Hate Me

By LiLin

Chapter 20: All Good Things Come To An End

“Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you.” – Hate Me, Blue October

RAYLIN

That night, I raced home after Rayne’s frantic call to find Charlie leering at me from the couch. My sister’s frightened voice played through my head, “He’s here again, sis. Mom’s still out working. I’m scared.” He got up and sauntered towards me, that cocky smirk still painted on his face. What a twisted man.

“What do you want?” I asked with bravado I knew I did not have, surprised that my voice was not shaking. His face twisted into something that resembled a snarl.

“Revenge,” he hissed, leaning close. I took a few steps back. His breath reeked of the unmistakable smell of alcohol. He strolled back to the couch and bent over to pick up an empty vodka bottle I had not seen.

“Revenge!” He repeated, louder and more maniacally this time. He practically leapt at me with the bottle raised, letting loose a feral cry. It would have been a comedic scene had I not been scared out of my wits. I backed away rapidly, trying to scream until my back slammed into a solid object. Shit. He lunged at me once more, and I dodged to the side quickly, hearing a crash as he slammed the bottle into the wall.

And then I was cornered.

“NO!” There was a horrified shout as I stared at the jagged edges of the bottle descending on… my… mother. The glass broke, cutting through her scalp, trickles of blood immediately marring her face. I moved my mouth but no sound came out.

“Mother!” I cried out at last, before glaring at the insane creature holding a bottle neck, cackling wildly. At that moment, he greatly resembled the antagonist in a fairytale, throwing back his head to laugh evilly. I shrieked in fury and picked up the lamp on the table. Yet before it came in contact with him, his laughter died out and he crumpled to the floor. I gasped when my eyes met Rayne’s petrified gaze behind him. My little sister was clutching a baseball bat, her knuckles white from gripping it too hard. How she obtained it was the last thing on my mind then when I noticed the blood streaming down his face.

“I killed someone,” Rayne whimpered, dropping the bat.

“No. No, you didn’t.” I assured her quickly, sounding calm despite the turmoil raging within me. I crouched down next to my mother. “Quick, Rayne, get a cloth.”

She stood frozen for a couple more seconds before her senses kicked in and she dashed off. I fished my cellphone out from my purse which was still hanging from my wrist and dialed for an ambulance.

It seemed like centuries before it arrived to drive us all to the hospital. It must have been quite a sight to see two shivering girls crouching on the floor, one holding a thick wad of cloth to her mother’s head and another one shooting glares at an unconscious man. In the hospital’s waiting room, I was clutching Rayne’s clammy hand, ready to snap like an overstretched rubber band. I was feeling suppressed and fear was beginning to override my ability to think clearly. What if my mother had not survived that blow to the head and it was all because of me? What if she left me? What if she left me just like my father did years ago? What if Viper left me because I did not wait for him back at the prom?

So many thoughts suddenly clouding my brain; my head was throbbing with pain.

I released Rayne’s hand and ignored her calling my name as I got to my feet and ran out of the hospital. I ran aimlessly, the wind whipping through my hair, tears running down my cheeks, skirt flaring out behind me – what a sight I was. Along the way, I felt my slippers slip off my feet but I paid no regards to them, still running at a speed my gym teacher would have been proud off. Just when I thought my sides were going to split with pain, I forced myself to slow to a stop, before realizing that the place looked oddly familiar.

Viper’s block.

At that time, it seemed like it would be a good time to find him, to seal the deal, to let him know that I wanted to bring our relationship to the next level and for it to last for more than a week. Never had the notion of ending our relationship been on my mind, but he misunderstood me in a way that I never expected. And I was incapable of conveying to him how I felt. I had never told anyone to their face how much I loved them because I spent the better part of my life cursing love and deciding that it did not exist. It was the first time he raised his voice at me, and for some unfounded reason I was scared. He was leaving me as well and there was nothing I could do about it. Staying would only confuse him, so I left. It was the stupidest decision I would ever make – but I left. My feet ached badly and I limped across a few streets when I could not take the pain any longer.

I have no idea how long I spent sitting there, staring into the darkness. And like an angel, cliché as it may sound, he appeared beside me, being so gentle and caring and so completely different from the person shouting at me earlier than I thought I was dreaming. I still loved him, but I didn’t want him, not anymore. I could not look at him the same way. A guy whom I literally offered my body to not as an obligation but because I was willing, apologizing, groveling, and all at once being the perfect boyfriend… didn’t seem like such a good idea after all. How can I explain what I feel inside?

I loved him, but I didn’t want him.

Back at the hospital, I told him to leave. It pained me, but it was for the better. I had known about his art scholarship for a long time. Melvin had told Rayne, Rayne had told me, I waited for him to tell me himself, but he never did. I later learnt that he had rejected it initially for me, and later accepted it again because of me. Long-distance relationships never worked out well anyway. Then again, it was self-delusion.

The police came to ask questions and take down statements. They understood that everything that happened had been in self-defense and since Charlie had not been severely injured, the matter had not been pursued. Three days later, my mother was still in a coma. Rayne and I sat on both sides of her beds on hard, uncomfortable stools, each holding one of her hands. All at once, I felt like I was six again.

“Mummy,” I heard myself say in a small voice. “Mummy, wake up.”

“Mummy, I’ll be good. I’ll ace all my tests,” Rayne was saying, her voice breaking as she sobbed. “Please wake up. I’ll listen to you, I’ll be good…”

“Raylin…” I looked up, thinking for a moment that my mother had come to. Her eyes were still closed, and her breathing regular. It had not been her. I turned robotically and saw my father. Jacelyn and Jerome came into the room after him, looking very guilty. Roxy followed, looking very much unlike the woman I had first met. Her clothing was much more demure, more mature, and more motherly. She placed a hand on Jerome’s shoulder. Well, what do you know, miracles did happen after all.

“What do you want?” My voice sounded weary and completely foreign to my ears. He took a few steps forward until he was standing next to my stool.

“Let me have a chance to be your father again,” he said simply, holding out his arms. I stared at them for what seemed like ages, before looking at Rayne. She met my gaze with watery eyes, but I knew what she was thinking. I should take the chance, and take a risk.

I got up and walked into his arms, “Daddy.”

Roxy smiled at me, in a shockingly sweet manner. I glanced around at the small smiles on everyone’s faces. They looked pleased, and it felt like everything was going to gradually get better. Would it? He patted my back comfortingly. We will just have to do things slowly.

One step at a time.

VIPER

I will always regret the night I walked away. I should have stayed and cajoled her, consoled her. Rayne called me the very next day.

“I can’t believe all you care about is that art scholarship.”

You have no idea.

“You’re leaving my sister just like that?”

It’s too late to make amends; we’ll be so far apart.

“Why am I wasting my time talking to you? My sister deserves better than you anyway.”

You’re right. Completely right.

She hung up on me. My cellphone vibrated immediately to indicate a new message from Belinda. The four girls and Jerome had been constantly trying to call me and text me, each message pleading with me to talk to Raylin and work things out, that we would make up soon, that everything would be fine and that she missed me just as much as I missed her but they had no idea how complicated everything was. Rayne was right. She deserves better than me. Who wanted a boyfriend who would be miles away and who recently told her that he did not want a ‘mercy fuck’? I would rather spend my time wallowing in self-pity.

That day, I received a call from Alcoholics Anonymous – the rehabilitation centre he was in. They told me he would be out soon, and I can arrange to pick him up if I wanted to. Sure, thanks for calling, I told them. Fat hope, I thought. I had no wish to mess with him or care about him for the rest of my life, I swear. But of course, swearing never works and if I had promised, promises were made to be broken.

Three days later, he was released. One year, they had said. But it took him less than a year to get out because he kicked the addiction fast. Why could he not have kicked it earlier? All because he did not want to, that’s why. It was his form of escape, his way of deluding himself and lying to himself that his wife was still alive and he did not have two sons to think of. The doorbell rang.

There he was, the man I hate, standing outside my - our apartment. I gripped the doorframe and was tempted to slam the door shut in his face but I decided against it and stepped back. He hesitated before taking a step in. I shut the door and went into my room, ignoring his presence. He followed me, stopping at the doorway. I moved to my table and picked up the letter from Bruthford School of Arts.

“Bro?” I heard Melvin’s hesitant voice behind me. He slipped past the man standing stoically at my doorway and stood beside me. I glanced at him. He looked gaunt and a lot thinner than I remembered him, but different. Very much different. Should I give him another chance? He looked at the both of us uncertainly and we stared back. Emotion flooded his voice as he choked out, “Sons.”

For a split second, he sounded like my father again. The one I had always kept in my memory and not the rip-roaring drunk one. Clearly, Melvin had easily forgiven him of all his sins as he dashed past me and barreled into that guy, his voice coming out muffled, “Dad!”

“No more alcohol and no more violence,” the man was whispering warmly, stroking my brother’s hair. I stood a foot away, watching. “I promise I’ll be a good father this time. I’m never going to lose you boys again.”

“I got an art scholarship.” I spoke up. He released Melvin and turned his attention to me. “I’m moving to England and I’m taking Melvin with me.” I told him grimly, my fingers tightening around the letter, crumpling the edges. Melvin whipped around to look at me, surprise evident on his face. Our father looked crestfallen.

“I understand,” he said, much to my surprise. He was blinking back tears, I realized. “I understand perfectly. You…”

“I haven’t finished what I was saying,” I cut in. “I want you to come with us… Dad.”

Their faces lit up in a way that I never expected. He held out his arms to me and my brother stepped away. He took a tentative step forward and so did I. Five seconds later, we hugged each other for the first time in years.

“Son,” he said gruffly. “England, huh? I’m proud of you. We’ll build a new home there, and I’ll get a job fast. We’ll start a new life all over again and it will be different. I promise you, it’ll be different. I missed you both badly in that centre, and you, my sons, were my motivation to get out of there, believe it or not. I finally realized what a terrible father I have been and about time too, I believe. We’ll have a good life after this, trust me.”

School started next year, but we were moving there three months earlier to settle down. The next day, I called Raylin. Her phone rang and rang before finally hitting voicemail.

“Raylin,” I found it quite impossible to spit out the words that I had wanted to say – they were stuck at the back of my throat. “I’m just calling to let you know that I’m moving to England and that I’ll be flying off the day after tomorrow. I… I… More importantly, I need to tell you that I’m sorry for everything. For not being a perfect boyfriend, or… or even a good friend. Sorry for not understanding you the way I should and shouting at you the other day. What I said at the end of the song still – ”

Beep.

“… Uh, your voicemail cut me off. What I said at the end of the song still stands, if you remember it. I… I…”

“I’m here.”

“Sorry?”

“No, it’s Raylin.”

“Oh, right. Hey there.” Nervous laughter from me. “You heard everything I said right?”

“Bon Voyage.” She sounded sad. I felt a surge of happiness. She did care about me.

“Thank you. So… So what’s up?” I smacked a hand against my forehead.

“My… My mother woke up last night.”

“That’s great! How is she?”

“The doctor said she’s alright. She isn’t suffering from concussion, amazingly. He says it’s quite a miracle.”

“Indeed. I’m happy for you.”

“So… anything going on in your life?”

“I reconciled with my dad.” Like she cares about that.

“Really? That’s good, so did I.” There was a pause as we both struggled to find something to say. “Look, I’ve to go off for dinner. Thanks for calling, Viper. Have… Have a good life.”

“Thank you again. You… You too. Bye.” I stammered my way through and hit the red end-call button. I stared at the phone. What was that? Some sort of closure, I guess.

Melvin entered my room looking mildly puffy-eyed. He had returned half an hour ago from a short meet-up with Rayne and locked himself in the room since. My father emerged behind him with a wide smile, noticing our solemn moods but not saying anything, “It’s dinner time, boys! Let’s go!”

As we left the house, I found myself thinking about the conversation. Exactly, it had been a closure. Closure indeed.

RAYLIN

In three months’ time, my friends and I will be going to different colleges. The twins are both going to Cazenovia College, a few hours’ drive away from home. Did I mention that Jerome has a boyfriend by the name of Matt? Yes, the exact same one who attempted to seduce Viper months ago. At least they were happy together. Leila was going to Stanford in California, that lucky bitch. Calista off to Yale with her beautiful report card. Belinda would be going with Jake to some random college that had bestowed upon him a scholarship. It certainly would not come as a surprise if they ended up married with five kids.

And moi? Yours truly was going to Oxford, as far away from here as possible, and as far away from my memories of Viper. It would be a fresh start, now that my mother was fully recovered and on friendly terms with my father and Roxy. Rayne is growing up so quickly now, and looking after our mother well. It was all fine and dandy – they didn’t need me to hold the family together anymore.

If fate allows, then we will meet again. So much for my happy ending huh? I should have known. So hate me for not asking you to stay if you must, but I’ll have you know, Viper, I think I’m in love with you too. Thank you for making me happy and being different. Hate me all you want, but I’ll miss your annoying smirk that makes my heart beat twice as fast, the way you look at me that makes my stomach do flip-flops and the way you made me realize that love does exist.

I’ll miss you. Have a good life.

VIPER

Here I am, sitting on a plane so high above ground, watching the clouds go by, listening to music, and sketching away. Sketching… Who? Her. I was sketching her from my memories. I trace a finger down her jaw. She looked achingly real. I let out a soft, bitter laugh. From sketching my mother to sketching her – who do I love more? I hope she finds her happiness because once again, Rayne was right. She deserves so much better than me. She deserves someone who fits with her like a tessellating shape.

I glance over at Melvin, dozing off in the seat next to mine and smiled. My baby brother would be fourteen next year. How quickly time flies. Before long, he would be graduating from high school and I would be free from college. And my father. He came back a different man, and I was not about to complain. I honestly believe him when he says things will never be the same. I am glad I made the right choice and glad that he is back for good.

So hate me, Raylin, for not having the courage and bravado to express how much I need you and how much you mean to me. You have changed my life in more ways than one. You taught me how to love again and you made me happier than I have ever been. It was not just the one week relationship that made me realize to what extent I care for you, but the months of friendship you have given me. I’m not an anti-social Goth kid anymore, Ray. Hate me for all I care, but I still want to thank you for all the memories.

I love you.

XOXOXOX

A/N: The final chapter explains the title, I guess. I'm sorry to say that there was no unexpected twist in the last chapter with them back together. I did mention at the start that there won't be a happy ending... .

Thank you so much to the people who've stuck around to read Hate Me till the end (and who most probably hate me very much right now). I'm pretty sad that it's come to an end - afterall, I did spend a couple of years writing this. It pains me to leave Viper and Raylin broken up because as the author, I DO ROOT FOR THEM TOO! -cough- That's what the sequel is for. (; That's right, I've made the decision to write a sequel and it should be up next June. Uh... Yeah, there'll have to be a six month wait because I'll be continuing a fanfic at the moment and school will start in another week. ):

About the sequel: They won't be the main characters because I think we know enough about their lives in Hate Me, but the story will involve them quite a bit.

Once again, THANK YOU FOR READING HATE ME and THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING! I hope all the silent readers review for once because this is the last chapter and I'd really like a high review count. - Shameless advertiser alert. By the way, if you haven't seen the character pictures before, they're in a link in my profile. (: