Senior year. I can’t believe that it’s taken this long. My long black skirt covered in black lace roses barely touched the floor and covered my favorite two-inch platform boots with the skull zipper. All the other people laughed at my outfit as I walked down the main hallway. That was nothing compared to what would happen during lunch, the infamous ‘runway’ was there. That was the place where the preps showed off their newest outfits and the losers were laughed at. Yes, I have a lovely school don’t I? I walked to my locker in the very corner of the main hall. Mine was strategically placed next to the most popular beyotch in our school.

She wasn’t head of the cheerleading squad though, no, even that was too lowly for her. Teresa Walls was tennis captain, class president, and had the highest female GPA in our school. However, she was an idiot.

Don’t get me wrong, she must have been pretty smart to have a high GPA, right? She used underhanded ways to get that though. In her posse, there is the geekiest kid in school, some other senior named Nessie Holly. She has the second highest GPA. She’s allowed to hang out with the popular girls if she does all of Teresa’s work. It had been like that since Teresa took over our sophomore year.

I was putting my books in my locker when it showed up. Her perfect mahogany hair, tennis uniform, and towel, the great Teresa Halls. God, I hate her. Next to her, I looked like some eleven-year-old girl with a long skirt and black hair. My mother said that one day I‘d see my youthful looks as a blessing. Whatever, can you believe that someone once asked me if I had just started fourth grade!? It’s true and he wasn’t kidding! It was last year and he was in my English class, we were in class when he asked. He went, “Are you in fourth grade? I think you’re lost. The elementary school is next door.” I’d bet he was pretty surprised when I told him to shut the heck up and that I was a junior. Stupid idiots.

“Uh hello? Um, Val? I asked if you had a good summer…are you still with us?” I turned to see Teresa trying to be friendly. Ugh, I forced a small smile on and looked at her.

“Yeah, it was good. It’s only the third week of school and you’re already practicing, I thought they didn’t start all that until the second month? Wow, uh, how was your summer?” Why in the heck was I trying to make conversation with her? I must be really desperate to talk…speaking of talking, where was Mikey? He hasn’t come to see me yet. I looked at Teresa and tuned out her speech about the importance of practicing to be good at something.

She caught my attention again when she squealed as her boyfriend Robert James covered her eyes and kissed her ear. Ughness much? I closed my locker and walked away, ignoring Robert and his exclamation, “You’re next to the loser goth girl? My poor baby doll.” Sometimes people remind me why I hate them.

I walked to the school’s plaza and sat in the only shaded corner. This is where all the punks, emos, and goths hung out. No one else dared to cross the shadowed line. If you looked into the retrospect, you could say that these guys were my friends. I mean, I talked and laughed with them. I sometimes even cut school or went to the mall with them. But the only one I considered my friend was Mikey.

We were the only two goths and the kind of leaders of this sorry combination of what others called losers. We were also two of the three seniors this year. The other one was Lydia James. That’s right, Roberts twin sister. She was part of the punk side. She had the whole tie and skateboard thing down. She was a total rocker and pretty wild, especially at our parties. She was the one that usually caused the cops to show up. They stopped coming last year. I mean, we always partied at the abandoned barn that no one wanted at the end of our little county. The only things around were cows and an old farming couple that lived a few miles away. I don’t even know why the cops bothered; even they knew that we weren’t messing with anyone.

I was sitting on top of one of our benches talking to some freshman emo that was thinking about going gothic. I knew that the others would get mad if they heard us, you don’t go from one to the other. But this girl had a good case; she didn’t feel empty and sad like a cut wrist. She said that she was just wasn’t feeling, she didn’t cry and she liked metal. In my books that made her goth…and don’t get all freaked out at me. I was just stating an opinion.

I felt arms wrap around me from behind and suddenly I was thrown over someone’s shoulder and carried away. I couldn’t tell who was carrying me but they must’ve been ok. The others weren’t chasing after me, they were waving. Wait a minute, they were waving?! Who waves when one of their own was being carried off? I wouldn’t have. I looked around me and saw that I was being carried around to the back of the building.

Oh God, this person was going to rape me. Who was it carrying me? I don’t want to be raped! I’m not even a virgin! Okay so, I never told anyone about my vacation before my junior year. I met this really cool guy in Hawaii. He was really hot too, he thought I was cute. We went to a club and got wasted, we had fake IDs of course and I woke up the next morning in his room naked with him. Luckily, my parents had one of those overnight meetings in Honolulu. Not even Mikey knows about it. Why am I even thinking this!? I need to get away from this guy! I refuse to allow raping to go on while I’m present! I felt myself being put down then a cloth covered my eyes and I was turned.

Oh my God! They really were going to rape me. My back was being placed against the brick wall and I felt a rough hand pick up my hand and put a box in it. Why was my potential rapist giving me a gift!? Is that what they do before a raping? I mean, I’ve never been raped before, so how should I no what goes on? The mysterious person took off the cloth and I could finally see. It was…Mikey?

I looked down and saw the small black box still in my hand. I placed it on the ground and looked at Mikey as I rose. I’d bet that he didn’t expect me to punch him in the stomach from the way he gasped for air and stumbled back. “What the fud-” he didn’t get to finish as I punched him in the shoulder, hard.

“I thought someone was going to rape me! Why in the heck would you drag me out here just to give me a box!? I was really scared!” I screamed at him as he regained his composure. He looked at me for a minute after I was done the walked me into the wall. He placed his hands on either side of my head and got his face close to mine, “So do you want to? I’m willing you sexy monster.” He pursed his lips in a wannabe sexy way and came closer to my face.

“Like you could handle me Mikey.” Was my only response before I pushed him off. We always joked about what is commonly known as ‘it’. It was funny too. I glanced at him as he moved away then suddenly pulled him to me and then pushed him into the wall. I put on my sex kitten look and stared into his eyes. His black and blonde hair fell over one green eye as they widened. I don’t believe that I’ve ever taken the initiative in our bantering before.

“Could you handle me Mikey? I think you could be the next great cat tamer…let’s practice.” I made a small meow and put up one hand to look like claws. I grinned at him before my smile dropped as his hands went into my hair and became tangled. Something’s not right, we’ve never taken it as far as the first teasing. We always end up laughing then just back off and go about our friendly ways. I looked at him more seriously as his head descended. Being a good foot taller then me it was a long way down, but he seemed to not take that long before his lips brushed mine lightly.

I felt myself do one of those shivery jumps that you do when something scares you and pleases you at the same time. The kind that you read in those Harlequin romance books, on the part where the guy kisses the girl unexpectedly. Ok I admit it, I read those ‘dime store novels’. They always seem to have a happy ending, unlike the lives I know. The love always wins in the end in those. My thoughts trailed away as he kissed me again, only with more substance this time.

What’s happening? This is my best friend, the one I’ve known since kinder garden. The one that gave me chocolate ice cream when I broke up with my first boyfriend, the one that played me a song on his keyboard when my dad left, he’s made it sound like heavy electric guitars. He’d sung along to a song he’d written about me. It was really good and he sang it well. The song echoed through my mind as I began to kiss him back.

You always said

I could never give up

And I believed you

I believed you

And you never said

The same to your self

So I’ll say it now

Loud and proud

Never give up

Never ever, give in

The pain might be hard

But it’s not the end

It’s just another crazy phase

Remember I’ll be with you

Always

‘Cause I’m your best friend

you can depend

on me

and I on you

Always

Yeah Always

I felt the song fade away as he lifted his lips from mine. I opened his eyes to see him looking at me with wide eyes. Then he said the words that killed me,

“I didn’t mean to do that.” I felt a pain shoot through my chest. He’s just made me fall in love with him and he goes off and says that. I had the fireworks. Like the ones I’d read about in my romance books, the ones that supposedly only come once a lifetime. I glared at him and pushed away. Why the heck couldn’t he mean that kiss?! It’s not as if I’m freaking repulsive, at least I don’t think I am. That was the greatest kiss of my life and he says ‘I didn’t mean it.’. The jerk.

I looked at him one last time and feigned a shrug, “Whatever. Me either.” I hope the lie came across ok. I’ve been told that I’m not a good liar but my mom and step-dad never caught on. I walked away from him and all the way back to our little corner. The others were still there and as I was drowned in questions of “What happened? I thought you guys were just friends, did that change?” and the infamous, “So are you guys a couple yet?” I ignored them all and sat on the bench that he had carried me off of. I looked at the others and looked for Lydia. She was the closest to what I would call a friend out of the bunch. I walked to her and looked at her highlighter yellow converse, “Can I talk to you?” and walked away when she nodded and told her boyfriend, Lenny, that she’d talk to him later. She followed me to the other side of the plaza, near the popular people. They immediately scattered when we infiltrated their space, just what I’d hoped for.

I guess that Lydia knew I wanted to talk serious since she sat down on the black bench and motioned for me to sit next to her. I knew that whatever I said would be kept between us and told her everything,

“It was Mikey that took me. I’d thought it was some guy that was ok since everyone was waving with grins and then he took me to the back of the building. I thought he was going to rape me, I didn’t know that it was Mikey at the time. Then he set me down and put a cloth over my eyes, which was really scratchy by the way, and then I was sure I was going to get raped. Then he put a box in my hand and took off the blindfold. It was a nice looking box, all black and glittery; I set it on the ground and punched him in the stomach. I was screaming at him that he’d scared me when he walked me into the wall and boxed me in and asked if I wanted to and that he was willing. I wasn’t worried though, I thought it was one of our little games. Then I pushed him off and I pushed him against the wall and I played along. Then all the sudden there were fireworks. The real ones. I saw them in my head and his song he wrote for me played in my head.” I finished on a gasp for air and felt tears sting my eyes. I hadn’t cried in a long time so it sort of stung. I watched Lydia process the information then look at me in a dead stare,

“What was in the box? And what kind of fireworks are we talking about? Oh, and what song?” Lydia waited for me to answer as I stared at her dumbly, why was she asking questions? I was expecting sympathy, not questions.

“Um…I never got to see what was in the box, the kind of fireworks that you get when you meet the one and only, and the song he wrote for me when my dad left me and my mom when I was ten. I mean, the kiss was life-shaking and he ruins it by saying ‘I didn’t mean it.’” I answered her questions and waited for my well-earned sympathy.

“Why the hell didn’t you open the box? I’d want to know.” She said finally, I think maybe her skateboard hit her head. I glared at her and let out an exasperated sigh

“I was busy getting kissed! I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you what was in the box! But can we focus on the real problem!? I was kissed out of my mind, saw the fireworks and then practically ripped apart when he said that he didn’t mean it! That is my problem, not some stupid box!” I almost screamed at her but said it in a harsh whisper when I realized that there were still people around that could hear if I screamed. Her eyes widened as she finally got what I was talking about then pulled me into a hug.

“You poor girl! How could he act like that! I mean, we all knew that you loved him and he just goes around playing with your feelings! That jerk.”

I jerked away from her to glare, “I was never in love with him! I just now realized that I like him that way, I’ve always seen him as a friend. That’s all.” I looked away from her and scanned the plaza and watched our schoolmates play popular. I saw Mikey walk from the back of the building, staring at the black box I’d left when I walked away. I felt the tears sting again and choked them down, I reminded myself that crying does nothing but make you tired. Lydia snapped her fingers in my face and I turned to look at her, she just grinned.

“How about we get back at him? After school is that party thing the school is doing for our football team. Like they’re gonna win, anyways, let’s cut school and go to the mall. We can buy clothes and make-up and all that good stuff. The party is required and I’ll tell the others to go for once.”

As if making the decision herself, she stood up and walked away. I watched as she walked over to the others and made an announcement then had to smile as she pointedly ignored Mikey, who was still by himself, when he called her name. I even watched him call to her again and begin to follow her. He saw me watching and looked away. He looked at us as Lydia pulled me by my arm and drug me out of the plaza. I glanced back to see him with his head hung. I guess that he wanted to tell her that he liked her, at least he did last year.

That year she had met Larry and fell in love, he was a junior punk with dark blonde hair. I remembered that he was trying to graduate early to go to the same college as Lydia. I also remembered thinking that it was romantic and I might have snuck a glance at Mikey, but I had carefully remembered to not remember that.

We walked out to her car and drove all the way to the mall. Fall Out Boy blasted to the speakers and I think I even sang along at one point. Not that I have a problem with them, I just listen to more Bullet For My Valentine than Fall Out Boy.

We lucked out and found a spot close to the doors, not so surprising since it was school time. We ran into the mall, ok she ran and I was drug along, and walked straight into Hot Topic. After looking forever we found at least three outfits that I would allow myself to wear. I just had to say no to the small maid outfit and the mini skirt with Green Day labeled on the side.

Lydia shoved me into the only dressing room with the outfits and sat on the floor, waiting for me to model. I pulled the first skirt and blouse off their hangers and put them on. I walked out to show off the long velvet skirt with bunched up sides and the black turtleneck with a spider web on the right side. The outfit looked good but Lydia shook her head.

“Too blah” was all she said.

I walked back in and, after putting up the first outfit I changed into the second one. I walked out in a short blood red skirt with a black shirt with Bullet For My Valentine in dripping, blood red letters. She shook her head again and said, “Too concert.” I grimaced and trudged back inside to try on the final outfit. After this I was giving up and going to a JCPenny’s. I walked out and watched as Lydia’s eyes widened.

“We are so buying that.” I looked down at the forest green shirt with a black camisole over it, with forest green strings of course, and the sleeves were almost see through and at the end a loop was made to put your middle finger through. The skirt forest green with the middle cut open a little to reveal black lace and forest green strings criss-crossing over the lace. I changed back into my old clothes and with the outfit we got a black choker made to look like a dog collar and a dark green hair clip. I chose to wear my ankle platforms that I had on. We paid for it all and practically ran out the door to the car, both of us running this time.

We drove back to my house, since Lydia’s mom was a housewife, and went up to my room. She took over control once we reached my door. I was ordered to go take a shower then to report back to my room immediately. I did as she told and found her perusing through my make-up. She threw my new clothes at me and pointed to the bathroom again,

“Hurry up! It’s already one. The mall took a long time Only two hours until school’s over, and you know that we need to be back ten minutes before to be able to go to that party and wow Mikey. Let’s move it!” I rushed out the door and changed quickly, I knew not to mess with Lydia when she was in this mood. She meant business this time!

I took careful care to change into the dress, tying the laces with almost reverent care. This was the outfit that I would wear when I told Mikey that I’d decided to like him, that I’d loved our only kiss, and that I saw the fireworks. This outfit was important to me. I walked back to my room and laughed as Lydia just pointed to the chair in front of the vanity that had belonged to my grandmother. I sat down and my image in the mirror disappeared behind Lydia as she stepped in front of me.

For what seemed like forever, I was poked, plucked, and painted until my face hurt. When Lydia let out a satisfied sigh and stepped back I was amazed at the picture reflecting in the old mirror. I didn’t look like a little kid. I had a little color on my cheeks, not enough to get away from my basic paleness but enough to at least let people know that I was alive. My eyes had a thick layer of black eyeliner ending with a small line of dark green liner. There was even eye shadow, a mixture of gray and a small amount of green to make my eyes look smokey and almost sexy. The green brought out the green of my hazel eyes and even helped draw attention to my now full lips, they were coated with a light pinkish gloss to look full and noticeable. I looked like a queen, and I was overjoyed! I declared Lydia a genius of making my youth work for me. She looked at my alarm clock and gasped,

“We only have thirty minutes to get to school! That didn’t seem like that long! Come on, we have to go.” She ran out of the door as I was slipping on my shoes and I had no choice but to chase after her, I could hear the car starting already. We raced back to school and made it with fifteen minutes to spare. I did one last check on my make-up before following Lydia into the school. We went to our corner and I almost collapsed laughing when I saw our group just sitting there, I don’t think they had even tried moving. Mikey wasn’t here though, one of the freshman girls said that he was muttering to himself and went to class frowning.

I was stormed by catcalls and offers for dates, I guess I looked pretty good then! School ended on time and the announcement was made for all the students to report to the large gym for a party for our football team. I asked a random freshman to text Mikey and tell him to be there, but to not say anything about me being there. Lydia shrieked suddenly and ran behind me. I felt her put my hair up in the clip and fasten the necklace to my neck, “Perfect!” she said and stood back. I looked at her nervously before turning to my posse.

“Time to go face our friendly classmates.” I said and walked out of our corner. Lydia walked slightly behind me with Larry at her side and the others around and behind them. I knew that these guys were now my friends, they weren’t just people I hung out with. I could count on them to back me up, like they were now.

“He said that he’s coming! And I didn’t tell him that you were there.” The freshman called back and I nodded at him. I led the group to the gym and the preps parted for us, this was a big event. The first time the emos, punks, and goths ever bothered to show up to anything school related, of course that would be a big event. Even the teachers were surprised. They let us enter without a word and watched as we walked to the bleachers on the other side of the room. I turned to the group since they seemed to be waiting for me to say something.

“This is the first time that people like us have come to a school party. I see this as history in the making. I know that we have hidden in that corner since I was a freshman. Today is a change. This is a change. Today we are going to show these preps how to party! So, uh, go at it.” I finished my eloquent speech and sat down as I watched the others dance and basically, party. Some of them were even brave enough to ask the preps or normal people to dance. I could tell that there would be a change after this year. Lydia gave me a thumbs up and motioned towards the doorway.

There stood Mikey, he wore the same outfit from when he had kissed me earlier that day. Baggy black pants with chains and an Enslavement Of Beauty concert shirt. He stood there with wide eyes as he watched our people socialize. Someone called his name and he looked towards the left, then his eyes wandered to me. Like the person had pointed me out, which they probably did. His eyes widened even more and he took a step forward. He suddenly stuck a hand in his pocket and turned around and left.

Wait a minute, he left!? Who said he could leave!? He was supposed to fall madly in love with me. I felt myself sit down dazedly. Why did he leave? Did this mean that he couldn’t stand the sight of me once he’d kissed me? I know that I don’t have Barbie doll beauty but that doesn’t me he can just walk off.

A hand touched my shoulder and through my blurry eyes I saw Lydia and a few other girls from my posse. They tried to comfort me with things like “He wasn’t good enough” “He’s just a loser for not falling in love with you on sight.” “What a jerk, you look beautiful Val.” Inside I rolled my eyes, obviously I didn’t look beautiful enough. He’s not a jerk, he just doesn’t like me. He was more than good enough, sure, I’d only liked him for one official day but I’d known him my whole life. He was my best friend, he was my one and only...I just wasn’t the same to him. Story of my life right? Somehow, at the back of my mind, I’d always figured that this would happen.

I was so caught up in not crying that I didn’t notice Mikey walk back in and I didn’t notice him walk behind the girls. I was trying to hard to not cry to see the girls part and for him to step in front of me. I felt something being placed on my skirt that I’d spent my precious extra money on, for him. I looked at it for a moment before realizing that it was the black box from this morning. Oh God, it’s only been a day and I’ve had enough drama for a week!

I stared at the box some more before I forced my hands to open it. There was a necklace inside, a silver heart attached to a long silver chain. On one side it had an engraved rose and sunflower entwined, my two favorite flowers, and on the other side it had an engraved word. I pulled the necklace closer so that I could see the word. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I read it again, Always, was all that it said. I looked up and into Mikey’s eyes. I jumped a little at the closeness of his face, but I couldn’t tear my gaze away.

I was finally able to look back down at the necklace then looked back a Mikey. I think that he saw the questions I wanted to ask because he turned to the girls watching and asked them to leave. All but Lydia left immediately,

“Hurt her and I kill you. You have been warned.” She said and left. I felt myself smile, I don’t believe that I’ve felt this weak since I was ten. I remembered the song and felt my smile fall. Mikey turned back to me and then pointed up. I turned to see him pointing to the corner at the top of the bleachers. I stood up and followed him up the stairs. He offered me his hand after each step, which I ignored. I almost tripped over my long skirt once but his arm caught me and set me straight. I smiled at him lightly, still refusing to say anything. We finally made it up to the top and he sat with his back against the wall. I sat next to him and watched our posse party with the rest of the school.

“Did you do that? Make them come here?” He asked me and I almost felt him smile when I nodded. “You’d be the one to do it. Ever since we were little, people would listen to you, they would’ve followed you to the end of the earth, I bet.” He said awkwardly and motioned to the people below. I nodded again and looked at the necklace and box that I was still carrying.

I glanced at Mikey again before handing both back to him. At first he looked really sad then he looked away, “I bought this for you the last week of summer. I knew that this would be our last year together and I wanted to tell you that I fell in love with you somewhere during our friendship. I can tell you the date actually, it was the day that I took you to my house and sang you my song when we were ten. You were crying ‘cause your father had left and I hated to see you sad. I had this urge to write and so I started writing and it turned into a poem, then a song. I looked at it and I knew that it would make you smile.” He tried to look at my face but I turned so that he couldn’t.

My heart was beating faster than I ever remember it being able to and I think my hands started getting clammy. He had just said that he loved me. Wait, he loved me! Holy shiznet! He loved me since we were ten! I motioned for him to go on with his story. I was surprised when he actually did, “So I invited you over and sang it for you. And I was practically bursting with emotion when you said that you loved it and even kissed my cheek. I began writing more and more songs. I have an entire binder filled with songs at home. I never told you though, and every one is more or less about you. I think that I’m going to start singing them publicly, so everyone can know that I love you. I, uh, bought the necklace with the only money I have and had it engraved with your favorite flowers and the name of my first song. I hoped that you would remember it. Then I kidnapped you from the others and I wanted to surprise you so I blindfolded you and then you beat me up when I took it off,”

He laughed and I felt a smile form from the sound of his laughter, “You hit hard too. Then we started playing around and then you actually started the teasing for once. You were just so cute and the next thing I know, I’m kissing you and all my sense went flying. All I felt was that feeling I get whenever I see you or whenever I think of you. It was overwhelming. Then I pulled away and my mind came back with a boom. And I heard myself saying that I didn’t mean it and you pulled away and glared at me. I knew I had just screwed up whatever chance I had.” He moved closer to me and grabbed one of my hands and held it tightly,

“I meant that I hadn’t meant to do that yet. I’d wanted to give you the necklace and say that I love you before I kissed you.” I looked at him once then went back to staring at the necklace. I heard him take a breath to continue, “Then you said that you hadn’t either and I felt like I was being ripped in two. You walked off and I sat there, thinking about how badly I’d screwed everything up. I actually went to class and got a detention from each teacher for not paying attention. I just sat there and stared at your gift. They said that it was better if I just skipped.” He laughed again and finally forced my face up to look at him, “Now that you know how I feel, the whole story from start to finish. Um, do you feel the same? If you don’t you can keep the necklace. I just, uh, I don’t want to sound more corny than I already do but, um…your…uh…I love you.” He looked at me nervously then glanced at the necklace.

I handed the necklace back to him again and watched his face fall and he looked down at the floor. I turned my back to him and pushed his knee with my hand. I watched from the corner of my eye as he looked up and then I felt the necklace being put around my neck and fastened in the back. The silver heart looked good against the dress I’d paid for with all the money I had. I turned to face him and grinned, “I paid for this dress with all the money I had. I was going to tell you that I’d loved you since I was ten in this and that you made me realize it when you made the fireworks go off. The fireworks were the real thing.” I said and kissed him lightly on the lips. I sat back to see him smiling like crazy. I was suddenly pulled into his lap and kissed senselessly. The fireworks showed again, the greatest show I’ve ever seen.

“I think I just saw your fireworks.” He said when we broke apart. I smiled and cheering could be heard from below. We turned to see our group, our friends, screaming like crazy and jumping up and down while clapping. Mikey and I began laughing and I stood up off his lap.

“I got the guy!” I screamed to them and laughed harder when the girls screamed louder. I watched Mikey stand up too and take my hand.

“Oh yeah? I got the girl!” He yelled down and grinned as the guys started cheering. He kissed me again and I kissed him back.

“Always.” I said to him and we walked down the bleacher steps together to join the party.

END

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