I clung onto him, I never wanted to let him go. I could feel his warm breath beating down on the nape of my neck as he pulled my body closer to his. I ran my hands down his back, and returned to the back of his head. The sharpness of his crew cut hair scratched at my palms, but I paid no attention.

I didn't want to forget how he felt against me.

"My God." I muttered, gently pressing my face into his chest as his hold tightened. "Why are you doing this?"

I felt him move one of his arms away from my body, but used that one to tilt my face up towards his. "Don't worry." He replied gently, his face mere centimeters away from mine. "I'll be fine."

At that, I let out a barrage of choked tears. I knew it wasn't going to be fine. War was not something one could promise getting out of fine. It was the exact opposite. I knew it changed people, too many relatives I have known have been affected. I was not naïve enough to ignore the consequences of war.

"You don't know that." I remarked, attempting to pull away. But the more I tried to free myself from his grasp, the weaker I felt. He had become the anchor of my support system, without him, I was nothing.

I knew he could feel me falter. He placed his other arm around me again and pushed me back so I was pressed against the wall. My eyes slid shut as his hands began running down my arms. He breathed out my name so softly, I almost melted right there on the spot. "Jack." I whispered.

He shook his head silently, indicating for me to stop talking. "Don't think about it. I’m taking one day at a time. I promise, I'll be back in a year for my leave."

Despite the growing conflicts within, I nodded at him. Jack smiled gently at me, before our lips touched. I had grown so accustomed to his feel, I instantly molded into his body. But this time, everything felt so different. For the first time, I could taste sorrow and remorse. I tasted my tears mixed in as we moved in sync. His hands came down to rest on my hips, mine around his neck. He pulled back, out of breath, but still to the point where our lips could touch.

I looked up at him, and I nearly broke down. He had the clearest blue eyes I had ever seen. They were what pulled me to him in the first place. "I love you." I heard him whisper, before he pulled me up for one last lingering kiss.

That was the last time I ever heard from him. It had been exactly one year and thirteen days. Not a single letter, phone call, or visit in 378 days. My friends all told me he probably wanted to surprise me. My professors claimed that he was probably too busy to make any sort of contact.

I wanted to believe them, I really did. But I knew I couldn't. I was not oblivious when it came down to the growing catastrophe in Iraq. I knew people were dying on both sides, I could not deny it. It was always all over the news. The signs were hard to ignore.

My sophomore year of college was done. His twenty-first birthday had come and gone two days ago. What else was left for me to think?

I sat with my parents that night on the couch, watching Cars with my younger brother, David. Halfway through the movie, the doorbell rang, its harsh sound cutting through our living room. None of us moved, no one wanted to move. I glanced up at the clock, it was barely nine at night.

My parents glanced at me, beckoning me to answer the door. They knew how much I wished it was him standing there. They knew how much I missed him with all my heart. They just didn't realize how much it pained me during his absence.

Slowly, I made my way over to the door. I opened it, and my heart quickly dropped. Jack was not standing there. An older man stood where Jack should have been to embrace me.

I saw him reach out to me. I stepped back, uncertain of what he was doing. But my eyes caught a glimpse of white and that was all it took. I almost dreaded reaching out to touch it, scared that it was in fact, reality.

"I'm sorry" was all the old man said before he tilted his hat and walked away. The screen door slammed shut, echoing through the empty night. I cast one last look at the envelope in my hand, before I let it fall to the ground.

I walked out the door, ignoring my parents' calls. No one had to tell me, I already knew what it said. I couldn't run away from the truth anymore.

My brother Jack was dead.