The Epic Limerick of

Fernando the Deranged Clown

There once was a man named Fernando

Who decided he’d go commando

He leapt into a tree

And screamed, “Look at me!”

But no one obeyed his demando.

Fernando worked at Taco Bell.

Tacos all day did he sell.

But when his boss saw his antic

He became quite frantic

And him this dreadful tale did he tell.

“Fernando, we must let you go

For putting-eth on that strange show.

Your job’s been emmired,

Fernando, you’re fired.

Just how could you sink so dang low?”

So Fernando stormed off in his jeep

With his pants on the floor in a heap.

And then through his frown

He said, “I’ll be a clown.

Then I’ll be paid as a freak.”

So he found him an old circus tent

And met an old man named Trent

He had hair that was white

And a huge overbite

And his great Auntie Marge was from Kent.

“Okay,” Trent said with a grin.

“I’ll give you a job, you’re in.”

With a laugh and a leap

Ferdy fell in a heap

And said, “Let the freak show begin!”

So he got himself face paint and clothes.

On his lapel was a rose.

He screamed “Ahh, it burns!”

And replaced it with ferns

And put on a big rubber nose.

Fernando was not a good clown.

He made other people frown.

He’d cut off their cats’ head

And then it’d be dead,

Making them all feel quite down.

He began to give people a fright

When he used all his spells in the night.

He made a black deal

And called on his dark seal

Who’d suck people’s arms (but not bite).

“That clown is deranged,” they’d all say

“He cannot be human, no way!

His name is Fernando

And he goes commando

You’d better get out, do not stay!

“We have to do something, and fast!

We don’t know how long this can last!

We must do what is best

And get rid of this mess—”

Ferdy just stood there, aghast.

“Why would you do that to me?

I just want to be loved you see!

They saw in his eyes

A shocking surprise:

A notable absence of glee.

“Stop right there,” roared the evil man Trent.

“Your time on this Earth is now spent!”

But then Earl (the seal)

Jumped up with a squeal

And in half the old man was rent.

And then a long mental chain

Was shaken of Fernando’s brain

“All, that’s better,” he sighed

“I was feeling quite fried

It was like my mind had been slain!”

So Ferdy got himself a new job.

He now sold corn on the cob.

On it, people were keen

And each time some was seen

He was surrounded by mobs!

This is the end of the tale

In my coffin, this poem’s a nail.

My leg and and arm

Went into this yarn

Mr. Kosbob, please don’t let me fail!