Chapter One (In Which Peter McFlirtyShorts Gets Caught)

Peter McFlirtyShorts was a prince. Not a prince like the "Fresh Prince of Bell-air," but a prince like a Fairy Prince. He was the prince of a land called Calculoso . This land was full of fairies and other magical beasts such as Unicorn-Pegasus. (Not Pegasus-Unicorns, which obviously don't exist. Duh. ) Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince lived in a tall skinny castle with a thatched roof and a pond in front with Giant Karp in it. Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince enjoyed playing with the magical creatures of Calculoso. He had two animals in particular that he just loved: his Giant Karp that was named Benny (full name: Benjamin Jean Leonardo Elizabeth Hazer Margaret Victor Eric Feldman) and his pet Opossum who's name was Jimmy the Piff.

One day while Peter McFlirtyShorts was walking along (with his Giant Karp Benny and his opossum Jimmy the Piff behind him) a net fell on his head, trapping him in the middle of a dark, desolate, deserted, and (quite frankly) scary forest.

"Shoots," Peter McFlirtyShorts said with emphatic distain, "this has ruined my day!"

Peter McFlirtyShorts decided that all he could do was wait to be let out. So he sat down and thought about why the grass was green and who the heck would want to trap him in a net. Jimmy the Piff was growing impatient, though, and started chewing on the net.

"What in the Frick are you doing, Jimmy?!" Peter McFlirtyShorts shouted.

"Mrph," Jimmy said. He had the net in his mouth so he couldn't talk properly.

"You'll never escape that way, Fairy Prince," said a scary voice from the shadows.

"Oh, snap!" Peter murmured, preparing for the worst.

The worst never came. Instead out of the dark trees stepped a girl with a squirrel on her shoulder. The girl had short hair that look like it had been cut with a blunt axe, a sour look was fixed on her face and pink patches blotted her cheeks.

Semira was walking through the trees when she heard a strange conversation through the trees. She walked in the direction of the muttering and found a clearing. She quickly hid in the shadows of the trees. Peering through the dusky light she saw a boy a year or so younger then herself trapped under a net with an Opossum and a Giant Karp. She put on her most serious voice and stepped into the clearing. As she walked forward she saw that the boy was the Prince. She had heard of him and is funny sayings.

She had also heard of his banana cape. Peter McFlirtyShorts liked bananas, you see.

"Are you going to help?" The Prince asked nicely.

"No," Semira replied, and she walked away.

Semira then walked straight through the clearing and into the shadows on the other side before turning and saying, “Farewell, Banana Boy.” She then swiveled on her heel and walked steadily away.

As Semira walked through the woods she heard the distant cries of Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince. Semira walked in the general direction of the city. She lived with her big sister Quincy and her sister’s fiancé, Jaunes. About half way to the village she turned around though. She'd been thinking and decided that ignoring the Prince’s cries could have some bad after-effects, she walked back to clearing. Half way back she stopped and sat down next to a creek -- the Prince could wait.

There where small little frogs in the creek in a variety of colors. Okay, there really wasn't much variety they where all mauve or puce with silver metallic speckles (they did vary in size though). Semira was a loner and often came her to catch frogs for fun; she would also sell them as pets in the market so she could buy more books. Semira had a small in the medium sized apartment Quincy rented, and the whole room was cluttered with books. Well anyway, Semira stopped by the creek and played with the frogs for about an hour and then started out again. Semira turned around after walking a hundred yards or so and went back. She had been thinking, and decided that Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince needed help, but should not be helped too soon. (She didn't want to seem like she was under his command.) After another hour she finally left and walked back to the clearing. (She had left the Prince waiting for three hours now.)

As she entered the clearing Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince looked up and said "Aww, you're back, I knew you could not resist my fine flirty ways." (At this point Semira seriously thought of dragging him in the net and pushing him into a mud pit, but resisted.)

Semira sneered, "No.”

"I know you want to go on a hot date."

Semira snorted back laughter.

At that moment Jimmy the Piff escaped from the net and ran towards Semira, spewing bits of rope.

Semira backed up and yelled, "BACK OFF!" while putting her hands out and preparing herself for a round-house kick.

Jimmy the Piff stopped and said, "Calm down ya' psycho! I'm just trying to get this rope from my teeth and find a drink, I feel like I have been flossing my teeth for five hours.”

Semira moved towards the net with her eyebrows raised to free Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince.

“Do you think I look hot in these shorts?" Peter asked Semira as she walked over to help him.

"No," she sneered, laughing.

Peter glared at her, but put on his banana cape and stood up, brushing himself off.

"Where to now?" He asked casually.

"I'm going home; you are not coming with me." She turned to walk away.

"Hey, wait! I want to be best friends forever! We can rule Calculoso together!" He smiled in what he thought was a dashing manner.

"In your dreams," she said before dashing off into the forest.

Semira ran. She wanted nothing to do with that fool.

Peter was confused; he thought he looked very dashing and thought no girl could resist his flirtatious ways. He was wrong.

But at the time he didn't know that he was wrong. Semira did, though, and didn't stop running. Not until she reached the edge of the cliff, that is.

"Semira! WAIT UP!!" Peter called from behind.

"Crap," was all the girl said.

Peter thought to himself, "Wow, this girl is really cute; I bet she is just shy. But my flirtyness will put an end to that!"

He ran up to Semira as she stood trapped. Semira looked panicked.

"Calm down, Babe," Said Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince

Semira raised her eyebrows in mock disgust.

This is when Peter McFlirtyShorts started doubting his flirtatious skills.

"Okay, Okay enough with the small talk. I can tell my natural flirty skills do not impress you. Will you go Unicorn Pegasus riding with me on Saturday?

"Will you stop stalking me?"

"If you go Unicorn Pegasus riding with me."

"I suppose."

"Meet me in the meadow," yelled Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince as Semira ran away.

Semira decided as she ran that she would ask around before making her decision on whether or not to actually show up. She was 50 dead set against it.

"I'm going on a hot date!" Peter said happily as he watched Semira run off into the distance. He was wrong.

The next day Peter McFlirtyShorts stood waiting in the meadow with his personal Unicorn Pegasus tethered to a post nearby. It made a Unicorn Pegasus sound and then spoke.

"Peter, give up. The girl is not coming. She was never going to. You'll never find her now. Face it."

Peter looked dumbstruck and sullen.

"Noooooooo!" He said, and ran in circles.

Eventually his circle spiraled off course though and he ended up in the middle of the woods. Peter thought he knew where he was (he really had no clue) so he kept walking towards where he thought was home. After three hours of walking through dense underbrush Peter popped out in the Slums of Calculoso. He was scared -- he had only been there once and that was when he had a can of pepper spray. Now he was totally unguarded.

"Eeek!" He screamed as an empty beer bottle hurtled at him from out of an open window. "This place sure is low -- as low as a gangster’s pants," he muttered to himself.

Semira unknowingly passed by Peter the Prince. But Peter did not fail to notice.

"Go Fish, Semira! Straight from my heart -- go fish!"

"What the heck?" She muttered, and slipped into a back-alley. Peter followed hurriedly.

Semira hid behind a pile of old crates full of rotting herring. Peter ran into the alley but could not find Semira. He sat down on a crate of old corn and started crying.

"Semira you broke my heart!"

Semira heard and felt bad but, after all she had said she didn't like him. Stalking does have risks.

"All I wanted was to go Unicorn Pegasus riding with you, but you never showed up! Bwaaaaaah!!!" He sniffed and sobbed and cried for nearly an hour.

"Sheesh," Semira said, standing up at last. "Get over it!"

"So you are still entranced with me!" Peter smiled, wiping away his tears.

"Peter, Peter, Peter. How can I put this?" Semira said as she walked back and forth with her index finger on her chin.

"Maybe you could say, I love you Peter with all my heart, your flirty ways have enchanted me! Kiss me, Peter, please," Peter suggested

"Or maybe not," she said bluntly.

Peter looked down at his feet glumly "Fine, will you at least be my friend?"

"If I do will you stop stalking me?" Semira furrowed her brow

"I do not stalk you!"

"Yes, you do!"

"Fine, I'll stop 'stalking' you."

"Okay, friends," Semira said, crossing her arms.

"Friends!" Peter said holding out his hand

Semira tightened her arms "I'm not in to the whole touchy feely thing, Banana Boy."

And so, in his mind, Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince skipped through a field of flowers and butterflies and sang a lovely song.

In real life he just skipped in place. Then a girl walked into the alley calling out, “Semira!"

"Amba'!" Semira said joyfully. She was relieved to have her friend here at last to save her from the Prince.

"Semira!" Amba' shouted, a smile on her face. Then, "Who's the freak in shorts?"

"I'm Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince. Of course!" Peter said, slapping his knee with a laugh. "I know you're just joking about the freak part. You are entranced by my hunkiness!"

"Um, no. I'm actually not." Amba' crossed her arms.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"Dang, this is really an off week for me! Two girls turning me down!" Peter exclaimed.

"No girls have ever turned me down," said another voice.

"Macaroni! You're here!" Amba' and Semira exclaimed joyously.

"Yeah, that's right. Don't be stupid, Amba'. You and your cucumber nose!"

"Hey," Amba' said through her fist, which was covering her nose. "I'll get you, Macaroni!" She kicked him in the shin. He kicked her in the thigh. The Fairy Prince laughed hysterically and Semira was left standing there, watching it all. She shook her head sadly.

The truth was though Macaroni had never bean turned down because, unlike Peter, he never tried to have flirty skills. He had also never asked someone out.

"Is this your Posse, Semira?"

"No, these are my best friends Amba' and Macaroni,” Semira stated flatly

"So they are your Posse?"

"No, stop using the word posse," snapped Semira

"When is Sofa the Muffin coming?" Amba' asked.

"She should be here soon, she called me...”

"Sofa the Muffin?" Asked Peter. "What kind of a name is that?!"

"It's my kind of name!" Said Sofa Muffin as she stepped into the alley.

She then went and stood by Amba' and Macaroni. "Who’s the kid in shorts and the banana cape?"

“He's Semira's secret boyfriend," snickered Amba' and Macaroni together.

"He is so NOT my boyfriend. Not of the secret variety or the normal variety," Semira countered with crossed arms. Peter looked a little deflated at that.

"Well who is he?" Sofa Muffin asked annoyed

"I'm the Fairy Prince! Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince!!" Peter shouted, waving his arms about in a wild manner. No one was impressed.

"That explains the shorts," Macaroni said cynically.

"And the cape," added Amba'

"So what are we doing today? And is Banana Boy coming?"

“We're going Unicorn Pegasus riding! Yippee!" Peter the Prince shouted merrily.

"Um, no, we're not." Amba' looked around. "We're going... clothes shopping. Specifically, pants shopping." She gave Peter a look that seemed to say 'We're buying you pants whether you like it or not.' Peter McFlirtyShorts gulped.

Sofa Muffin clapped excitedly then stopped. "Wait… where do we shop for guys pants?"

At this remark all three girls turned too Macaroni

"Well?" Amba' said, raising her eyebrows at Macaroni.

"To Calculoso Eagle Outfitters!" Yelled Macaroni, then ran away and the rest chased him.

Well, not all the rest. Semira stood there, watching them run.

"Why do I know these people?!" She asked no one.

Then she remembered. "Oh yeah, because I love them! They understand me and Love me for whom I am.” Then she skipped off behind them.

They ran/skipped all the way to downtown where they all halted in front of C.E.O. (Calculoso Eagle Outfitters)

"But I detest vacations!" Peter complained rudely. "And pants!"

"Too bad" Amba' said as she pushed Peter into the shop.

"So now what do we do?" Semira asked raising a brow.

"We get a sales clerk. Only someone who is professionally trained in pants will ever get Peter into a pair," Sofa Muffin stated bluntly.

"That's me!" Said a perky voice as a figure jumped into their group. "My name is Milly Silverspoons, how may I help you?!" She was just a bit too cheerful.

"Umm get a different sales person," Macaroni muttered into Amba's ear.

Amba' flicked his head and whispered back, “Don't be rude.”

In the meantime, Sofa Muffin pulled Peter towards the sales clerk and said, "You can help us find some pants for this kid."

"He's not wearing pants?!" Milly jumped up in alarm. She had taken the statement the wrong way. Poor Prince Peter.

"No, he's wearing shorts from grade school," Semira pointed out.

"Phew." Milly relaxed a bit.

She still rushed him towards the pants department, though.

"Noooooooooo!!" Peter screamed hysterically, causing everyone else in the store to run away.

"He sure knows how to clear a crowd," Macaroni pointed out helpfully.

The sales person began measuring to find out his pant size. "You're a large. I think.”

She then began searching through the pant racks searching for a pair.

"No," Sofa the Muffin giggled, "I think he's an extra small!"

Peter, not knowing the meaning of these sizes agreed with Sofa immediately.

"Um, alright..." Milly said, grabbing a pair of very small pants. "Go try them on!"

(A few minutes later...)

"Do these fit right?" Peter said, stepping out of the dressing room.

"Yes! Yes they do!" Macaroni laughed.

And this, my friends, is how Peter McFlirtyShorts the Fairy Prince became Peter McFlirtyGirlPants the Emo Fairy Prince.

And that is the end of Chapter One.