Loss.

How does one describe it?

I feel the ebb and flow,

It swirls around me,

An ocean.

Right now it breathes as a storm

Pounding on the beaches,

Berating my inattention.

I missed out,

It reminds me.

I didn’t stay close enough,

I didn’t ask those questions,

I didn’t listen,

I refused to care,

And selfishly turned inwards.

Now, I look out,

And all I see are the empty spaces,

The faces who know longer wish to see

Or simply cannot.

I hate to be alone,

To know the one who cares the most about myself

Can be only myself.

My heart cries out inside,

Abandoned.

I see loved ones grow old,

They pass away

Before I barely have a chance to grow,

A chance to see their lives,

To ever see them again.

I see friends turn from life,

Bitter thoughts swirl their minds

And only death brings comfort.

I stand too far away to aid them,

I can only watch them die from afar.

I see heartbreak all around me.

Some things that can never be,

And others that have ended forever.

Friendships are splintered,

Fractured,

Separated.

I want to help,

I don’t want to see endings,

I cry at my helplessness.

The pattern of life moves on,

But the changes crush me inside

And I find it hard to breathe.

My self-loathing accompanies me,

My inability to stand on my own,

Disgusts me.

And yet I know, that any pain I feel

Is far outstripped by others

I have seen many more tormented than I,

And I am ashamed of my weakness.

The loss I feel

Is a swelling crest

A wave,

Drowning me in reflections

And smothering me in the remembrance

Of what is no more.

I stand up,

I sigh,

I cry to the skies,

I breathe deep the crisp air,

And dive once more into my waves.

Loss is life.

Whatever I feel,

Whomever I lose,

Whatever path I may choose,

All I need is a chance to breathe in,

And a hand to hold.