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Iris
Author's Note- Kind of a prequel to Kiss Him and Learning Sucks - about Ethan's parents. It's a little different. Also, rated because of this first chapter, which contains sex of the heterosexual kind. It's not graphic but it's more than just "and then we had sex", so be warned. I sent this to like, four people to review/critique before I posted it, and they didn't give me very useful feedback, so if you have anything that can be changed/fixed, let me know. I like this piece a lot and I want it to be better.
Craig and Patrick are always telling each other how much they love each other, always calling each other "Love" and saying "I love you" and playing the "I love you more" game with each other. I want to be like that with Tom, want him to know how much I love him but the words sound so inadequate in my head.
Tom is looking at me, waiting for me to say something. I cup his face in my hands and gently place my mouth on his. 'This is how I love you’, I tell him in my head, and hope he understands. His hands come up to my neck and he kisses me back, parting my lips with his tongue. I let him envelope me with his arms and his kisses and his love because he makes me feel beautiful.
We part for a moment and he presses our foreheads together as he catches his breath. He smiles at me. I rest my hands on his upper arms, loving the feel of his muscles underneath the black dress shirt he's wearing. He's still got his tie on, too, though he's loosened it since he got back from the interview. It's the one that I gave him - red with black stripes. I had felt stupid giving him a tie for a birthday present but it had been Patrick's idea. When I'd given it to Tom, he'd smiled and kissed me and told me he'd wear it often. He’s worn it to every interview or TV spot that he’s been to since then, which makes me smile.
I place my hand on his tie and look up into his eyes. He puts his hand over mine and looks back at me. He moves my hand and loosens his tie a bit more, then pulls it up over his head and off, dropping it on the arm of the couch. His eyes never leave mine as he does this. I put my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating. I can tell that it's getting faster and he's still looking at me. We're both waiting for the next move, and I know it's my turn. I start with the top button of his shirt, using both hands to take the button out of the button hole. I'm going slowly because my hands are shaking and because I'm nervous since we've never done this before. After what seems like hours, but has probably only been seconds, I've undone the last button, and I push his shirt open.
He's beautiful underneath, too. His arms are muscular and strong, his chest broad and smooth and his stomach soft. I rest my hand on his stomach, just above the trail of dark hair that leads down into his black jeans. He blushes a little.
"I should probably work out more," he says, and I know he's concerned that he's not all muscle like Shawn is, or skinny like Liam is. But he's beautiful to me.
"No," I say, "I like you the way you are." And he smiles, covering my mouth with a kiss. It's passionate and slow, and I like the pace that he's setting, slow and gentle. We part again and he brushes my hair away from my face.
"Let's go upstairs," he says in a soft voice. I nod and slide off of his lap. He gets up off the couch, turns off the light and takes my hand. Together we walk up the stairs and down the hall to the second room on the right - Tom's room. He leaves the light off as he reaches for me, wrapping his arms around my body and kissing me deeply. I wrap my arms around him underneath his shirt, feeling his strong, smooth back and his warmth. Gently, he pushes me back and slides his shirt completely off. We meet again in a strong, passionate kiss, and we part to catch our breath. I’m nervous with anticipation but I want to take this slow and savor everything.
Tom has his hands skimming under my shirt and suddenly my stomach is a ball of nerves. I place my hands on the hem of my shirt and pull my t-shirt off. I’m thankful for the dark, thankful that he can’t see my pudgy stomach and the stretch marks on my sides. I’m looking into his eyes when I drop my shirt on the floor. I realize how awkward this situation is, with me standing here in my bra and jeans, him in his dress pants.
“Are you sure about this?” he asks. Here is my chance to say no. After this, there is no going back. I take a deep breath and make my decision.
“Do you have a condom?” I whisper. Tom looks confused at first.
“I don’t have any STDs,” he says.
“I know that. But I don’t want to get pregnant,” I reply.
“Oh, right. Well Patrick might have some. Hang on.” He lets go of me and turns to go out the door.
“You’re not going to ask him are you?” I ask, embarrassed, (even though I don’t think that Patrick is home) but Tom is already out the door and down the hall at this moment. I’m not sure what to do, so I’m standing there awkwardly, waiting for Tom to come back. He comes back with two wrapped condoms.
“He won’t notice them missing,” he tells me, and sets them on the bedside table. Then he’s picking me up and carrying me across the room, laying me gently on the bed. He rests on top of me, his knees on either side, his elbows supporting his upper body as he looks down at me. I reach my hands up and cup his face. He brings himself down, our chests pressed together and kisses me again, more intense than last time as his tongue grazes the roof of my mouth. I skim my hands down his sides and brush the top of his pants. He pulls himself up and looks at me. Then he sits back and unbuttons his pants. Awkwardly, he slides them down, struggling a bit but finally managing to take them off and drop them beside the bed. He’s not even wearing boxers – just a pair of black briefs, showing me the outline of his… and I hadn’t realized it would be so big. It was going to hurt, so I’d heard, but now I’m getting a little nervous.
I sit up and reach behind my back, unhooking my bra. It looks like he’s holding his breath, and my hands are trembling when I finally slide it all the way off. Tom slides closer and puts his hand on the button of my jeans. He keeps his eyes on me as he undoes the button and then the zipper. I lift my hips up and he slides the pants off my legs. My face is burning, but he’s looking at me with desire and I can’t help but feel beautiful in his eyes. Then he’s touching me everywhere and my body is warm and I flush as his hands roam.
“You’re sure about this?” he asks me again. I take a deep breath, looking into his eyes, and then I nod. Then he’s slipping his underwear off and I’m afraid to look but I can’t help it. He’s the first man I’ve seen naked before and I’m looking. My eyes follow the trail of hair down from his stomach and there it is. What do I call it, his cock? Penis sounds too scientific, and dick is what I call Patrick when he’s being pissing me off. It’s his cock, and it’s hard. I’m wondering how much this is going to hurt and I realize that I still have my underwear on. Nervously, with hands trembling, I pull them down and off my body. I wonder if he’s ever seen a woman naked before, and if I measure up to the others. I know I’m not pretty but he doesn’t seem to be complaining.
“I’ve never done this before,” he tells me in a half-whisper.
“Neither have I,” I reply. Tom smiles a bit, looking as nervous as I am. He reaches over to the counter and takes one of the condom packages and opens it up. I remember learning in Health how to put them on, but that demonstration had been done with a cucumber, and watching Tom is completely different. When he gets it on, he looks at me. I’m so nervous that I’m sure he can hear my heart beating. I lie back on the bed and he positions himself over me.
“Are you ready?” he asks. As ready as I’m ever going to be, I think, and I nod. He puts his hand on his cock and places it at my entrance. Then, slowly, he slides the tip in. At first it feels kind of weird and awkward, but when he slides it in further it starts hurting and I can’t help scrunching my face up, resisting the urge to shout.
“Am I hurting you?” he asks, looking concerned.
“It’s supposed to hurt the first time,” I explain, wanting to get it over with. I want to get to the part where it doesn’t hurt anymore. Tom looks at me again, and then continues sliding in. When he’s in all the way he stays there for a minute and leans down to kiss me. I kiss him back and place my arms on his shoulders. He has his arms on either side of my head to support his weight, like he’s afraid he’ll crush me or something. He slides out and then back in. It stops hurting as much and starts feeling good as he continues. He keeps asking me if it’s okay, and then kissing me when I nod and tell him to continue. Then he starts going faster and I know he’s getting close and so am I. He thrusts and pushes and he reaches the edge right after I do. He pulls out and takes the condom off, tossing it in the trash. Then he collapses beside me. I snuggle into him, resting my head in the crook of his neck.
“I love you, Tom,” I whisper, so softly that I’m not even sure he hears me. A moment passes, and then another, and his hand is under my chin, lifting my face up so I’m looking at him. He kisses me once on the lips and then smiles.
“I love you, too, Cassie,” he replies. Slowly we fall asleep together.
