Tip-toeing out of my bedroom, I silently closed the door behind me before walking into the kitchen of our little apartment. The clock on the microwave read 2:41am. The soft tones of our cuckoo clock resonated throughout the small room. Normally it would have calmed me.

At that moment, it was nothing but an annoyance.

I was halfway to the 'fridge when a flicking sound was made and a controlled flame illuminated a small portion of the room. Jumping at the noise, I pushed myself against the counter. Whereupon I realized it was only my roommate (and best friend), Jacqueline. She was sitting at the table; freshly lit cigarette in hand.

"You scared me!" I breathed, my hand covering my chest. She chuckled softly before pushing the chair next to her out from beneath the table.

"Sit with me." She offered. Staring off at the fridge, I weighed which one I wanted to do more: grab the ice cream I had been going for, or sit down with my friend.

I opted for the friend. At least she had cigarettes.

Sitting down beside her, my elbows met with the clothed table top. Resting my face in my hands, I let out a low groan.

"What's the matter, love?" Jacqueline asked, taking another deep drag of the cigarette. The smooth and comforting aroma of her Camel menthol settled around the table. Raising my head, I met my friend's watchful eyes through the small amount of light the moon supplied through the window.

"I can't sleep." I sighed in submission. Jacqueline laughed again.

"I can see that."

"I just..." I started before mentally stopping myself. It was something I wanted to forget; to wash away in the past and never have to look forward to again. But I knew it was not stopping as I had so wished. "I kept tossing and turning. I can't stop thinking about Christian." Smiling softly, Jacqueline nodded her head in understanding. She had been trying to help me for a while to get that boy out of my mind and forgotten about; but nothing either of us did seemed to help. He was still there; his memory just as vivid as it would have been if he remained a main character in my life. "Every time I close my eyes, it's like he's here; like a ghost, he lingers and never disappears for a moment. It's irritating."

"I know, sweetie." My beautiful friend nodded her head. Reaching out her hand (the one not holding the cigarette), she gently stroked my arm. We let the silence take us over for a few minutes before I glanced at her quizzically.

"What are you doing up this late?"

"Heh," she laughed. "I can't sleep, either. I had a really... well... let's just say a 'bittersweet' dream of my own."

"About...?" I asked curiously. Not wanting to indulge a great deal of information, she supplied:

"My friend, Cara." Knowing the gist of the relationship those two shared, I said nothing but understood completely. Somewhere beyond all that mess, my heart rose. I could feel a small smile form on my lips; a great feat for a night such as ours. Yet I could not help but feel a little more optimistic about our situation. We always seemed to be there for each other when we most needed it; even if we had no idea we were being of any help at all.

Noticing my mild change in attitude, Jacqueline's black eyebrows rose up in silent inquiry. "What are you smiling about?"

Laughing softly, I shook my head. "Nothing special." I replied. Changing the subject, my focus once again turned back to the refrigerator. "Hey... do we have any more vodka left?"

"I think there's a little." Jacqueline replied, gesturing nonchalantly towards the freezer. Not needing to be told twice, I got up from my chair and headed straight for the freezer. Opening it, I spotted the quarter-full bottle of Raspberry Absolut and retrieved it. Stealing two shot glasses from the cupboard, I walked over to the table and set everything out. "Planning something?" My friend asked optimistically, gazing longingly at the alcohol.

"You bet." I smiled. As I sat down once more, Jacqueline reached for the bottle, opened it and poured out the desired amount into each shot glass. Gently sliding one over to me, she rose her own up.

"To heartaches," she toasted.

"And the fools who get heartbroken." I added with a smile. Grinning back, the toast met with our joint satisfaction. Clinking glasses together, we downed our own shots. Jacqueline winced slightly as the burning liquid slid down her throat. Caught off guard by the harshness of the drink, I coughed. Smiling sheepishly at my friend, I handed over my glass. "Another." I ordered.

"Really?" The raven-haired beauty set her emerald eyes upon me appraisingly. "You sure about that, hon?"

"Positive." I smiled before repeating: "Another."

"Alright..." sounding skeptical, that didn't stop her from meeting with my request. Pouring each of us another shot, she picked hers up and downed it in one gulp. I drank mine in two; still not completely familiar with the concept of taking shots. After that round of alcohol disappeared, Jacqueline asked, "Feeling buzzed at all?" Laughing aloud, I retorted.

"Not a bit."

"Want a cigarette?" She asked, pulling out her pack in order to retrieve another one for herself. Warnings and cautions about cigarettes swept through my mind, but I brushed them aside as I reached for one.

"Sure." I smiled. Taking the nicotine stick between my fingers, she lit it for me as it slid between my lips. Inhaling softly, I could feel the harsh smoke break through into my lungs. It was silly to think, but it was true: the cigarette seemed to calm me. The more the smoke broke through, the more enlightened I seemed to feel. The tobacco cleared away all the ailments of the earlier night. Every little thing about Christian that I had been battling earlier seemed to fade away. In place of the cruel heartache, I felt more at peace. Even worrying myself over his non-existence in my life seemed like a silly little memory of a crushing school girl. It wasn't too long before I laughed softly.

"You know," I reminisced, watching the smoke majestically drift up from the end of the cigarette. "I don't know why I keep letting him bother me so much."

"It's because you love him." Jacqueline said plainly. My heart skipped a beat before it seemed to stop altogether. I froze and glanced up at my best friend, scared to even inquire on what she had just said. She was staring off in the far corner of the room, the cigarette laying beneath her full lips. She looked like a model in the cigarette ads; the kind of people Camel would want smoking their brand. As she glanced sideways, she smiled faintly before removing the cig and inhaling. "I was only joking." She stated, allowing the grey smoke to evacuate her lungs and drift lazily throughout the room.

I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Sighing in relief, I laughed softly and inhaled again. It couldn't be true. I tried to convince myself. I know it's not true. It's just not possible.

I was pulled out of my reassuring thoughts of possible denial by Jacqueline's next inquiry. "Why? Did you believe me?" Looking back at her, I knew she could tell if I was lying. Shifting uncomfortably in my seat, I finally admitted my feelings.

"Well," I muttered. "I was scared it might be true..."

"How do you know it's not?" The psychiatrist she wanted to be was taking a hold of her once again. Watching me appraisingly, I sighed in submission.

"I just... don't want it to be." Downgrading my eyes to stare at my legs, I drew out a elongated sigh.

"Well," she shrugged. "What will happen will happen. Maybe you are in love with him. You just don't wanna admit it."

After thinking on that for a second, I delivered a curt nod. "You're right." I agreed. "I wanna live in denial." Gently pushing my glass so it slid to a stop right beside the bottle, I said: "Pour me another."

Fin.

Dedicated to Night Skye Tears!!! (Love ya, Poppet! Mua! HEEHEE).