|State Of Irony
Author: Enigmatic Night PM
A state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result. I do what I want, if only I knew what exactly what that was. Rated M for Swearing and Mature -ha- Themes.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 158,551 - Reviews: 656 - Favs: 305 - Follows: 357 - Updated: 12-30-12 - Published: 06-10-07 - id: 2374268
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: An experiment, since I unknowingly wrote it up. Tell me what ya think!
Summary: So Jesse is a self proclaimed lesbian. But she attends an ALL boys school... ironic much? However... what happens when the new guy thinks he can convert her, and her stupid best friends since birth (and the reason she attends Deacon Academy) seem to not be helping but fanning the situation? A perpetual state of ironic affairs that's what. Not to mention one big headache for Jesse who seems to find herself inching closer and closer towards the fence between gay and straight... Jesse Destiny Deacon: Lesbian Extraordinaire.
Jesse Destiny Deacon: Lesbian Extraordinaire.
"Daaaaayyyyummmmnnnn, I'd hit that!" Damien hissed as a girl walked by, I looked up through my bangs tilting my head to the side as she continued to walk past, her hips swaying making that perfect pendulum swing. My dark eyes took in her appearance.
Yep, she was hot. Her tanned legs appeared to be perfect… as in perfect. No tan lines, no hints of orange, but a perfect tanned tan. Her brunette hair (I've always had a thing for brunettes, despite the fact that I -myself- am a blonde) was piled in a messy bun atop her head, that was thrown back exposing her delicate throat, as she laughed throatily at whatever the person on the phone said.
I bit my bottom lip.
"Dude I think Jesse's about to cream just watching her." I burst out laughing when Mikey's voice spoke out. Throwing my donut at him I growled.
"Shut up fag." I mumbled, grabbing myself another donut. The guys (bar Carlo who treated all women with respect for fear of his matriarchal mother) were a bunch of chauvinistic bastards.
"Pfft, rug muncher." He retorted
"You do the same thing!" I giggled as his grey eyes widened before sulking like a baby. Which in the group -being a year younger than the rest of us at 17- he was.
"Yeah, but… whatever." Mikey was way too easy.
"Haha, Mikey went down on a girl!" Seth laughed, making a V sign with his fingers and poking his tongue through it like a serpent .. ew. I rolled my eyes before coming to poor Mikey's defence.
"Seeds (I purred, using the nickname I bestowed upon him) you saying you go down on guys?" I grinned as Seth reddened, his clean cut model like features set in slight disgust at my implication.
"Hell nah Jess that's just wrong." He mumbled. My grin widened, as I shook out my shoulder length blonde hair.
"Well then… don't pick on the weaker ones of the pack, it's… unmanly." The guys (except for Carlo who was writing, he was always writing..) began to discuss all the things they'd do with the leggy brunette who still stood by the table talking idly on the phone, I found myself staring off into space. Their deep voices lulling me into a sort of thought induced trance.
You may not know me, it's ok… I get all excited when people don't know me, because at my school I'm something of a celebrity, an infamous pupil. Really, people either know me or know of me, and I'm not just blowing my own horn. Not that I have one.
I'm Jesse Destiny Deacon, I may not seem out of the ordinary right now, sitting with my four best friends at Trent's Café just watching the lunch hour go bye. But on school grounds, I'm a legend.
Why? Because I'm the only girl that attends Deacon Academy. Yep that's right Deacon as in my last name Deacon. It's the only reason I have the choice to attend, because my family owns it.
There was a bit of a hullabaloo when I first started, believe me it wasn't easy… the whole media coverage about nepotism and how unfair it is and whatnot. But seriously, why bother owning something if you can't reap the benefits, and if the benefits are merely letting your own (and only) daughter attend an all boys school (that you own…) so that she could attend with her closest friends, then so be it, right? Hells yeah!
It's not like my parents had to worry about me getting freaky with any of the guys there and prematurely landing myself the role of mommy.
I know what you're thinking, whoa all the hot guys I can choose from. The thought doesn't really appeal to me… because if you haven't already guessed...
I bat for the same team as the four gorgeous guys before me. They all know it, even my parents know… I sorta just laid it out there during dinner two years ago when I turned sixteen. Let's just say my family and I hardly keep things from each other, although I sometimes wish my parents weren't so 'open'. Its irksome to have your friends come to your mom for that sort of advice. And god forbid mother not be home and they resort to dad… really, it makes me want to die.
Right, back to my sexual preference, my parents think it's a phase I'm going through, you know that "experimental" phase, my dad (I think I'm mentally scarred) even told me of his own experimental phase… I laughed so hard (mortified) I nearly peed my pants.
"Dad, please.. I rea-" But he cut me off, his blue eyes reassuring.
"Honey it's ok that you're trying to find yourself, lord knows nowadays it's more acceptable I guess."
"Mom, can you please stop him? Please?" I implored, appealing to the dark haired woman sitting to my right, her brown eyes met mine and she winked.
"Darling, Jesse doesn't really want to know what you got up to when you were young." My mom was a very diplomatic woman, it was how she was able to get to college in a family where their women were bred… for breeding. More precisely 'breeding heirs' too bad she decided to stand on her own two feet leave them to pursue a career in Therapy, then marry a successful businessman like my father and still be an independent woman. Go mom!
"Look sweetie we understand that you may not want to hear this but it's import-" My cell phone clambered to life, the name flashing was Carlo… he saved my butt that day.
"Sorry, it's Carlo, must be important, you know he's not big on talking." I snapped the phone open and wandered away from the table,
"Tell Carlo to remind his father its his turn to bring the cigars!" My dad shouted out, I merely waved my arm in acknowledgment.
But where was Carlo when dad decided to corner me the next day and tell me about the Spanish male dancer he met while on spring break. (insert shudder here)
My thoughts turned from my father's Spanish experience to my own… her name was Domitila, which meant 'tame little one' I wonder if her parents knew that Dom was anything but tame.
I guess during the summer of my 16th when the guys were romancing girls in Spain, I was being enticed by a Spanish seductress two years my senior. Of course it never went too far, I'm still what the Spanish call a 'virgin joven'.
"Jesse, if you're done daydreaming we have classes to get to." Carlo's tanned arm held up a blue exercise book fanning me with it.
"Huh?" I shook my head,
"Ew you're drooling." Seth tossed over a napkin, I am? I wiped my mouth as the guys erupted into laughter.
"You never cease to amaze us with your lack of grace- oof." I sucker punched Seth in the board where his stomach was supposed to be, only hurting myself in the process. Ugh, men and their rock hard bodies. "Copping a feel?" He raised a dark eyebrow as his grey eyes (a trademark Hobson trait) gleamed at me. Despite looking like Mikey's exact opposite, Seth and Mikey were cousins… only Seth was half Greek, his middle name was even Adonis. He was our pretty boy, seriously… with his tanned skinned colouring and hard rock six pack… coupled with his 'you know you want this' killer smile, Seth could make any girl want him. And boy did he have the ego to go with it.
I smirked, "Oh yeah baby, it's making me hot." I drawled, Mikey pouted. Running a wiry hand through his blonde curls. Where Seth was a smooth talking hottie, Mikey was your adorable blonde skater boy.
"I thought you only secretly felt me up!" He cried indignantly causing me to chuckle.
"Y'all know I feel all of you up, accept for Carlo, because he and I… we show respect for each other, rispetto ah?" I slung my arm over Carlo's shoulders (only having to tip toe a little) as I spoke in the fake Italian accent that I was horrible at. He grinned back, his dark eyes glinting in the sun. Carlo, my sweet, strong and silent type Carlo. He wasn't hot, no.. he was more along the lines of ruggedly handsome, it was the exotic Italian lineage.
"Besides, if I were straight… it'd definitely be Mr De Luca over here as my main course.. You guys would just be my bits on the side."
"Whatever, I'm going to get that girl's number, I'll catch up." Damien's hazel eyes never left the girl's backside as he informed us of this. He was our token black guy, even though he was only half. His tall frame complimented his muscular body nicely. As he licked his thick lips and began to saunter over, rather then leave him, we watched interestedly. Damien was only just getting over his last girlfriend who cheated on him, with half of her public school's football team… that slut.
Damien was a softy at heart and took it to heart when girls cheated on him, he just didn't know how to pick em I guess.
"That girl's hurt'n for a squirt'n." Mikey muttered, as the brunette giggled at whatever Damien said to her, she hung her phone up and slipped it into her tiny purse.
"Mikey, what did I say about quoting the 40 year old virgin?" I clipped the back of his head ducking to the other side of Carlo. Muahaha, he was my shield.
"Jess… stop hitting me!" Mikey lunged forward anyway, only to grab an armful of air.
"Man up Mikey!" I teased, before letting go of Carlo and wrapping my arm around Mikey's narrow waist, offering a full on pout, "I'm sowwy." I drawled affectionately.
"You're lucky I love you." He muttered sulkily,
"Like she cares, our lesbian has no heart to speak of." Seth piped up, his voice velvety.
"Shut up Seeds." Wow I'm on a roll with the alliteration today.
"Don't call me that!" He growled, I'd dubbed him 'Seeds' after his Greek mother (whom I loved to death) shouted at him to not plant his 'seeds' lest he be prepared to reap what he sowed, one night on our way out. Lord knows how many grey eyed, dark haired seeds were out there now.
"What? Yo-" I began to retort,
"Let's get back… I have English next and since I finished my assignment I don't mind going." Carlo interrupted, his dark hair ruffled slightly by the breeze. I reached out to smooth it down, only I'm allowed to touch the Man's hair. It comes with being the only girl of the group.
Life was good, especially when I could scam on all the hot girls they picked up.
"Jess go get Damien." Carlo pushed me gently in the direction of our caramel coloured friend.
"He's not gonna come, he's in flirt mode." I protested, but when Carlo fixed me with those Hershey's kisses eyes I couldn't help but comply. "Fine, G-Bluff?" The guys nodded, identical smirks on their faces. G-Bluff or 'Girlfriend bluff' was when I pretended to be a jealous girlfriend. It was hilarious... to the three not losing a prospective "companion" that is.
I walked towards Damien, he was not going to be happy… but I'd shaken away any inhibitions by the time I reached them.
"Damien! Baby, what are you doing talking to this skank!" Damien's hazel eyes rolled and -as the girl turned to fix me with a blue eyed glare- gestured for me to 'shoo'.
I latched onto his arm, the girl looked from me to Damien. "Who the hell are you calling a skank? It's not like I knew he was taken-"
"No-" Damien started but I slapped him -lightly- on the arm.
"That's it! I'm sick of your cheating ways Damien!" I shrieked, people walking by cast curious looks at us… the brunette's blue eyes widened.
"You better back away from my man bitch!" I growled, the girl backed away… haha even when I had to look up at her, it was good to know that I could strike fear into her beautiful self. I stepped threateningly close, tucking a piece of paper -with my number- into her front hip pocket.
Wheeling around, I grabbed Damien's arm and dragged him away, he shook me off and walked ahead…with his head down -see? Told you he'd be mad. I turned back to look at the girl who was looking at the piece of paper, her face the picture of confusion.
Catching her eye I made telephone gestures, mouthing... "Call me."
Before she could respond I turned to join my friends, Seth ruffled my hair muttering, "Heartless bitch."
Mikey hi-fived me and Carlo merely nodded with that serene smile that only he could off.
I caught up with Damien who's hands were shoved into the pockets of his jeans as he walked ahead, "On a scale of one to ten, how angry would you say you are?" I asked meekly, looping my arm through his.
"I'm not even on the scale." He said through gritted teeth, Damien Henderson wasn't one to hold a grudge… the angrier he was at first, the faster it was to dissipate.
"Good, then we're abso-fucking-lutely fine." I grinned, hugging his arm. "By the way, you may have not gotten her number, but she's got mine." I said sweetly, Damien shook his head.
"You're a bitch." He muttered warmly.
"Yeah but she's our bitch." Mikey supplied from behind, I flipped him off not bothering to turn around.
"Haha, our lesbian bitch." Seth intoned.
"Lesbian Bitch Extraordinaire." I said in a singsong voice, basking in the irony of being a lesbian at an all boys school. "Lesbian bitch Extraordinaire."
What do you think? Review? Good, bad … ugly?
I know, I know… I still have two rather unfinished stories… and I said I wouldn't be updating ACC until after exams.
Well to any A Classic Case and Rocked Like Me Readers… I have snippets and previews on my profile.
But seriously, this thing just wrote itself. I was sitting here trying to churn out some answers for my Philosophy assignment when I zoned out.
When I zoned back in… this was written.
So review? I'll love ya for it!