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Author's Notes: This is just Allan's thoughts now. :)
"The quiet...shuffling...trees? Ahh...no, that's wrong."
I scratched my head, pondering. A few strands of my hair tickled my nose as I stared down the piece of paper I was holding. I lifted up my glasses in deep thought, trying to compose a song. It was a simple task for me but somehow nothing would come out that day.
Folding the paper in half, I stood up and dusted my pants. I was sitting on a bench in a cherry tree park just a few blocks away from my apartment. Rosy pink petals were scattered all over the pavement. Children were playing with their dogs; parents watching over them. A picture perfect moment, some would say. For me, moments like those were a dime a dozen. There are far more difficult things to imagine than that of an ordinary family outing. Like saving someone from certain death, for instance.
It had been 3 days after that incident. After Angela went to the hospital, everything seemed peaceful. Like nothing happened.
I decided to visit her that day. I wanted to make fun of her; telling her that I was the one who saved her life. She'd probably be depressed it wasn't her boyfriend.
Speaking of her boyfriend; his name was probably Skye.
Haha, what a strange couple. Not to mention, he seemed a few years older than I was. Talk about pedophile.
I rode on my bike and began cycling off towards the hospital where Angela was taken. I had a small gift for her in my basket that I thought she might enjoy when she felt better. Or for when she stops crying after I pick on her. Either way, I knew she would like it.
I thanked her and sped off, holding the small green and yellow package in my hands.
I knocked twice, making sure I was disturbing at all. Or did I actually want to disturb?
Alas, there was no answer. So I had to turn the knob which I discovered was left open. I peeked inside, checking if anyone but Angela was there.
No one.
I quickly opened the door and let myself in. I made sure of closing the door as quiet as possible. It looked like Angela was still asleep.
I wondered if I should wake her up.
Or throw the parcel at her face.
Or unplug her respirator.
In the end, I just sat down on the chair next to her bed, placing the gift on the side table. It was a marmalade-filled éclair with marshmallows shaped like little sheep.
I lifted my legs and placed them on the bed where Angela rested. Somehow, manners didn't concern me at all. I stared at the ceiling for sometime, observing the white tiles building up dust. I thought about the song again and what I was going to do with it.
It was all so sudden. They just came to me, telling me that the band was back and that they needed a composer. I didn't volunteer myself and yet somehow I still ended up doing it. I guessed it was one of those things you couldn't change about yourself.
"Why are you here?" A voice growled from the doorway.
It was the black-haired guy again; in his hand was a steaming cup. Seemed like he came back from the canteen.
"Am I not allowed to visit Angela?" I asked quietly, returning my attention to the girl.
"...Hmph." He scowled as he walked over to the table and leaving the hot Styrofoam cup there. "She's fine."
"I can see that." I paused for a while, thinking what to say next and then I added, "You must be Skye."
"Did she tell you about me?" He asked, dragging another chair next to mine and sitting on it.
"No." I said, "Apparently not."
"So how did you know my name?" I watched him stare at Angela intensely.
"Angela called me Skye. Or at least, I thought it was Angela."
"Thought it was her?" He asked me. Though, I don't know the answer myself. Perhaps, it really was the work of angels. But my faith for such creatures has grown little over the time. No one really believes in them anymore in this time and day.
"It's...a long story." I wondered that if I told him, would he really believe it. But it's hard to believe in things that aren't common. But then again, love works like that too. Maybe if we put a little faith in trying to believe in the impossible, maybe there wouldn't be impossible things in this world.
"Ahh...I don't feel like listening to long stories right now."
"It's complicated anyway. I have to ask though...how did this all start?"
"I was an idiot."
"I can relate to that, I suppose."
"Oh?" He gave me a curious look in his face. "What do you mean?"
"It's...a long story."
"I have time." He grinned.
We laughed a little. I felt that we were somewhat the same, Skye and I. I didn't know what was the same though. But somehow, I did.
"I fell in love. With someone I shouldn't have."
"Why did you think that?"
"For starters, she was older than me. She had a life of her own when I still lived with my parents. She had a job when I still went to school. But somehow, we managed to cross paths."
"If you haven't noticed yet. Angela is younger than I am. Way younger."
"Ah, yeah, I did actually. But it doesn't matter if the girl's younger, right?"
"Well, it's more normal in a relationship, I suppose."
"Mmm...well. I fell in love with her first. It was purely unrequited. I didn't expect her to love me back; more or less, I thought she would only treat me as a friend or worse, a little brother. We hung out together after I met her in her part-time job. She just suddenly started talking to me but I knew I didn't want her to NOT talk to me."
"Love at first sight?" He asked, grinning.
"I was more surprised than anything. She was extremely popular and beautiful and I was...nobody. A shadow. Nothing special whatsoever. And when she spoke to me, I felt like I was useful. Like I was wanted. Needed."
He nodded, folding his arms against his chest. He glanced at Angela again and so did I. I felt her presence again, like she was awake. But I hoped she wasn't hear all of this.
"Sounds like some sick soap opera, huh? Haha, yeah. I thought about that too."
"So what happened then?"
"Fast forward a few months later, I noticed she started acting funny around me. Whenever I came for our daily meeting, she'd talk like she was nervous around me. I asked her what was wrong but she'd just turn around and walk away." I took a deep breath, remembering all those moments. They were so vivid; it was like it happened on the same day. "Finally, I managed to get it out of her. Somehow. She told me she was in love with a younger boy she barely knew. It didn't take me a lot to realize who she was talking about. I was probably the closest guy next to her or so she told me. I didn't speak to her for days. I didn't know what to say. What to believe. Everything was just stupidly perfect."
"So, you dumped her?"
"I didn't. I decided to be a man and asked her to be my girlfriend. And she said yes. For weeks, it felt really great and shit like that then the news started to spread like wildfire. Suddenly, all her friends started interrogating me and some of her closest fans were coming up to me and started talking to me all of a sudden."
"Wow. Must be tough."
"Hardly, after what happened next. Some people started bashing her and kept calling her a pedophile behind her back. It tormented me for them to say things like that to her. I decided I couldn't take it anymore. Not to mention, she made me tired. At first, I thought it was just something every guy goes through in a relationship. All the drama girls bring up. Like how you don't notice them and how you say 'I love you' enough to them. Then she starts telling me about all her ex-boyfriends and how they all dumped her and how she figured that they were all gay."
"I understand, in more ways than one." He let out a sigh.
"It made me tired. She expected me to be with her 24/7 and somehow when I needed her, she wasn't there. But I was stupid, I still loved her. Maybe I didn't want to let go because she was the first person that was special to others. I didn't want to let go of such a priceless possession. I realized that that could really be my intention and maybe I wasn't really experiencing love. If only she didn't love me back, I thought. It was then I decided to return it to the way it was. Back to friends."
"What did you do?"
"I showed her my "true colors". That I was a bastard. That I didn't care for anyone else other than myself. And eventually, I hurt her enough for her to leave me. She left a few days after that. I never saw her again until a few months ago."
"Where is she now?"
"She's here. In this town. She works with me in a bakery, along with her best friend." I looked at the clock. It was already 12:30 am.
"And you don't find it awkward to work with your ex?"
"Not at all. I found someone else. And I hope, she too, can find someone else." I rested my back against the chair. I looked at the cup on the table, the steam was gone.
"She's a lucky girl." He grinned, covering Angela's hand with his.
"And so is yours."
He frowned, his eyebrows forming a knot. "I can't count how many times I've hurt her."
"Things like that. Are not meant to be counted. Or even noticed." I paused again. "...She still loves you no matter what."
"I don't deserve it. I don't even deserve to live after what I let her do to herself."
"What're you talking about? You should be well more aware now, that you have to live to keep her living."
"What do you know? Has your girlfriend ever tried to kill herself?"
"No."
"Then don't say things you don't know about like a big shot."
"Hey, I'm just trying to tell you that killing yourself isn't the answer. Unless, you're an idiot."
"WHAT'RE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY?!" He stood up over me, his teeth bared. He was breathing hard as he clenched both his hands into fists.
"THAT ANGELA HOOKED UP WITH AN IDIOT." I also stood up, proving to him I knew what I was dealing with.
"SHUT UP! I don't need YOU to tell me how to lead my life!" He grabbed the collar of my shirt, wrenching my face closer to his.
"And here I thought you were planning to end your life. Some great leadership skills YOU have." I pushed him away as hard as I could. This guy was an idiot. And here I thought the damn brat was lucky.
"Why are you even trying to involve yourself between me and her? You're nothing but a stranger."
"Because without me, you'd both be DEAD."
I felt his fist hit my face, knocking me down on the floor. The chairs clattered loudly as they fell against the ground.
My face hurt like hell but somehow it was worth it. It was better for him to take his anger out on me other than himself.
"Why are you trying so hard to convince me to live?!"
"Because dying is stupid and pointless, you bastard!"
"What do you know about dying?!"
"A LOT! BECAUSE I'M TRYING SO HARD NOT TO, MYSELF!" I punched the floor so hard, my knuckles started bleeding.
It bled nonstop.
This was because of my illness.
I forgot to bring my medication that day as well.
My chest was heavy. Like an elephant was sitting on it. Like Angela was sitting on it. Haha, I made a joke.
"HEY! What're you doing?!" He yelled as he stepped back, trying to keep away from the blood.
Suddenly, a nurse came in. She screamed and ran back out to call for help. A few minutes later, a medical team appeared and picked me up from the floor and carried me over to another room.
Skye just watched as I left Angela's room in a stretcher, with an oxygen mask over my face. I breathed hard into it as my hand continued to bleed endlessly. Images of violence were still everywhere. Like someone died in there.
It's that guy again.
Skye covered his bandaged shoulder as soon as he saw me looking at him. He stood up and started leaving out the door.
"Don't think I'll thank you for this, bastard." I weakly told him. I still had a hard time breathing through my nose.
He didn't say anything but he didn't leave either. I waited for him to reply, knowing that he probably would.
"What did you mean by trying not to die?" He finally asked.
"I've been ill ever since I was born. I can't be cured but medication helps me a lot. I work hard to earn money to pay for more medication."
He looked at me, in shock. It gets to everyone, I knew. Which is why I would usually keep it a secret. I only told people I wished would remember me after I was gone. I wanted them to cherish every moment I wanted to give them.
"Why are you so worked up on trying not to die?! Nothing's worth suffering over in this pathetic world." He suddenly yelled at me.
"Why are YOU so worked up on trying not to LIVE?! Dead people can't give love." I replied. Leslie suddenly came up on my mind as I said that. I yearned for her smile. She was probably still in the cafe, working. Happy. Not knowing that any of this is happening. But that was somewhat relieving to know. I didn't want her to worry about me again. She's already tired from her life; she didn't need any more burdens.
"Excuse me sir." A nurse came up to Skye. "A girl in room 403 is asking for you."
Skye nodded.
That was Angela's room. Heh. So she's awake now. I hope she enjoys the tasty gift I left for her.
"I'll go to Angela's room now. I doubt you'd feel lonely anyway. Hah."
I nodded at Skye, telling him that he can go and apologize to his stupid girlfriend. She probably needs him now more than ever. I hoped those two idiots could live happily ever fucking after. Ah, I shouldn't have sworn. God would probably decrease my life by 2 percent.
"And you, mister." The nurse smiled at me after Skye left to check on Angela. "You seemed to have a concerned visitor."
Huh?
I wondered who it could be.
"Waaaaaah! Allan! Are you okay?"
I should've known. Skye...that bastard. He must've seen her picture in my wallet and recognized her immediately.
"Yeah...I guess. How about you?" I asked her, honestly.
"I'm fine. Waaah! What happened?"
"Ah...I was hit. By the snack trolley. When I was on the Hogwarts Express."
"Liar!" She hit my head lightly. "...Did the lady give you free candy?"
I laughed. Damn. I wanted to kiss her so badly. But I was strapped down to my bed.
Somehow Leslie understood what I wanted to do and she reached for my hand.
Her hand was warm. I held it tight.
I didn't feel like letting go yet. Nor did I ever want to.
"Oh yeah." She said as she rested her head against my chest. It wasn't heavy at all. Unlike Angela. Haha, I made a joke again.
"Hmm?" I felt like sleeping that moment. "What is it?"
"I love you."
