New Person, I am.

I locked myself away,
not letting the feelings go withstanding.
I was afraid, I admit,
of what they might mean.

The thoughts,
that pasted through me,
on my way to understanding,
were along ways away from
the way of forming words.

This was a new experience for me.
the years of writing in my journal,
had escaped me.

I wasn’t ready.
I hadn’t prepared myself for
this outcome.

I locked myself away,
with the fear of non-acceptance.

I had come out.
But the door was quickly shut in my face.

I didn’t fight back.
For the first time ever.
I accepted it,
not ready for my best friend to hate me.

Not ready at all.

They couldn’t understand this new me.
This one with power,
they could not experience.

This was the new me.
And they quickly told me no.
And I stood no fight against the people,
Who rarely told me that
I was wrong.

They used to love me.
Now they walk around me,
with an errie calm.

They don't want to break me.
They fear what that might entail.

What they don't know is that,
I'm cracked.

And I'm in no shape to heal.

------------------------

Hey, I'm back. It's a new summer. New thoughts. New experiences.
I haven't written since...november?
I was listening to my ipod. Trying to find a song that would make me remember. I happened upon Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. This is one song that I use too not be able to listen to the whole song because of the pain it made me feel. I don't know if I have gotten through that or if it's just buried. I ran downstairs, turned on my computer, opened up Microsoft Word and typed this. I honestly don't know if this is good. Or if its just want turns out after months of not writing. For all I know, its terrible. And if it is, forgive me. I just hope you review and tell me what you think. Lots of love, Liz.