that I had heard the news.

He was in a car accident that night. Apparently he was driving back to my place to work things out with me when a drunk driver slammed into the side of his car. He went rolling across the road and slammed into a tree. His neck broke on the impact at the same time his head went smashing into the windshield.

He was killed instantly.

I went to the funeral but I didn’t cry. For some reason the tears refused to come out. All of my friends were crying buckets but I couldn’t cry. Even when I was asked to speak in front of everyone, I didn’t cry, but I did confess on how I felt about him, how I loved him. Sure, his girlfriend was mad at me, but I didn’t care, I finally let the truth out. I finally felt free.

--

“Now you see how bad I feel. I didn’t want this to happen to you, I just wished you’d realized how I felt earlier so our lives could be a little bit better.” I paused to take a breath and listen to the sound of trees swaying in the background. “We could’ve even been better friends if you didn’t like me the way I liked you. Your girlfriend moved ever since then, to California. I don’t hear from her that much, but sometimes she calls. I just wished…we had a chance…to be together. I just wish we had a chance…I’m sorry. I guess you don’t want to see me cry, huh? School’s going great, I’m acing all of my classes. Of course I still have time for fun with our friends. We dedicate everything we do towards you and your activeness.” I stopped again to glance at my watch. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. I won’t be able to visit you that much anymore, just so you know. I’m going to be busy with school work and taking care of my dad. He’s sick now. Well, I’m glad you heard everything I said. I guess this is…goodbye.”

I turned and started to walk down the path, not wanting to look back. I could hear his voice following me saying gently as it mixed in with the breeze, “It’s not ‘goodbye’ yet. I’ll see you later.”

I smiled.

A/N: Tell me if you think I should leave this as a one-shot or add more chapters to it.