I Didn’t Think

I really didn't think, when I said yes...it's something that I have to regret...

These words sounded foreign coming from my own silent mouth...

It wasn't the truth, even if the lies were spoken in sultry tones, barely above my haggard breathing...

I don't want to lie...but I am forced to...protect your sanity from breaking free...

Let's lay down, you can talk, I prefer to stay silent, afraid of what words might come out...

Maybe I’m coming off a little too suicidal?

A little too poetic?

A little too much of everything?

Then as you speak, the syllables all jumbled together...how do people understand that?

You want me to do something I never could do without...but I still can resist...

So when I say no...After saying yes for the past two years...what will you do?

Of course, how could I not predict something this easy...?

How could I just let this go on?

How could I be so understandable and rash?

How?

You leave me, after that night, of course nothing happened, among our flushed faces...I said "no"

That was not okay for you...so you left...and for the first time I was strangely...empty...but bursting at the same time...

Maybe months, years, I have no track of time...I realized something new...

I never loved you...no faithfulness emitted from your arms...the only thing that was faithful about you was your shadow...never leaving...until the night came...

So. Now I am confused...because...the person that was faithful, the person I barely even knew...

The person that I had hated for telling me not to rush in...

Is the person that I have been in love with all this time...scary

I didn't think... that this would ever happen, until...I said no...

Kristina E. Anderson