Unexpected Case Of Adultery

Policeman: Please sit down, Mrs. Slater. Now I will read out your rights:You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Anything you do say may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish. If you decide to answer questions now without an attorney present you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present?

Witness: Yeah, yeah, whatever

Policeman: Good we can move right along then. Now I’m going to ask you some questions. So where were you at 12:38 am on Friday, December 25th

Witness: I had gone out for a couple of drinks with some friends to celebrate Christmas.

Policeman: Do you have other family besides your late husband?

Witness: My parents. They live in Virginia.

Policeman: What part of Virginia?

Witness: I forget.

Policeman: O….k

pause

So you didn’t spend Christmas with Nick?

Witness: No. Since we got married he started acting different.

Policeman: How so?

Witness: Well when we went on our honeymoon he didn’t really, you know, he seemed disinterested.

Policeman: How can you tell?

Witness: Well he seemed happy to be with me but after we got married he would go on long trips and never seem to be home.

Policeman: What happened on your honeymoon?

Witness: What?

Policeman: You said Nick seemed disinterested. Can you explain further?

Witness: Well I just wanted to be together, like alone, and he was always at the bar talking to the guys.

Policeman: How long ago were you married?

Witness: Umm…a little less than a year ago.

Policeman: So in March?

Witness: May

Policeman: I see. So tell me everything you remember about what happened on the 25th.

Witness: Well I woke up on Christmas morning to find that he wasn’t there. We went out the night before to party at the Disco. I was tired so I came home early.

Policeman: What time is early?

Witness: Umm…around 1-ish? I don’t remember. Anyway before I left I asked him to please be home for Christmas and he promised he would be. But then when I woke up the next morning, like I said earlier, he wasn’t there. I stayed in bed for a few hours, like till 12 and then I went downstairs to eat something.

Policeman: Okay.

Witness: After I made some breakfast I ate it in front of our TV we have in the kitchen.

Policeman: What did you watch?

Witness: Some boring lecture Bush was giving on Channel 5.

Policeman: I see. What did you do after you ate? Did you phone your parents?

Witness: Phone my parents?

Policeman: Did you call up your parents in Virginia to wish them a Merry Christmas?

Witness: They don’t celebrate Christmas.

Policeman: Alright then. Did Nick ever come home?

Witness: No

Policeman: Not even to drop something off or to come get something?

Witness: Not that I know of.

Policeman: Not that you know of?

Witness: Well I think I might have fallen asleep after watching Bush on TV but I don’t remember. It was kind of a dull, insignificant day so the details are hard to remember.

Policeman: So he could have come in during the day and you would not have noticed a thing?

Witness: Well yeah, so?

Policeman: Alright Mrs. Slater. What did you do after you supposedly fell asleep?

Witness: I woke up.

Policeman: (sighs) Naturally. What did you do after you woke up?

Witness: I ate some cheese.

Policeman: You ate some cheese?

Witness: Yep.

Policeman: You did not mention this the other six times we talked.

Witness: Look I told you, it was a dull day. Eating cheese is like totally insignificant.

Policeman: What kind of cheese?

Witness: Does it matter?

Policeman: What kind of cheese?

Witness: Orange

Policeman: Orange? As in chedar?

Witness: Yes! I forgot what it was called.

Policeman: Uh-huh. (Writes on notepad). So you ate Chedar cheese?

Witness: Mmhmm

Policeman: After you ate the cheese what did you do?

Witness: I took a walk because I needed the fresh air to clear my head.

Policeman: Where’d you go?

Witness: Downtown.

Policeman: It’s January.

Witness: Yeah, and?

Policeman: You weren’t cold?

Witness: I had a heavy coat on.

Policeman: A windbreaker?

Witness: I’m cold blooded.

Policeman: I see. (writes on notepad) What did you eat for breakfast?

Witness: Sorry?

Policeman: What did you have for breakfast?

Witness: Cheese pancakes.

Policeman: Cheese pancakes?

Witness: Pancakes stuffed with cheese.

Policeman: During the other 6 interviews you said you had blueberry pancakes.

Witness: (covers mouth) Oops! I meant cheese.

Policeman: (nods) I’m sure you did Mrs. Slater. (writes on notepad) Now the night before at the disco, did you drink any alcohol?

Witness: I don’t drink. I was dancing. Nick was the one drinking ten bottles every five minutes.

Policeman: Why was he drinking so much?

Witness: What do you mean?

Policeman: Did he have a specific problem that was getting to him?

Witness: I don’t know.

Policeman: You say the 25th was dull and insignificant.

Witness: It sure was.

Policeman: You think Christmas is dull and insignificant?

Witness: The holiday itself isn’t obviously, but I was just having a dull and miserable day.

Policeman: Miserable? I thought it was insignificant.

Witness: Well yeah.

Policeman: How was it miserable?

Witness: Well Nick didn’t come home for Christmas like he’d promised so I was pretty bummed out about that.

Policeman: Naturally.

Witness: And I was lonely without him and that added to me being miserable and all.

Policeman: I see (writes on notepad). So after you arrived downtown where did you go?

Witness: I went to a diner to get something to eat.

Policeman: What did you get?

Witness: A club sandwich, with extra cheese.

Policeman: Uh-huh. Did you get a drink with it?

Witness: I got a hot chocolate.

Policeman: A hot chocolate?

Witness: Yeah, I was cold and needed something to warm me up.

Policeman: I thought you were cold blooded Mrs. Slater.

Witness: What?

Policeman: You specifically told me earlier that you were cold blooded.

Witness: Oh yeah.

Policeman: Do you think Nick understood you when you asked him to be home for Christmas?

Witness: Well he answered.

Policeman: Yes but he could have easily forgotten with all those drinks.

Witness: Whatever.

Policeman: Whatever?

Witness: Whatever.

Policeman: Mrs. Slater, did you go immediately home after going to the disco with Nick?

Witness: I went with a couple of friends. Nick was not among us.

Policeman: Right (writes on notepad). So did you or did you not go immediately home after the disco dance?

Witness: I walked home.

Policeman: In the cold?

Witness: I told you I’m cold blooded.

Policeman: Of course you did. And you got home at 1?

Witness: Yep.

Policeman: After you went to the diner on the 25th where did you go Mrs. Slater?

Witness: I went walking around the park on Elm Street.

Policeman: Elm Park?

Witness: Yeah that place.

Policeman: Right (writes on notepad). How long were you at the park?

Witness: I don’t know. I don’t have a watch.

Policeman: Can you estimate?

Witness: I failed math in school.

Policeman: (sigh) Can you give me a rough idea of how long you were at the park Mrs. Slater?

Witness: I honestly have no idea.

pause

Policeman: Was Nick a friendly person?

Witness: Of course. He was very friendly. It was one of the reasons why I married him.

Policeman: You married him because he was friendly?

Witness: I said that was one of the reasons.

Policeman: Did your parents approve of your marriage to Nick Slater?

Witness: They don’t know.

Policeman: They don’t know what?

Witness: That I’m married.

Policeman: (shakes head) Okay Mrs. Slater. Did you see anyone at the park?

Witness: No. Its January. No one in their right mind goes to the park in January.

Policeman: That’s why you were there.

Witness: What?

Policeman: Never mind.

Witness: Excuse me?

Policeman: Never mind Mrs. Slater. So what did Bush say in his lecture?

Witness: Sorry?

Policeman: You said that you were watching President Bush on Channel 5 while eating cheese pancakes in your kitchen.

Witness: Oh yeah.

Policeman: So?

Witness: So what?

Policeman: What did Bush say?

Witness: Well I don’t really remember. You see it was going in one ear and coming out the other.

Policeman: I see

Witness: I was pretty spaced out and I kinda just watched his lips move.

Policeman: I see.

pause

Policeman: So while you were walking in the park did you stop to take a break?

Witness: Huh?

Policeman: From what you’ve told me Mrs. Slater you were walking quite a lot. Did you get tired at all? Did you rest your legs in the park?

Witness: Oh. (taps foot)

Policeman: Well?

Witness: Well what?

Policeman: Did you or did you not take a break in the park to ease the muscles in your legs?

Witness: I don’t know.

Policeman: You don’t know?

Witness: I don’t know.

Policeman: How can you not know?

Witness: Look I was pretty spaced out. I’d had a bunch of drinks at the Disco and I was feelings wicked lousy.

Policeman: I thought that Nick was the one who drank.

Witness: Excuse me officer?

Policeman: It says here that you said a few minutes ago that you did not drink at the disco and that you were dancing while Nick drank ten bottles every five minutes.

Witness: I beg to differ.

Policeman: Do you?

pause

Policeman: So at the park you do not remember whether or not you took a break.

Witness: Obviously.

Policeman: You said during our last session that after what seemed like several hours you saw people entering the park and walking along the sidewalk holding hands.

Witness: I sure did.

Policeman: You couldn’t see their faces?

Witness: It was getting dark and the street lamps are a pretty pathetic excuse for light.

Policeman: And you stopped walking?

Witness: I was on the bridge and when I saw them I was curious.

Policeman: So you watched them as they were walking along the sidewalk.

Witness: They were talking and laughing.

Policeman: Then you realized that they were two guys?

Witness: Yeah. It was crazy I nearly slipped off my feet.

Policeman: Are you sure that was what you saw Mrs. Slater?

Witness: What are you talking about? Of course I’m sure.

Policeman: But you just said that the street lights were pretty pathetic excuses for light so it might have changed what you saw somehow.

Witness: I am positive that is what I saw. While those lights are not reliable they were accurate.

Policeman: Of course Mrs. Slater.

pause

Policeman: Did Nick Slater have a cell-phone?

Witness: What?

Policeman: Did Nick Slater have a cell-phone?

Witness: No. He didn’t believe in that sort of thing (rolls eyes)

Policeman: I see.

pause

Policeman: So when the two men came near the bridge you dashed off it and hid behind a tree.

Witness: Precisely.

Policeman: And then when they walked by your spot you saw Nick was one of the guys?

Witness: (bitterly) Yes.

Policeman: This compelled you to follow them?

Witness: I followed them after they were a good distance away. They never noticed me either. They just kept walking and talking and laughing. They even kissed a couple of times, on the lips. It was repulsive. I nearly gagged but I controlled myself.

Policeman: Where did they go?

Witness: They walked back to their hotel.

Policeman: So they’re cold blooded to?

Witness: How should I know?

Policeman: (writes on notepad) Right Mrs. Slater. So you walked behind them and went to their hotel.

Witness: It started to rain when we got there and I felt that that was quite fitting. Snow would have been more to my liking though.

Policeman: O…k. So when they got in the elevator what did you do?

Witness: I covered my head with my hood and went in after them and stood in the corner.

Policeman: Your husband didn’t recognize you?

Witness: He was too involved with his mate.

Policeman: In a public elevator?

Witness: Why not?

Policeman: So when they reached their floor you followed them?

Witness: I walked passed them and pretended to unlock a door nearby. I looked to see what room they were in and waited till they had shut the door.

Policeman: Did they lock the door?

Witness: The job would have been so much easier if they had left it unlocked.

Policeman: Maybe they wanted their privacy.

Witness: Well yeah.

Policeman: So after that you went back down the elevator?

Witness: I went back down the elevator to the lobby and told the receptionist lady that I needed a key to room 8f and she asked me why and I told her my husband Nick Slater was in there and I was locked out of the room and he was already asleep. And she bought all of the lies and handed it over after I showed her my ID.

Policeman: So you went back up to 8f?

Witness: I went back up to 8f on that slow excuse for an elevator. I unlocked the door as quietly as I could and when I got in I could hear them doing something or other in the bedroom. I crept over and opened the door. They didn’t even notice me because they had their backs to me.

Policeman: What did you do next?

Witness: I unplugged the lamp that was on the bureau and that was when they felt another presence in the room. (grins) As soon as the other bloke turned his face I hurled the lamp at his head.

Policeman: (nods) And then?

Witness: The glass shattered all over his face and he was knocked out.

Policeman: He’s been in intensive care for a month.

Witness: Oh well. Anyway after I knocked out the bloke I wrenched the bedspread off the bed and jumped at Nick. I wrestled with him for about five minutes because he’s kind of strong but not really. Then I twisted the bedspread like a noose around his neck and pulled till I couldn’t hear him breathing anymore.

pause

Policeman: We still have been unable to find your parents’ location Mrs. Slater.

Witness: I don’t need them.

Policeman: You may return to your cell Mrs. Slater.