Mean Nothing

This is dedicated to Eric. You might not realize it, but you hurt me more than could ever be put into words. I hope you realize that one day.

As she walks thought the halls, she can’t help but feel alone. She continues walking; only seeing all the couples and their whisperings of allegiance to each other. She watches as they kiss one another before the next class, and how the girls hold onto their partner, wishing for them not to leave.

She continues her walk to her next class, encountering more of the same over and over again throughout the labyrinth of halls. She sees more of the pairs cling to each other, as if they are destined to fall apart if the other leaves.

The girl with the brown eyes keeps walking; she’s almost to her class. Then she sees what she was hoping to avoid.

There he is, in all his heart breaking glory. She watches as he holds his girlfriend in his arms; wishing more than anything that it was she he was holding.

She begins turning; too late. He already saw her.

“Hey!” he says. The cheer in his voice makes her sick.

“Hey.” She replies sullenly, not turning to see his reaction. She begins walking away when she hears him speak.

“I wonder what’s up with her.” She hears him tell his equal.

“Who knows. It’s not your problem.” The girlfriend replies. Tears begin to well in her eyes, hoping that he won’t say what she thinks he’ll say.

“No, I guess it isn’t.” Now the tears overflow and stream steadily down her face.

Hearing this puts her over the edge. Instead of going to her class, she makes sure to pace herself as she goes to her car. She doesn’t want him to see the urgency in her step, or the tears now running freely down her face.

As soon as she was sure she far enough away, she broke into a run. She ran towards the back of the school, where she had parked her car that day. Her vision was blurred, and she came to a slow walk as she exited the school and approached her car.

It was a fairly warm day for early March. Just cold enough to where she could wear a jacket and be warm. That’s what she did; she grabbed the jacket she always kept in the backseat, and put it on.

As she did this, the tears ran furiously down her face, and it was to the point where she was gasping for air. She didn’t want to go back, back to those thoughts that she had filled her head with so many times.

As she cried she remembered so much about him. His smile, his eyes, the way he would flip his hair. She felt so stupid for liking him, for still liking him. Yet in her heart she knew she did not just like him, she loved him. And this brought on a new set of tears, for she knew that he was everything to her, and that she meant nothing to him.

She continued to cry until she knew her tears had run out. Now all that was left was the sound of her dry sobs.

Once she had composed herself, she looked at the clock; the period must be over by now. With that she started her car and began to back out of the lot, willing herself not to think about him, because she knew she would never make it to the first stop sign if she did.

As she turned to exit the parking lot, she became aware of a noise in the car. She realized that the stereo was playing a song, and it wasn’t helping. It was if the stereo knew what just happened to her, and wanted to mock her for being such an idiot. She recognized the song and drove to the side of the road; she couldn’t drive in the condition she was in.

Once on the side, she burst into tears once more. The song was such a perfectly cruel way to open her eyes. She didn’t want to listen to it, yet couldn’t turn off the damned stereo.

She sat there in her car, hating what she had let him do to her. And as she sat, she repeated the last words of the song, voicing her awareness on what she meant to him.

“But I mean nothing to you, and I don’t know why.”

A/N This is based on something that actually happened to me. Well actually what I felt. The name of the song is Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon if you wanted to know. All I can say is that I wish I had found it sooner.