The car windows were getting steamed up, which was something Victoria thought only happened in the Titanic, and the leather seat underneath her half-naked body was sticking to her back. She was being slightly crushed by Jez on top of her, not a wholly unpleasant feeling, certainly, but not the most wonderful one when she was this hot.

“Was there,” she gasped breathlessly, between long, scorching kisses, “any reason - that you felt the need - to put the…hood up before we…did this?”

“Just to piss you off,” he muttered into her neck, snapping her bra strap before ripping it clean off of her. Another perfectly good piece of lingerie ruined…

“Well, you’re…certainly doing a…good job of it. Condom, Jez!” He’d yanked off his jeans, and was now only in his boxers.

“Fuck,” he growled. “I forgot the condoms!”

“Well then look in the glove compartment. I…expect Titus has got some…”

“Not that he needs any,” Jez smirked.

“Jez! Just get the bleeding condoms,” Victoria moaned, clearly very frustrated. She didn’t resort to the British curse words unless she was – it was a habit inherited from her parents, and therefore slightly shunned.

“Yeah, all right, Vic. Keep your pants on.”

“That’s not funny.” Jez somehow vaulted over into the front seat, despite his size, and yanked the glove compartment open. Victoria propped herself up on her elbows, listening to him rifle through its contents.

“Score!” he yelled after a few moments.

“Who the hell says ‘score?’”

“Shut up, Victoria.”

“You shut – “

“Fuck!”

“What?”

“They’re the wrong size!”

Victoria blinked at him, uncomprehendingly.

“What do you mean, ‘the wrong size?” He threw the box at her. She caught it and scanned the front. ‘Lubricated condoms, pack of ten.’ “Um…Jez, there’s no size on the box.” Jez rolled his eyes.

“Which means that they’re normal size.”

“So?”

“So…they won’t fit. You know we have to get the…big ones.”

“Oh for God’s sake! Can’t you just deal with it?”

“No! That’s like me asking you to wear a bra two sizes too small. I bet you wouldn’t like that.”

“Shut up.” Jez smirked at her over the seat.

“See Vic? You can’t deny it.” Victoria raised her eyebrows.

“I don’t know what you’re so happy about. You don’t get to have sex either.” The smile dropped from Jez’s face.

“True…how ‘bout we do it anyway and…we…” he trailed off.

“And we wind up with a kid. Not on your life,” Victoria said, in her bossiest, most irritatingly patronizing voice. The one that always turned him on for some reason. He slipped back into the backseat and resumed his position over her.

“There are other ways of relieving sexual tension, y’know,” he muttered hoarsely as her began to kiss her again.