Diana Schmuckal

7/12/2007

The Cement Floor

“All things must end eventually. You and I both know that,”

I hated her voice at first, I really did. With its sticky sweetness and lovely tones. It pulls you in and compels you to listen. Beautiful and terrible. It induces all that you love and hate and provokes your smallest desires.

“It really is quite simple. I am sure you can figure it out,”

I can’t see her anymore. All I can see was the cold cement floor. I used to despise the floor. So resisting and icy. But I began to recognize it’s pain as well. The pain of being nothing. And knowing nothing.

“Or perhaps you have already figured it out and simply deny the truth,”

I am a fool, really. She tempted me with her honeyed lips and powdered cheeks. It felt so wonderful to kiss them that I didn’t realize she was biting me. Ripping me to pieces. It wasn’t painful at first. But things like that can only build after awhile.

“Childish, that’s all this really is. A childish game,”

I wanted to escape. To be free from the dazzling spell. But you can’t be freed from yourself. She was never the enemy. I was. With all my hopes. All my dreams. I tore myself down, hoping she would build me back up. I guess I was mistaken.

“Even now, you hide behind your delusions. In hope that I will trip and fall,”

It was all a mistake. And one that I continue to make. I feel tears pressing from my eyes. It hurts. But it is a pain that I seem to crave. For it means that she is near. So near and warm.

“It’s strange though, isn’t it? After all this…”

She is kneeling before me. My fallen body. Her gentle, warm hands caress my face. I feel my skin rip open. I smile anyway. My thoughts, her touches, have always clouded my senses.

“After all this, this pain…”

I feel the folds of her clothes. I wonder if they are happy. Happy to cover and protect such a force. I want to believe they hate it. That they are forced to her bidding. But I know the truth. They adore her. Just like I do.

“This fear, this hopelessness, this…”

She kisses me now. Oh, how wonderful it feels! The nectar of her essence consumes me and I was to devour more. I want it. I need it. A terrible addict, I am. An addict of her.

“Say it dearest…”

I scream as I hold on to her tighter. I am falling again. Farther this time. This time my delusions will not help me. I probably won’t even be able to feel the cement floor. I wonder. I wonder if that is what I will miss the most.

“I love you,”

I let the cement floor fly past me.