Full Summary:

A young yet maturing girl desperately searches for the correct path-she wants to be both content and conscientious.

After a horrendous breakup, Marla's life took an awful turn. Left with no friends and half of her heart gone, she struggles to keep afloat. As if the current of life was not difficult enough, a new boy enters her confused life; her parents give her a difficult time; friendships are crushed and created; and further events seemingly occur to keep her on her toes. Someway and somehow, everything both horrible and wonderful seems to fall into place and Marla wouldn't prefer it any other way.

Author's Note:

I've written millions of snippets for stories that never came to be. But finally, I have found enough motivation to be more serious about writing a story. I aim to make this novel length, although since I've never even written a story longer than a few pages, I won't set that goal in stone. I also make many, many changes. I may revise a lot, meaning I might add or delete or move big chunks of text. Also, I don't feel comfortable posting anything unless I'm sure that will be the chapter. Reason being, I write all over the place...I never write chronologically. Secondly, I'm known for being completely motivated one day and then completely drained the next day. Because of this, it may take a long time for a chapter to be posted. So please, if you're even slightly interested in what will become of my story, please subscribe to me and keep the encouragement coming! hugs you

The title is temporary. Not sure what it will be yet!

Since I'm constantly revising and editing everything, please feel free to point out any grammatical or spelling mistakes (nicely of course!) so I can fix them :)

Updates / Status:

Word Count: Nearly 8,000 words

Friday, July 13, 2007: First chapter is up. Probably won't be updating this for a long time, but you can be sure I'm writing!

And without further delay, here is the first chapter:

Chapter 1 – The Breaking and Aching

His figure rapidly grew smaller as he swiftly walked away from the girl slumped over on the floor in the middle of a deserted hallway. The expression on her tear-stained face easily exposed her emotions. She did not make an effort to keep herself composed; it was the last thing on her mind. She attempted to scream out, but a lump seem lodged in her throat. After the third try her voice finally found its way out.

"PLEASE!" she screamed hysterically through sobs. By then, it was already too late. He had turned at the corner and was nowhere in sight. There was no doubt about him hearing her-it was a begging scream piercing enough for the entire school to hear, although it was an hour after classes had ended and the school was quickly evacuated. Despite this fact, his ears turned deaf. No matter how loud her voice was, he would never hear her ever again. She felt her insides ripping apart.

She waited. "He'll come back," she whispered with her now hoarse voice. So she sat, with her eyes locked on the corner she had seen him disappear behind. Daylight was slowly fading. It was time. She didn't want to leave...what if he came back? Waiting a little longer, doubt was spreading through her mind. Truthfully, she knew he would never come back to her, but her shocked mind refused to acknowledge this fact. She wearily rose from the concrete floor-her legs were numb and cold from sitting in that position for too long. Not bothering to brush off the dirt from her legs, she headed towards the football field. It was the only exit, since the other gates were closed long ago. Once at the field, she slipped through small gate; it shut behind her and locked.

Dragging her feet, and trying to decipher the world behind her blurred eyes, she paid no attention to the fast-moving objects zooming by. Her face was twisted up in pain. As she crossed the street, a loud noise snapped her back to reality. Eyes wide in fear, she looked for the source of the noise. It was a large, black van, just inches away from her shrunken body. Too ashamed to look at the driver in the massive van, she made her way towards the other side of the street and kept her head down. Her mind was buzzing with so many thoughts, but one seemed to jump out at her. Suddenly realizing that she barely escaped a painful death, she wondered if it would have been better that way. As a useless girl nobody wanted, what use was there for her in this large world? She contemplated "crossing" a busier street. To end her pain and the trouble she would continue causing if she were left breathing.

No. That wasn't right. She lived throughout her entire life, believing suicide was the selfish and simple way out of distress. Why should she give in to such measures now? She drove her feet forward, and constantly brought her hands up to her eyes, bitterly rubbing away the tears to clear her vision-it was difficult following the correct path when everything was a big blur. A few cars rushed by; she wondered what the souls behind each wheel thought when they saw her swollen and suffering face. She brushed the thoughts away from her mind.

After a walk that seemed to drag on for miles, she reached the house she was so familiar with. Home. She went inside and headed straight for her bathroom. Passing her sister's room, she saw someone in the doorway from the corner of her eyes. With haste, she walked pass the door and ran up the stairs. She closed the door behind her in the bathroom. Sighing, she sank against the door. Knees bent and hands covering her face, she couldn't keep the pain from seeping out. How could anything hurt so badly? Memories flashed through her mind. She saw pictures of him, laughing, smiling, lips moving with silent words. "I will love you forever," he promised. Her mind twisted around these words. What was "love"? What was "forever"? And why did they slip through her fingers so easily? "My reason to live," she thought bitterly, "is gone. What is it now?"

Standing over the sink, she splashed cold water over her face.

She looked into the mirror and saw an utterly ugly person staring back at her. It disgusted her. She stroked the long hair, which rested against her body and went far past her waist. Her fingers caught a knot and instead of taking the time to gently untangle it, her hand halted. On the table, she saw a shiny pair of scissors gleaming in the artificial light. She quickly averted her eyes and directed them to another place, but slowly they came back to the stainless steel scissors. With shaking hands, she reached for them and began snipping away the hair she had once slaved over for so many years.

There was a clump of hair in the trash bin. She couldn't stand being in the bathroom for any longer. Her reflection made her sick. She tiptoed out of the bathroom and clumsily ran for her room.

"Marla!"

She froze and gave out a tiny gasp.

"Marla! Is that you?" She saw her mother standing in the doorway of the master bedroom. Her mother had a look of shock on her face. "Marla! Your hair..." The mother's fingers reached for Marla's hair, but dropped halfway. Marla tried to ignore the piercing stare of her mother and inspected her feet instead. The nail polish was chipping off. "What...what did you do?"

There was no use in trying to ignore her mother. The confrontation was inevitable anyway. And she knew her mother would not be the only shocked person. "I cut it, mom," Marla answered in a voice she could not recognize.

"Well, I can see that...why?"

Marla gave a shrug with one shoulder. "I really don't know." Her voice shook. It was the truth-she didn't know what happened.

It was the first time her mother looked at her in a long time. With the shock of Marla's newly cut hair slowly disappearing, she took a closer look at her face. It was obvious she had been crying. Dried tears were about her face and her puffed eyes showed fatigue.

Her mother rushed to her daughter and her hands gripped Marla's face. A thumb caressed Marla's cheek. A sense of panic overcame the mother as she realized she didn't know what to do next. So she reached for anything familiar, anything at all that could bring her back to the towering position of motherhood, anything that would make things seem normal again. "Marla," she said in a firm voice, "I can't believe you. You teenagers are always reaching for the latest trends, always wanting to be cool. And now look at what you've done with your hair!"

Marla looked at her mother with disbelief and annoyance. She continued walking to her room and closed the door behind her, making sure it was locked.

There were countless nights where she stayed up to work on homework; those were nights when she longed for more time. But tonight was different. Time seemed never-ending. She buried her head into her pillow. The tears sank into the fabric. One tear after another. She concentrated on the tears, and with each tear falling away, she hoped it would wash away the pain. Her nose burned. It was clogged with excess snot, and left her no room to breathe. As she choked for air and felt a steady flow of tears, the hotness within melted away. The fire was dying out, though there was still a painful pulsing in her chest. Constantly drifting between nightmares and consciousness, there was a continuous flow of flashbacks. Things that once were pleasant seemed too painful to remember now.