Method to their Madness? …uh maybe not.

-A humorous drabble written at 2:00 AM on the potential first meeting of Benjamin Warren and Asmodeus the Sin of Lust, Master of the Sixth Circle of Hell, and Overlord of the mortal realm-

He turned toward the source of the rich, predatory voice in a bit of surprise.

Sweet…Jesus.

Benji was utterly stunned at the man, neigh god, standing before him. Inky dark blue hair, cut in an angle from his shoulders downwards, framed his perfect face, complete with sharp chin and high cheekbones. His eyes were sapphire jewels, barely lighter than his silky, flowing hair. His skin was a pale ivory, giving off an unearthly glow; it had to be delightfully soft and smooth to the touch. He was tall and wiry with broad yet curving shoulders, manly but with a feminine grace at the same time. He was obviously muscled, the way his dark button-up shirt clung to his curved waist and tight abdomen. A smug smirk tugged at his full sensual lips, eyes glinting with the clear knowledge that he was better than everyone else. God, he had to be sin itself. And what a luscious ass-

OHMYGOD!!! WAS I JUST THINKING OF ANOTHER GUY’S ASS?! And where did I learn so many adjectives?

The blond mentally bitch-slapped himself, wondering in a panic where the entire speech in his head about another man’s appearance, had magically monologue’d itself up. Questioning his sexuality was definitely not something he could handle right now.

Beside him, the sociopathic self proclaimed sin of envy, Envy (Duh, insert eyeroll), giggled in a sort of demented fashion reminiscent of every horrible talking doll dream you’ve ever had.

“Aaaalll the boys seem so surprised when they have that reaction to my dear Asmodeus.” the green-haired man slipped in, what he probably believed to be coyly but what was really just terribly creepy.

“Babe, why you gotta call me that? You know I simply prefer Lust.” he said, attempting a sexy bad-boy pout and nearly inducing Benji into a coma.

“And you know I hate it when you call me ‘babe’,” Envy sing-songed before promptly ejecting a barrage of ice shards out of his hands. A slab of glowing, fiery rock exploded out of the ground just in time to halt the frosty spears. Lust stepped out from behind the stone wall and poked at the deadly sharp ice lances gingerly.

“Neeehhh is that any way to greet your long lost lover?” the Sin finally gave in to whining pitifully at his older ‘brother’.

Envy clicked in an annoyed fashion, well, for what Benji had come to understand what with his entire face obscured by his long deep green hair. Except for his mouth. Yeah. That’s unfortunate seeing as it’s the one thing I wish I could tape shut sometimes…

“It’s only been 2 weeks…”

“But my love for you burns with the intensity of a thousand over-priced hooker joints!!” Lust screamed dramatically into the night, voice ricocheting off the walls of the back alley they were in. Quite abruptly, all the sexual thoughts Benji had been distressingly having over this supposed god of all things carnal and pornographic, dashed out the way someone might dump a gallon of water on a roaring campfire. “Uh, that’s not very romantic.” He said before really thinking about it, plainly too distracted by the weirdo suddenly striking a rather dramatic pose on top of a dumpster.

“Oh Benny you are SO right! Why can’t I have a serious stud like YOU?” Envy tackled the blond college boy turned new Sin of Wrath -who was in total and utter denial- (“Cough, loser, cough cough,” Lust growled unhappily somewhere in the background), arms fastening around his waist like a python. Benji felt all the blood drain from his face, Envy’s own mere inches away from his. “…plleeeeeaassse heeelp…meeee-“ he choked in pure unadulterated terror. Envy continued to snuggle against his face as if he hadn’t heard a thing. Well really, it’s not like he’s ever listening at all.

.-

Just as Benji’s face started to garner a bluish tinge, Lust ripped Envy away and engaged him in a passionate and every other word that could qualify as a synonym, ‘pleasedon’tcastratemeI’msuchanasshole’ kiss that could only end in an explicit yaoi scene. With badly written fanfiction-esque narration they hoped. That would signify the ultimate hotness that would be this ensuing sex.

And in case you didn’t get that: “please don’t castrate me I’m such an asshole”. Yes, Envy does seem to enjoy plotting brutal castrations and other sick, dark, twisted, and what idiots seem to believe goth kids think about in their spare time things that might make the most morally and mentally stable person go running and screaming madly for the hills.

Sprawled out on the ground, terrified, shaking, and attempting to ignore the noises behind him, Benji knew what ever could only possibly take place next Sweet sweet baby Jesus in the manger only knows could not be good for his health.

.-

A/N: A random short that is based off a main storyline I have (not on fictionpress) currently being retitled and rewritten. Thanks for reading, tis alright if you didn’t understand, it was meant to be totally out there and random. It’s also supposed to be nonsensical and rambly. : D Thanks for your time. Illustration for this story can be found here: www . deviantart . com/deviation/59130247/