When we got back to my house Chloe left promptly with few words in between but the house was still empty of all inhabitants

When we got back to my house Chloe left promptly with few words in between but the house was still empty of all inhabitants. “What was all that about?” Brendon asked following me inside slamming the door shut. I shrugged as I looked into the somewhat empty fridge. “I don’t know.” I pulled out the bottle of chilled vodka and slammed the door shut and took out two glasses from the cobber continuing to the living room Brendon behind me.

“You don’t know?” “Nope, ask your fiancé.” I muttered as I poured to cups and forced it into his hands. “It’s like three in the afternoon?” He questioned calmly as he stared down at me on the couch. “Your point?” I asked taking a swig. He looked at me oddly but quickly took the glass and sat down downing his cup in one long gulp.

I smiled sweetly and gladly refilled both our cups. “What were you saying?” He smiled and as time passed by the bottle slowly sank lower and lower, the clear liquid that was once swishing back and forth between the glasses hardly noticeable as we swished between the house walls.

“Remember when you use to take me to the beach?” I asked sloppily sitting on the couch my head swung back watching the room spin. “Yup.” Brendon said quietly sitting on the other end of the couch. “Want the last sip of the bottle?” I asked politely. “Sure.” He lunged forward picking it up. “Wait! I’m the girl.” I said grabbing it from his hands. “But you asked.” He demanded as I sucked down the rest of the vodka clearing out the bottle in last forty five minutes.

I lay back down on the couch and I could suddenly feel his warm body on top of mine. “What are you doing, idiot.” “Getting the rest off your lips.” He was only a few centimeters from my lips his breath stanch raising up my nose but I was drunk enough not to care. “There isn’t any.” I muttered licking the rest off. “I don’t care.”

“You have a fiancé.” It killed me to say, but he stayed hovering over my body. “I don’t love her.” He said breathlessly. “Your drunk Brendon.” I muttered getting up tripping on the table leg. “So? So are you.” He said slurring his speech. “I’m not engaged. I have no one.” I grabbed onto the banister for balance as he stood up at the same time. “I don’t love her.”

I nodded. “Then why did you ask her to marry you silly.” He smiled an almost evil smile. “I didn’t… she asked me.” I rolled my eyes. “Truth! It’s the truth Hon, one day I just come home and she’s waiting outside my door and just asked me.” I bit my tongue to stop from laughing it began to bleed.

“And you know what she’s a virgin too. Have to wait for marriage Brendon. Just a few more months Brendon. Just a few more.” He giggled under his breath. “Well you know what? It’s been one long fucking year.” He came for me his gentle eyes looking towards me as he tripped over the table leg just as I did. He grabbed onto my waste. “what’s this a feel skee just cause’ your little horny?” “A lot.”

I shook my head anger filling over in my drunken state. “You should probably go. Like now?” I said even questioning my own thoughts. “Wait Honor…” “Bren, I don’t want him to see you like this. Walk home whatever I don’t give a shit. Just please go.” He grimaced. “What did I do wrong darling. Is it so wrong to want to get some?” His voice was in a panic state and his eyes like.

“From your ex girlfriend when you have a fiancé. Yes… yes is babe.” It was almost pathetic that I had to push him out the door, stumbling over my own feet at the same time, its wasn’t the best sight. “Just come by tomorrow see Brendon alright-t.” I shut the door and stood behind it, my arms crossed, until I heard his stumble down the stairs assuming he walked home just the few streets way the house was.

I had sobered up mostly by the next hour when my mother and Dan returned home with both Melissa and Brendon running through the doors new toys in their hands and grocery’s being pulled in from behind from Drake. “Hey Honor.” My mom said closing the door behind them as Brendon came from behind her giving me a hug around my waste as far as he could reach up. “Hi honey.” I said picking him up but quickly putting him back down as he began to yell down to my half sister, giving me a blistering head ache.

“What have you been doing all day?” My mom asked as I jumped up onto the kitchen counter unpacking the groceries with Drake as if we were a normal family. “Oh I think I know.” Drake said sniffs my t shirt shoulders. “What’d you spill a whole bottle on you?” My mom asked taking a sniff at the same spot as my brother.

“Brendon came over.” The three adults looked over at me like I was of lesser value still just a dumb kid who had no clue about her and I sunk into the counter like a dead flower. “And you guys just got drunk?” Dan asked putting a few things away in the fridge. “There was nothing else to drink.” I said disappearing into the living and up the stairs for what seemed like the rest of the night until Brendon came into the room ready for bed.

I lay in bed for a long time just listening to my son breathe and look around my old room that lacked any ability to remember that I had once lived there. Its was practically stripped of everything I ever owned or had put up in this room and it was almost sad to think that none of that existed.

I as I listened to the quiet early morning sky as it neared one o’clock I heard soft foot steps downstairs of the house and a loud boom. I sat up in my bed and quietly walked towards the stairs. “Hello?” I hissed hoping it was Drake who had forgotten something. “Honor?” “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked running down the stairs as I heard Brendon stir in my room.

“I needed my keys and my car.” “at one o’clock in the morning.” “I needed to talk to you.” Brendon responded sounding angrier. “Come on.” I muttered tugging on his hands outside to the porch. “What do you want Brendon? Having another lonely night. I can’t help.” He shook his head.

“Did you tell Chloe?” I crossed my arms. “Tell her what?” I said too obvious too even be lying. “Honor!” I rolled my eyes. “That’s not for you to tell. She comes over flipping out on me and I kept saying that you wouldn’t be that vindictive to say that. Well now I owe her an apologize for being a bad judge of character.” I shook my head. “Brendon, you go to bathroom and Chloe is sitting there talking down to be like, as if I was a child pinning after you, she’s telling you guys are the love of each others life. I flipped okay. I could have said worse. All I did is say is that we dated.”

Brendon crossed his arms pacing back and forth across the porch. “That’s all? Honor you even agreed with me that keeping it a secret was best.” “Best for who Bren? Best for Chloe so she doesn’t get jealous that who have two different woman’s kids. Best for you so you can pretend like it doesn’t matter. Or does it just not?” “Of course it matters! It all fucking matters, and me trying to get you to forget about it all those years ago is bullshit, I know that. I knew that then and I god damn know it now!”

I cringed on the inside my voice rising having this conversation again like so many times before. “Then why not just tell her? Just say yes I have a daughter with a fling from Europe and a son from my high school girlfriend. Or whatever, you didn’t have to tell her everything.” I cried. “You never have to… but then you do. One words leads to another, another pain to the next. I didn’t want her to know that side of me, I didn’t want her to feel like she had live up to something, past something, or makeup for someone.”

“If you really love her, you should have been able to tell her. You can’t start a life with a lie Bren! It’s not right.” He stared at me his green eyes wild. “That’s it I don’t love her. I don’t. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” I smiled a grimace really. “That’s not my problem! Don’t come over here looking for me to help you, your almost thirty years old! You’re not a kid; you haven’t been for a long time. So Did you come over to yell at me or ask me to help?”

His face contorted before he just yelled out. “YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TOLD HER HONOR!” “Why? Why? WHY?” He paced back and forth. “Because now I don’t think I can go through it.” I rolled my eyes. “Then don’t Brendon. If you don’t love her don’t marry, don’t date her. Like I said I don’t care. I’m sorry I flipped out on her, okay?” He looked down at the ground. “Why?” “Why what Brendon?” I questioned exasperated the early morning cold getting to me. “Why don’t you care? Why did you flip?” I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t care if you marry her, you have my blessing no matter what. And I don’t care because I’m twenty eight years old and still having the same conversation I was having three years ago, and three years before that and sadly enough three years before that.” I took a deep breath. “I was ready… to marry you Brendon. I had the ring, I had the dress and I had your promise. Then I fucked up, and you left, you fucking left. And sadly enough I still had a dream in my mind that we’d be together. And lets face that’s something I always want Brendon. But I just cant have like a far off dream. So excuse me if I cant just muster up enough care for you and some girl that you don’t love. I cant sit here hoping that you’ll just get married and be happy because in the back of my mind the only time I want you to be happy is with me. But I can’t tell you not to marry her either when I know we don’t have a fighting chance. So I’m taking myself out of the equation, especially where I should have never been. So don’t ask me. And don’t tell me how long of a year it’s been because for me its been a long three years, its been a long forever that apparently has come to an end.”

I let a few tears rolled down my eyes before I opened my mouth again as he stood silent in front of me. “We had a fairy tale Brendon. You loved me and I loved you, we had a beautiful beautiful son and a life for a while. So I should just be thankful for that right? And you, you can do whatever you want whether its with Chloe, or not.”

“I cant marry Chloe.” Brendon said slowly looking down at the ground. “Then don’t.” I muttered falling back onto the porch couch. “Honor I’ve never once not thought about you. Every time someone asked me where my thoughts were, or what I was thinking about, every time I looked at a picture, or a Brendon you were there. And I’m not sure why things turned out the way they have, the way they did. Or even why we’ve hurt each other so much. But everything I ever do always falls back to you even when it has absolutely nothing to do with you. And I’m not sure that’s a natural occurrence. We’ve tried to live with out each other and I know I cant and I don’t think you can either.” I took a deep breath. “I love you, I always have and I always will. Ever since your father said you could go on a date with me… ever since that moment that night you found out he died, ever since I first saw you cry, held you close to me. From that first moment I left for Europe I knew I should have turned around. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m turning around.”

I stood up with a broad smile across my face and something fell off my shoulders like the burden of everything I’ve been carrying around. “I don’t care about your past because your past is my past and our future is ours.” He smiled as he ran his fingers through my hair. “I love you… evermore.” I murmured in his ear. “I wouldn’t want anything else.” Brendon said before pulling me closer pushing his lips against mine. “I love you.” He said again and again and again.

I sat back down on the couch and curled into his arms, and I just felt safe his warm body wrapped around me and the feeling of him breathing as I rested my head again his chest. He kissed the top of my forehead and I had a feeling this would be forever. Because really it always had been. From the moment I first said I love you, since the day he saved me from Ricky, I should have known he would always be there even after he left for Europe even after all the time I thought it was over, Brendon Urie was never too far for reach.

He was my soul mate and nothing I ever had with Adam, Cole, Pacey or even Luke would have ever come close. This was what love was, a risk and I took it over and over again. And maybe we never realized it earlier and it just took us ten years to know that this was forever, and always.

The End.

(And this is the last one. If you have any comments or question I’d love to hear)