Audrey.

I sat on the edge of the bathtub
Waiting for the water to turn hot
Sticking my hands in and out,
Still waiting.
And as it arrived at a decent temperature
I swung my legs around the side
And placed my feet on the floor of the tub
Dirt already started running off them
Before I even got the soap in my hands.
I washed them quickly, taking the sap off
The bottom of my left foot
Plugged in the drain
And let the now steamy water splash around
Filling up halfway before my ankles.
And I sat there, my feet in the water
So hot that I felt as if they were burning
But I just sat, staring at them,
As they turned red and blistered.

Peeling off my clothes,
One article at a time;
Starting with my sweatpants,
Working my way towards my bra.
I stood in the middle of the room
Clothes in a pile by my side
And stared at the person in the mirror in front of me
My fingers ran themselves across the
Red lines across my chest.
Funny thing is, I don’t remember
Exactly how they got there.

I found some old boxers and
A ratty tee shirt, and slipped them on
Being careful as to not touch the cuts.
Unplugged my iPod from its charger,
And dug around in my drawers until
I found a pair of headphones
That still works.
I set my playlist on repeat,
Pulled the blankets up from my bed
And slowly crawled in.
Bringing the blankets back up to meet my chin
And my knees up to my chest
Hoping that sleep would soon come
As Glen Hansard sang.

Tomorrow is said
To hold much better days
I disagree.

Sleep never really came for me
Never really does any night
I just close my eyes
And let the music calm me.
I guess I never really sleep anymore
Because waking up is the hardest part.
Waking up means being in a world
Where misery is a magnet.
I must keep walking under ladders
Because I’ve never gotten any luck
Even from a penny found heads up.

Every morning
I have the same schedule.
I shake off the little sleep that I get
Depending on the type of day
I had had.
Always step into a warm shower,
Slowly turning up the heat
And pressing my face into the water
To erase the sleeplessness
From under and in my eyes.
I don’t eat breakfast
And I stay out of the way
Making sure that the chores
Are done, and are done right.
Then I escape.

I escape to wherever I can go.
Usually to the park down the street
And up the hill.
I’ll just sit on a rock besides the stream
Whether people are around or not
It’s my little sanctuary, or I like to believe so.
I usually have my camera with me.
My little excuse for a camera, but it’s mine
And it feels great to actually have something
To call my own.
After everything I had, was stolen.