Chapter 20

Back at the mansion, I just sat looking out the window. Had it really just happened like that? It was over? I tried to remember the feeling of being human. What it was like, how I saw things, how they felt. But it was slipping away. I haven’t been changed for even one night, and already I couldn’t remember. I tried to remember the conversation I had with Kara and Angi. I couldn’t even remember their voices. It made me want to cry. But I couldn’t.

I wanted to forget the pain in my stomach. The ache in my gums. The thoughts I pushed further and further back into my mind. I had to keep calm; I had already ruined four chairs, and one oak table. I knew what I needed. But there was no way I was going to take it, even if it was thrust in front of me. Well, maybe if it was right in front of me…and no one was around…

What am I thinking? No! I can’t do that, I won’t do that.

“How are you feeling?” Demetre asked as he walked into the room where I had barricaded myself.

“Fine.” I said.

“The sun will be up in a few minutes. You should get something to drink.”

“No.”

“Veronica, the feelings will become worse. The more you feed the better, and more rational you will feel.”

“I don’t care.”

He kneeled down in front of me and looked me in the eyes. “I know you have so much on your mind, and I understand how difficult it is to cope with, but you have to understand that this is not the end. It really is a beginning. You won’t have to worry about small things like getting sick or dying. This is a whole new you. I know that once you embrace this new life you will be happy.” He took my hands in his and held onto them waiting for my response.

I looked at him. I knew what he was saying made sense. I knew what he was trying to get me to see. I knew in every inch of my new body that he was right and all I needed to do was jump on the bandwagon. But I held on with all my might to the last bit of humanity. I clung to it.

Without a word he left. I looked out the window at the sky, it was almost dawn. The curtains were swaying with the breeze. I got up to close them so they wouldn’t let the sun in.

This time it was Victor who walked in. I didn’t even have to see him to know it was him. I knew his breath, I knew the sound the air made to get out of his way when he walked, and I knew his smell.

“Please don’t try to convince me too. I don’t want to.” I said.

“That’s the most you’ve said since it happened.” He remarked.

I turned around to meet him. He was already close to me and he took my hand. Even being dead his skin felt strangely cold and prickly.

“I hate that you got your wish.”

“What wish?” I asked.

“That I couldn’t read your mind after you changed.” He cupped my face, not to kiss me, but just to touch me.

I knew his hand was cold, but it set a fire within me that never wanted to go out. “Oh,” I said and rested my head on his chest. Comfortable with his steady rhythm, and content with just him and me.

This had to be worth it. Being with the person who completed me in every way possible just had to be worth everything else. But I couldn’t help but try to remember. I wanted to remember, needed to. Remember all the conversations with Kara, all the late nights out with Angi. Why couldn’t I remember how things were before this started? I had to keep them with me always. But how could I? Was this all I would ever have, and not even be able to think of the past? I had to remember the past. The past was all that could comfort me when Victor was not here. It was all I had to know who I was before I became this.

Victor kissed my forehead and cradled me in his arms.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked.

“It’s bed time.” He replied as he set me gently on the bed. In a moment he was on the other side folding down the blanket. “Is this ok?”

I turned and gave him a small tired smile, “Yes.” I wanted one last kiss goodnight but just when he got into bed we both fell asleep.