I know, it’s been ages. Forgive me?

Chapter Thirteen: Protection

Sex is God’s joke on human beings.
- Bette Davis

Thierry let the phone ring almost a dozen times before he deigned to actually answer it. Ever since he had seen Lexie at the charity ball, he had been consumed with guilt for what it was he had to do. Guilt was an unfamiliar emotion to him – it had an unpleasant, bitter taste to it. It was making him depressed and angry; the former at himself, the latter at his boss. Which was why he took so long to pick up the phone – it was his own, petty way of getting revenge, since other methods were blocked to him.

“Yes?” he asked sullenly.

“You do not sound very pleased to hear from me, Moreau,” said the smooth, familiar voice; the tone was lightly chiding, but there was a hint of amusement in it, too. Thierry’s grip on his mobile phone tightened in annoyance, but he forced himself to relax his grasp; he didn’t want to break his phone. “If I were less magnanimous, I might be tempted to punish you for daring to use such a tone with me.”

He gritted his teeth. “F-forgive me,” he made himself say. It was more of an effort than usual to choke the words out. If he didn’t owe his boss so much… “I didn’t realise it would be you.”

“Hmmm. Is that so?” The voice sounded unconvinced. “Is everything proceeding as planned?”

“Oui. Everything is in place for six on Sunday. Nothing will go wrong.”

“It had better not.” His boss hung up in the usual abrupt manner. Thierry put down the receiver and sighed. He rested his forehead against the wall, the plaster blissfully cool against his skin. He remained that way for a long time, calming himself down sufficiently before stepping away. He turned towards the centre of the room, at the naked female body sprawled indecently on the bed and the head on the floor beside it. The blank eyes seemed to regard him accusingly.

“What are you looking at?” he snapped at it, and stormed from the room.

“Two hundred and twenty… Two hundred and forty… Two hundred and fifty. It’s all there.” Thea placed the last note on the kitchen table in front of Alejandro and fixed him with a formidable glare. “I can’t believe you’re making me pay to repair the bump to your car. It’s not like you can’t afford to pay for it yourself.”

He frowned at her and gathered the money, smoothing the crisp notes with his long, tanned fingers before placing them in his expensive leather wallet. “It is not as though you do not have the money either,” he pointed out superciliously. “And it is only fair that you take responsibility for your actions,” he added, in the tone my parents liked to use when I’d done something they disapproved of. Amused, I watched the show from a couple of metres away, resting my hip against one of the counters.

“It was an accident!” Thea protested.

Alejandro arched one dark eyebrow. “Stealing my car was an accident?”

“Well, no, not that part,” my friend admitted sheepishly. “That was intentional. Although technically I only borrowed it – after all, I brought it back. But it’s not like I intended to hit the wall.”

“Thea, give it up,” I interrupted, trying to hide my smile. “You’re not going to win this one. Alejandro has had more than four hundred years to hone his stubbornness into a fine art.”

“I choose to take that as a compliment,” he said dryly.

I stuck my tongue out at him playfully. “You do that.”

“Alejandro.”

The sudden serious tone surprised us, and the three of us turned towards Violet, who was standing in the kitchen doorway looking disapproving (as usual). The house phone was clutched in her right hand. “Gregory is on the phone for you,” she told Alejandro, and swept past me to hand the phone to him. I had no idea who Gregory was; undoubtedly a minion of some sort. “He says it’s important.”

Alejandro sighed. “It always is.” He held the phone to his ear and said in what I liked to think of as his King Voice, “Yes, Gregory?” He glanced at me and gave me an apologetic look before moving to the corner of the room for some semblance of privacy. The kitchen was large enough that from the other side of the room I couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end of the phone – not an easy feat for someone with vampire hearing.

Violet leaned back against a counter as she waited for Alejandro to finish on the phone, pointedly ignoring Thea and me. I didn’t know about Thea, but the atmosphere was feeling decidedly tense to me. Violet had not taken to Thea any more than she had me, and so, perversely, Thea took great delight in teasing Violet at every opportunity. I suspected that if Thea were not my best friend – and, by extension, a friend of Alejandro’s – Violet would already have eaten her.

I could tell Thea was trying to think of a snide remark, and while I would rather she kept it to herself in order to keep the peace, I couldn’t deny that I quite enjoyed my friend insulting Violet; God knows the cow deserved to be put down now and then.

“Hey, Violet,” she said finally. “Looks like you didn’t wipe your mouth properly after your meal; there’s some blood in the corner. Tell me, who did you eat today?”

Violet gave her an impassive look and replied, “Your boyfriend.”

Thea apparently had no reply to this; instead she gave an indignant huff and stuck two fingers up at Violet as soon as she turned her back on her. I almost wanted to laugh, but remembered just in time that I was on Thea’s side, not Violet’s.

“What?” Alejandro’s voice suddenly rising in volume brought my attention back to him. His eyebrows had drawn together in anger and frustration. He listened to Gregory say something, and then replied in a tone that made it perfectly clear how pissed off he was, “I understand your reasoning, Gregory, but the next time something like this arises, tell me immediately. It is, after all, my job.” A heavy emphasis was place on the last two words. Another pause, and then, “No, do not involve them. Tell no one. I will sort it out myself. Goodbye.” He pressed the Off button and regarded Violet, Thea and me soberly. “Another vampire seems to have disappeared,” he announced with no preamble.

My stomach sank. “A ghoul attack, do you think?” I asked, my voice a horrified whisper. I had been so absorbed in the recent trouble with Thierry that I had almost forgotten about our ghoul problem.

“It seems likely,” Alejandro agreed wearily. He sighed. “I had hoped to avoid this, but I think it is time to tell the vampire community about the ghouls. There will be panic and hysteria, of course, but I need everyone to be vigilant. I do not want another vampire to meet the same fate as Patrick.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat; the memory of what had happened to poor Patrick was still fresh in my mind – not to mention in my nightmares. “I think that’s a good idea,” I said encouragingly. “People deserve to know the truth. They should be on their guard.”

“I agree,” said Violet, to my surprise, until I realised she was directing herself to Alejandro and not me. “It is imperative the community knows what it is up against. They will not be pleased that the truth has been concealed from them until now, but they will understand. They might also be able to aid in the hunt for the missing vampire,” she added. A thought seemed to occur to her, and she said, sounding almost fearful, “Who is it?”

“No one you know,” replied Alejandro. “I have only met him twice myself. He only moved here from America six months ago.” He gave another sigh, this one heavier than the last, and the look in his golden eyes could almost be described as haunted. “Poor man.” He blinked and the vulnerable look vanished as he straightened, going into King Mode. “I will leave immediately to being the search.”

“Do you want some help?” I offered.

He deliberated for a moment before shaking his head. “No. I would much rather you stayed here, querida, where I know you will be safe.”

I was inclined to argue, but the look in his eyes broached no room for disagreement. I nodded my head reluctantly to show I understood. “All right.” I walked over to him and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. His hands clutched my arms, holding me against him as our lips met. “Please be careful,” I murmured as we pulled away from each other, anxious for his safety. I didn’t know what I would do if I lost him.

He smiled gently. “Always.” He turned, on the brink of leaving the room, but hesitated and said to me, “Lexie, I would appreciate it if you would ring Frances and ask her to come here. I think she has been alone too much recently, and some company would be good for her.”

What he left unsaid was that he thought it likely the ghouls would try to target Frances – after all, they had already taken her brother – and she would be much safer here. For this reason I didn’t argue, and instead merely nodded to show I understood where he was coming from, and would do my best to keep Frances safe. He graced me with a dazzling smile before striding from the kitchen, Violet following closely behind him.

Thea and I, left alone, stared at each other for a moment. I felt infinitely sorry she seemed to keep getting caught up in my supernatural messes, and wished – not for the first time – that she hadn’t come for a visit. No matter how grateful I was for her company, she was safer elsewhere. Not that I could ever seem to convince her of that.

“I’ll understand if you want to go back to Cambridge already,” I said finally.

“What, and miss all the excitement?” she joked, linking arms with me and dragging me from the kitchen, both of us pretending we didn’t know she was frightened. “Not on your life. Besides, I’ve only got a couple of days left here anyway. I might as well make myself useful while I still can.” She paused, and something seemed to occur to here. “Who on earth is Frances?”

After explaining that Frances was the one whose brother had been turned into a ghoul, I did my duty and rang her. She sounded understandably morose, but agreed to come over. I didn’t tell her the real reason, of course – somehow I didn’t think she needed the reminder of what had happened to Patrick – and instead told a whopping lie, saying that Thea and I were having a girly night in anyway, and thought she might appreciate the company.

“You can’t tell her about the missing vampire,” I told Thea as we settled in the living room, surrounded by assorted unhealthy snacks and several romantic comedies on DVD to choose from. “You have to promise me you won’t say anything.”

My best friend snorted inelegantly. “What do you take me for? Of course I won’t say anything.”

I raised my eyebrows sceptically. I didn’t doubt that Thea had the best possible intentions, but let’s face it – her mouth had a tendency to run away with her. There was a good chance she’d mention the missing vampire without actually meaning to. “I know. But…just think before you speak, please.”

She nodded, and mimed zipping her lips closed and throwing away the key. “My lips are sealed. I promise.”

As satisfied as I was going to be, I let the subject drop. Frances arrived a couple of minutes later, and I introduced her to Thea. We curled up on the large sofa to watch the Sex and the City movie, all three of us pretending our attention was on the film. I was actually fretting about Alejandro’s safety – one bite from a ghoul and he would become one himself; the idea of watching my boyfriend literally rot obviously held little appeal – while Frances was undoubtedly thinking about her brother. As for Thea…well, I wasn’t entirely certain what she was thinking about (probably what a danger-magnet her best friend was) but she did a better job of pretending she was absorbed in the film. She even gave an appreciative whistle at the part where Samantha perved on her hot neighbour in the shower.

“Now he should have been nicknamed Mr Big!” she declared.

Frances and I exchanged a look, and we both cracked up. After that we were all able to relax a little better, and I stopped worrying about Alejandro so much. I couldn’t prevent myself from thinking about him entirely – he was never very far from my mind – but I was able to stop thinking about him every five seconds and wondering what he was doing and whether his investigation was progressing well.

We had finished the Sex and the City movie and moved onto the DVD of the fourth season that Thea had given me for Christmas when Jon wandered into the room. Samantha was doing what she did best and shagging some bloke, and Jon’s eyes widened as he took in the sight. “Are you watching porn?” he demanded incredulously.

“It’s Sex and the City, you muppet,” Thea informed him with a smile that eased the harshness of her words.

“Oh.” He gave the TV screen a doubtful look. “It looks like soft porn to me. Believe me, I know what it looks like.”

Us three girls chorused “Ewwww!” simultaneously.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m a bloke, of course I’ve watched porn. It’s normal.”

“There’s nothing normal about it,” I retorted with a roll of my eyes. Something occurred to me, and I added smugly, “Besides, Alejandro is male and he doesn’t watch porn.”

A teasing glint entered Jon’s blue eyes. “That’s what you think,” he said, and dashed from the room before I could throw the bowl of popcorn at him. I heard his mocking laughter as he receded down the corridor.

“Bastard!” I yelled after him, more amused than anything else. I turned to give Thea a mock glare. “He’s your boyfriend. Aren’t you going to discipline him?”

She arched one blonde eyebrow. “For watching porn? I don’t care if he does. And how exactly do you expect me to ‘discipline’ him? With whips and chains?”

I almost gagged at the mental image that presented. “Thanks for that, you’ve probably scarred me for life. If Jon and you ever have sex, with whips or otherwise, please don’t tell me about it,” I pleaded. “I really don’t need the details.”

“What do you mean, if? It’s going to happen sooner or later.” She waggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. Something seemed to occur to her, and she turned to Frances, who had sat through our exchange with Jon silently, eyeing the vampire speculatively. “You must have had hundreds of lovers,” she said admiringly.

Frances looked understandably startled and insulted. She stiffened, and said in a cold voice, “Excuse me?”

“She’s not calling you a slut,” I said quickly, playing mediator. “I think she thinks you’re hundreds of years old, and have inevitably shagged a lot of people in that time. Thea, Frances isn’t that type of vampire. She was born, not made. She’s only twenty-eight.”

“Oh. Sorry.” She looked repentant for about a fraction of a second before she brightened. She sat up straighter on the sofa, tucking her bare feet under her as she became more excited. “You were born a vampire? That’s so cool! So how exactly does it work? Alejandro told me vamps can have kids, and I know you’re not actually dead and all, but I still find it rather weird. Is the pregnancy like a human one?”

Frances nodded. “For the most part, yes. My mother, when she was pregnant with my brother and me, didn’t have morning sickness – vampires can’t get ill – but she had the cravings and other symptoms. She ate human food, which she didn’t usually bother with, in order to sustain herself, and drank more blood than usual.” As she went on to explain it further, I was surprised to see that, for the first time since Patrick’s accident, the lingering sadness in her eyes had cleared. I gave Thea a startled glance, and wondered whether she had deliberately questioned Frances in the hope of distracting her from her problems. Perhaps my best friend had more tact than I usually gave her credit for.

“Lexie, are you listening to this?” she demanded, noticing I was distracted. “This could be you one day!”

Then again, maybe not.

I rolled my eyes. “Or I can live in hope that I’ll have been killed by Thierry before I ever have to worry about a vampire pregnancy.”

“Oh, so you’re using protection then?”

Why were we even talking about this? Thea and I were open about a lot of things, but sex wasn’t one of them. Well, admittedly we sometimes mentioned it, but we weren’t exactly the Sex and the City girls when it came to discussing what we got up to in the bedroom. “Thea, shut up,” I said meaningfully.

She ignored me. “Are you using condoms? Or on the Pill?”

“The Pill doesn’t work on vampires,” Frances informed her.

Thea waved a hand dismissively. “Whatever. Well, Lexie? Are you?” She and Frances looked at me curiously.

“Um.” I shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny of their gaze and cleared my throat awkwardly. “No, not exactly.”

“Ha!” Thea stabbed a triumphant finger in my direction. “See, I have a point. If you’re not going to use birth control, then what Frances is saying about vampire pregnancies actually is something you should listen to.” She frowned suddenly. “Why aren’t you using protection?”

I wanted to die of embarrassment. “It sort of just never came up.” Now that I thought about it, she had an excellent point. Why weren’t Alejandro and I using condoms or the like? I suppose it had just never really occurred to me as something to worry about. Vampires couldn’t catch STDs, so that wasn’t an issue, and as for the pregnancy thing… Well, I was only nineteen years old. Having children was something much older people did – my mum had been almost thirty when my older brother was born – not people still in their teens. Realistically I knew that wasn’t true, but it was almost as though I’d thought myself impervious to getting knocked up, much as most teenagers think they’re impervious to dying (at least I’d been corrected of that misapprehension).

“It never came up?” Frances and Thea echoed in unison.

I shrugged. “To be honest, I’m not sure Alejandro even knows what a condom is. When he was human, they didn’t exactly have Durex. Besides,” I added, “Alejandro said it’s difficult for vampires to conceive. Not impossible, but bloody hard. I mean, we’ve been having unprotected sex for about ten months now, and I’m not up the duff yet. Isn’t that true, Frances?” I asked, appealing to her.

She nodded. “It took my parents almost twenty years to conceive.”

“Right. So can we please stop talking about this? I’m not pregnant, I’m not going to get pregnant. It’s a total non-issue. Let’s drop the subject and just go back to watching bloody Sex and the City, shall we?”

And then, of course, the episode where Miranda finds out she’s pregnant came on.

Typical.

Alejandro arrived home in the early hours of the morning. I was in bed reading, and looked up with interest when he entered the room, relieved to have him home safely. He was already in the process of undoing his tie as he pushed open the door. It was an oddly sexy thing to watch, so I simply stared at him for a moment until I gathered my wits about me.

“How did it go? Did you find the man?” I asked, concerned.

He shook his head wearily and sat on the edge of the bed as he unbuttoned his shirt, a little more of his tanned, muscled chest being revealed with each button. It was like a striptease. I watched avidly. “No. But we did find some of his blood in the alleyway that runs alongside his office. It was very little, but it would only take one bite for someone to become a ghoul.” He gave me a long, sad look. “It does not look good, querida.”

As he brushed his teeth and took a quick shower in the en suite, I thought about the poor man who had probably become a ghoul. I didn’t know him – I didn’t even know his name – but that wasn’t the point. He didn’t deserve what had happened. No one deserved such a thing. He had become an animated, rotting corpse because someone was waging guerrilla warfare against his King. It wasn’t fair.

“Did you have a good time with Frances and Thea?” asked Alejandro, interrupting my thoughts. He slipped into bed beside me, and I shifted closer to him, snuggling up against his side. This was my favourite part of every day, when the two of us got to be alone together – it wasn’t even the prospect of sex, it was just the fact we could be close. As cliché as it sounds, it was as though I was a jigsaw puzzle that was only complete when Alejandro was with me – he carried the missing piece around with him. We just…fit.

“Yes, it was fun,” I replied. “We watched Sex and the City.”

He made a face, which made me laugh. I had tried to make him watch the film once, and we’d only got about ten minutes in before he declared it unwatchable. Alejandro was one of those men who only liked films with complicated plots where people reflected on their exiguous existences. Subtitles were usually involved. His taste in books was equally serious. I could just about appreciate it, but I didn’t think there was anything wrong with broadening one’s horizons and watching the occasional romcom.

“I persuaded Frances to stay the night… I mean, day,” I continued. “She’s in the guest bedroom next to Thea’s. I’ve been thinking… Maybe we should persuade her to stay with us until this whole situation is resolved? It’s about the same distance to her work from here as it is from her flat, so that won’t be a problem.”

He nodded in agreement, his expression pensive. “That is a very good idea. I worry about her being alone. She will be much safer here.” He beamed at me; his fingers drew lazy circles on the bare skin of my arm. Neither of us wore clothes in bed when the weather was mild like this, which was a distinct advantage at certain times. “How did I ever end up with such an intelligent, wonderful girlfriend?” he wondered aloud.

“I was desperate,” I answered immediately, and gave a shriek of laughter when he began to tickle me mercilessly in revenge. I was squirming and rolling around on the bed, trying half-heartedly to get away from him, when our eyes met. An electric current passed between us – and the next thing I knew, his mouth was on mine and I was rolling around on the bed for an entirely different reason. I moaned and parted my lips, allowing his tongue entry. My hands tangled in his silky dark hair; his ran up and down my back. After a while, his mouth left mine and he trailed kisses across my neck and collarbone, moving slowly further down. Was it possible to die of bliss? I was about to test that theory.

…And then I suddenly remembered what Frances and Thea had said.

As mood-killers went, it was a pretty effective one. I stiffened in Alejandro’s arms. He frowned and looked up at me, a lock of dark hair falling across his eyes in a truly adorable way. “Is something wrong?” he asked, concerned.

Here goes nothing… “Alejandro,” I began tentatively. “I’ve been thinking. Maybe we should start using…protection.”

He looked slightly confused, but after a moment his expression cleared. He moved up the bed so that he was lying beside me. Stroking a line down my cheek with his fingers in a way that made me all tingly, he said gently, “Querida, we are doing all we possibly can. You have a bodyguard when you go out, and I have people patrolling the grounds lest anyone should try to sneak in here. You are perfectly safe.”

We had people patrolling the grounds?

That really wasn’t the point. I rolled my eyes, realising he’d misunderstood me. “I don’t mean that sort of protection. I mean for sex!” At his bewildered look, I elaborated, “You know, condoms and suchlike.”

“Condoms…” he repeated blankly.

“Yes.” Flustered, I explained, “They’re these, um, latex things that go on your, er, p-p…” I couldn’t even say the word. “…your you-know-what. They stop people from getting pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted disease.” My cheeks felt unnaturally warm; I’m sure they were as red as a beetroot. “You must have heard of them,” I said desperately.

Alejandro rolled his expressive golden eyes at me. “Of course I have heard of them, I am just surprised you suddenly wish to use them. We have been sleeping together since last summer, mi amante, and never once have you suggested using protection before.”

“I know,” I mumbled, embarrassed. “And that was…stupid of me. But Thea, Frances and I were talking earlier, and – ”

“Thea and Frances?” he interrupted. He looked utterly appalled. “You have discussed our sex life with Thea and Frances?”

I was getting the sinking feeling this conversation was not going well, but it was too late to back out now. “It’s not like I told them all the gory details, but they happened to ask whether we were using protection, and I admitted that we’re not,” I confessed. I ran a hand through my hair in a frustrated gesture. “But it made me realise that we really should be. I know sexually transmitted infections aren’t a problem, what with us vamps not being able to catch diseases, but… What I mean is…we don’t want to end up with a little Alejandro or Lexie running around, do we?” I said with a forced laugh.

My words were greeted by silence.

“Alejandro?” I said anxiously. His expression was carefully blank. Shit. This wasn’t the way I’d imagined things going. In my head, I’d said, “Alejandro, we need to start using condoms,” and he’d replied, “All right, I’ll buy some tomorrow – perhaps the flavoured ones.” Or something like that. I hadn’t imagined Alejandro would apparently dislike the idea quite so much – or that he was being worryingly silent on the subject of children.

“Alejandro?” I repeated, my voice sounding more high-pitched than I intended, tinged as it was with panic.

He sighed and shifted position uncomfortably, and I realised suddenly that he didn’t look unhappy – he looked embarrassed. It was the equivalent of the world starting to rotate backwards or hell freezing over: Alejandro was never embarrassed. “Lexie, the idea of having children with you is not displeasing to me,” he muttered, keeping his gaze averted.

I took a moment to digest this. I felt a little numb – I wasn’t sure whether I should be excited or freaked out or what. Alejandro wanted children? I hadn’t expected this. We had never really spoken about it before, and I’d always assumed he felt the same way about it as I did: that while it would be nice to have kids one day in the distant future – like in a hundred years, when I’d had time to adjust to the idea – it would not be a good idea to bring a baby into the world at the moment. We could barely keep ourselves alive, let alone a defenceless little baby.

“I…” I paused, searching for the words, and cleared my throat before trying again. “It’s not entirely displeasing to me either, Alejandro, but you must see where I’m coming from. Now would be an awful time to bring a child into the world, what with the fact we get attacked by ghouls and other vampires and God-knows-what-else every five minutes. I’ve always assumed I would have children one day, but…not now.” I sighed and clasped his hands in mine gently. “I’m sorry. Please tell me you understand.”

He nodded slowly, and graced me with a small smile. “I do.”

“Tell you what: When we’re no longer being threatened by Thierry and his boss, we’ll reopen the subject. How does that sound?”

His smile widened. “I thought I was supposed to be the mature one in this relationship.”

I returned his smile, relieved beyond words that we had, at least for the present, resolved the issue. “I think you’ve definitely been rubbing off on me,” I laughed. “So tomorrow you’ll go to the chemist and get a box of condoms, right?”

He frowned. “Why do I have to buy them? Is there some sort of rule that says it is the man’s job to buy the protection?”

“No, I’ll just die of embarrassment if I have to do it,” I retorted.

“Oh.” He hesitated. “Is there a particular sort I should get?”

I patted him on the arm. “I’ll leave that delightful decision up to you.” I barely repressed a snort of laughter at the mental image of Alejandro standing in the aisle at the local chemist, looking at all the different types of condoms available with his best bewildered expression on his face. It was a little ridiculous when one considered the idea of a centuries-old vampire – and a king no less – going shopping for condoms.

If only I’d known that, two days later, trying to persuade my boyfriend to buy protection would be the least of my worries.

Let me clear something up now: Lexie isn’t pregnant, nor is she going to get pregnant. I’ve had people ask me if she’ll get knocked up, and the answer is a resounding ‘no’. I hope this chapter clears that up. I know that, other than a lot of sex-related talk, nothing much happened in it, but I promise the next chapter will be very…significant. A certain mystery character is finally unmasked. Again, I’m really sorry it took so long for me to update this story, and I promise the next chapter will be out within a month (which is a comparatively short wait).

Don't forget to check out my new website, Fiction With Bite (the link is on my profile), that is attempting to list the best supernatural stories on FictionPress. There's now a mailing list you can join to be alerted when new stories are added to the list. Recommendations are always welcome.