The sound of sneakers squeaking across linoleum, the clicking and scraping of plastic utensils on paper plates, and the dull rumble of several hundred voices filled the cafeteria. Sprawled lengthily across a faded yellow table in a confusing jumble of arms, elbows, and wrists, Matthias Gottlieb drummed his fingers absentmindedly against the dull plastic surface, and glanced at his watch. An untouched chicken, lettuce, and tomato sandwich lay on the tray beside him.

“Hey,” David Niedecker mumbled through a mouthful of foil-wrapped cheeseburger as he juggled his backpack, three textbooks, and two large binders over to their usual table. “Man, it was hell getting through the halls like this. You have no idea.” Dumping his burdens on the table, he combed his skinny fingers through his curly blond hair, making it stick up even more. The table creaked alarmingly under the added weight, but managed to stay in one piece.

“I’m not a stalker,” Matthias greeted him, referring to an earlier conversation held in class via text messaging. He pushed his dark hair out of his eyes to glare at his friend in consternation.

David didn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, okay. A tall, creepy guy who hides behind his own hair and looks at the girl sideways, unless of course she isn’t looking, in which case he gawks openly. Follows her around, knows where she lives, knows what she likes and what she doesn’t like, and has never spoken a word to her in the two years they’ve been at the same school. Sure. None of that sounds like anything related to stalking at all.” He rolled his eyes. “Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.”

“Dave, you’re supposed to be my friend. It wouldn’t hurt to act like it sometime.”

David plopped onto the bench next to his friend, a shrug lifting his shoulders. “As your friend, I feel that you’re worthy of my honesty. And, I’m a terrible actor.” He unzipped his overstuffed bag and shifted the contents gingerly, feeling around carefully. “I know I put a Coke in here earlier.”

“You want to talk about problems, let’s talk about your nigh-incapacitating inability to actually use your locker,” Matthias replied. “I’m convinced it’s only a matter of time before you stumble, drop your bag, and crush a small child that just happens to be walking by at that moment. The day is fast approaching.”

“Don’t change the subject,” David chided, waving the recovered soda in Matthias’ general direction triumphantly. “We’re talking about your obsession, not my inconsequential little personality quirks.”

“A child’s life is hanging in the balance and you call that inconsequential? You monster.”

He pointed at Matthias accusingly, a knowing smirk crossing his face. “Pages. How many? You know you know, and don’t try lying.”

Matthias glared back at him for a few moments. Then his gaze faltered, and he looked away. “Six and a half, since you’ve been here. Nine, total, this lunch period.”

“She must really be enjoying the book,” David smiled, the insufferably smug smile of one who’s used to being proven right, now and forever. “What’s she reading?”

“Twelfth Card. Jeffery Deaver,” Matthias informed the tabletop, refusing to meet David’s eyes.

“Point made?”

“I hate you.”

“You don’t,” David unwrapped his burger, still grinning to himself.

“You’re a jerk.”

“You’re like my brother.”

“Yeah, exactly. You’re a jerk to him, too.”

“Stop being a pissy bitch. You have a problem, admit it, and move on. You want some of my sandwich?”

“You’re a pissy bitch,” Matthias mumbled, then replied, “No, thanks.” Under his breath. “Jerk.”

“Suit yourself.”

The ‘she’ in question was Bonnie Allen, smallish, bookish, and just above average in terms of beauty. Known for her ability to read almost without pause all day, Bonnie was smart and funny, and, being somewhat of a tomboy, had none of the giggly flirtatious affectations most other girls had. She was three tables away, nose in a book, purple backpack and matching binder sprawled across the table in front of her. She played with a piece of her ash blonde hair as she read, winding it around and around her fingers; David gazed at her and chewed speculatively. Glancing back at Matthias, he saw his friend had already retreated behind his long black hair and was watching her, chin resting on his folded arms.

“My God. You really do look like a serial killer or something,” David said, through a mouthful of food.

Matthias gave him a highly offended look. “You call me a stalker, then a serial killer. I can’t remember why I’m friends with you. It must be for all the good you do my self-esteem.”

“Why don’t you just try talking to her?”

Matthias made a hoarse scoff of a noise deep in his throat that could have meant anything from horror to amusement.

David persisted, nonetheless. “Seriously. She’s not that intimidating.” He paused for a moment, considered his words. “Actually, she’s not intimidating at all.”

“Maybe not to you.”

“She’s in my calculus class. I’ve talked to her a couple times, I could introduce you.”

Matthias wrung his hands nervously. “I have problems talking to normal girls, Dave, much less one that I actually like.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” David opined. “Crush or no crush, she’s still just a girl. Watch, I’ll show you.” He cupped his hands around his mouth. “Hey! Hey, Bonnie!”

At the sound of her name being shouted across the cafeteria, Bonnie jumped a bit, startled. She searched for the source, and once spotting David waving frantically at her, smiled and waved back.

“Come here for a second, would you? I wanna ask you something!” David yelled again, gesturing wildly with the remains of his burger. Bits of meat, cheese, and bread were strewn haphazardly across the table.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Matthias sat bolt upright and grabbed at David’s shirtsleeve with trembling fingers, trying to pull him back down. “Stop doing that, you jackass, she’s gonna come over here!”

“That’s the point. Sink or swim, my friend.”

Matthias hyperventilated for a moment, eyes closed, and then shook his head. “All right, all right, you’re right, I can do this, you’re right. I can do this. I can.” He swallowed hard, took a long, bracing breath, and opened his eyes; Bonnie was no longer at her table. “Fuck this, I can’t do it!” he panicked.

Matthias lurched unsteadily to his feet, towering over David, and turned to flee. He abruptly crashed into Bonnie, who had come to a stop right behind him, and sent her sprawling. Her bag fell and burst open, books and papers scattered, and she landed on her backside with a muffled ‘oomph’. Matthias stood frozen in horror. David turned away and took an enormous bite of his burger to stifle his laughter.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Matthias babbled, dropping to his knees and frantically trying to collect the papers strewn across the floor.

Bonnie sat on the linoleum floor, momentarily stunned, then giggled. “That was pretty intense. So, do we exchange insurance information or something? You okay?”

Matthias offered her the papers he’d picked up, not making eye contact. “Um, yeah, fine.” He glanced at her quickly, looked away, blushed, and then offered, “You’re pretty small.”

“Yeah, no chance of any damage to you,” she grinned up at him. “And you’re what, like about six and a half feet?”

He nodded, staring at the floor. “Almost.” He was still holding the papers, and his breath.

She picked herself up off the floor, dusted off the seat of her jeans, and took them from his shaking hand. Noticing how he trembled, Bonnie touched his arm in concern. “Are you okay? You look sick or something.”

He twitched as she touched him, his skin pallid. “F-fine, thanks.”

“Sure?”

Matthias glanced at David, silently begging him for help.

A moment passed, and David took pity on him. “Yeah, he’s fine, Bonnie,” he intervened, “it’s just that he just got over the flu, and he’s still a little weak.”

“Oh, I see,” she smiled at Matthias. “Well, you get better. Though I’d hate to run into you when you’re at full strength, you’d probably put me through a wall.”

Matthias chuckled, a high-pitched uncomfortable noise, and flushed red all the way to the roots of his hair. She favored him with another bewildered smile, then turned her attention to David. “Did you want to talk to me or something?”

He snapped his fingers. “Right, right, right. I almost forgot in all the excitement. Did you do the math homework?”

Bonnie looked at him, puzzled. “There wasn’t any homework for today, Dave.”

David grinned and rolled his eyes, bopping himself lightly on the forehead. “God, I’m a dork. I could have sworn there was, it was driving me crazy. Sorry to have made you risk your life against Goliath here just for that. I guess I’ll see you later, Bonnie.”

“No problem, this was fun. We should all get together and do it again sometime. See you in class. Bye, Matthias,” she called, shouldering her backpack and waving as she turned and walked away.

Matthias blanched, then blushed again. “Bye,” he whispered feebly. His knees wobbled and gave out at last, and he collapsed onto the bench next to his friend.

David patted him on the back, grinning. “That was the funniest thing I’ll ever see in my life.”

“Fuck you.”

“You looked like a Mood-Man. If I touch you, will you change colors because of my body heat?”

“Fuck you. And keep your body heat to yourself.”

“I think she liked you.”

“… Really?”

“Of course. A giant dork who changes colors practically on command? She loved it. I’m going to make a habit of playing matchmaker for you more often. It’ll help you get over this uncomfortable stalking phase.”

“Dave, for the last time, I’m not a stalker.”