|Billy's First Fiction
Author: Faceless Pyrus PM
Billy wants to get involved in writing fiction. He begins his first work, but makes the mistake of writing with a backseat writer. The result is... well... this.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Words: 652 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 07-09-07 - Status: Complete - id: 2387992
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Hey kids, this is my first entry, and I sincerely hope you enjoy it. It was just an idea I had in the middle of driver's ed.
I feel I should still go over some stuff about the format, though. Anything not in parentheses is part of the story. In parentheses, the plain text is the writer, the bold text is whatever you make of it, it's just not the writer.
Once upon a time there was
(Kind of cliche, don't you think?
No. It's timeless.
I'd avoid the triteness. Change it.)
A man walked through the forest. He was tall, muscular, and had brown hair and blue eyes.
(Um... kind of stereotypical, don't you think?
What? Dude, you don't even know what you're talking about.
No, seriously, don't make your characters into Gary-Stus.)
But he had the plague.
(Dismal, change it.)
But he had the pox.
(Boring, change it.)
But he had no diseases because he was totally immune to all sickness.
A man walked through the forest. His name was not Gary-Stu. He was traveling to the far-off kingdom to slay the hideous dragon.
(Cliche, again. Change it.)
To slay the hideous giant gelatinous wildebeest.
(Um... change it back. But give the dragon some better character development.
...he's a dragon. He eats and/or breaks things.
But why does he? What compels him to do so?)
The dragon's father left home when the dragon was very young, and the mother dragon brought home new man-dragons every week.
(Introduce the love interest.
Love interest? I wasn't going to...
No. You need one. These geeks love fictional romance. Not sure why, but they do.)
A scared, beautiful, buxom, blonde maiden sat up in a tower waiting for a hero. Her virginity still in tact, she waited for the man that would save her from the dragon so that she could...
(Ok, let's not go down that road. And no Mary-Stus.
Are you just making these terms up?
No, noob! I've been writing critically acclaimed fanfictions for years! My Cats/Star Wars crossover garnered rave reviews for my Grizabella/Qui Gon Jin romance.)
Not Mary-Sue was a petite brunette with herpes.
Not Mary-Sue didn't have herpes.
A man whose name was not Gary-Stu slayed the dragon with his mighty broadsword of dragonslaying, bestowed upon him by the magical wizard. He was old and had a long beard and had many qualities that most stereotypical wizards exhibit.
(I'm gonna have to get my broadsword of bad fiction-writer-slaying in a second. Character development!)
The magical wizard in his early days was a pirate who roamed the seas in search of booty
(Innuendo much? Change that.
I think you're reading a little too much into...
In search of treasure. Coins and jewelry, etc. The kind that you can sell for money to get booty. But he later gave up this life in favor of one where he could shoot lightning from his fingers. In any case, a man whom no one favored to call Gary-Stu now wielded the sword and cut the dragon's head off and saved the princess from peril. Unfortunately, the victory was shallow, as not Gary-Stu had a friend who made him constantly do his adventure over and over so that it was perfect and fit some weird set of standards that were made by people who sit on a computer all day and critique other peoples' stories. Also, he liked to write "cat on future man" romance stories and no one in the town liked him.
(I like this character.
Somehow I thought you might.)
And they all lived happily ever after.
(...dude. Don't god-mode.)