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I just felt like it. Have some wafers.
My summary sucks. I don't know if I should continue it...this is a tester I guess. A pilot. And the title of the chapter has nothing to do with anything. Appropriating a fairytale is sort of unoriginal, but they're all heaps fun to read. I really like them :))
Have fun :D
LITTLE RED CAP OF GRIMMING HOLLOWS
1. Hi, I'm a walking cliche
Now Grimming Hollows was not a town out of the ordinary. It was surrounded by forest dense enough to house a reasonable colony of faeriefolk and bordered by small hills for poor farmers and their beautiful daughters to live. The full moon came up every thirteen days and the werewolves would howl for at least eight hours until they made sure no-one in town received a wink of sleep that night. Of course, later, the men would light sticks of fire and seek out the wailing rascals, only to be ambushed by a sisterhood of witches. The next morning, a group of frogs would dive into the river running alongside the town and swim in search for a princess to kiss.
However, the rash actions of the men caused a considerable drawback for the folk of Grimming Hollows. Since the greatest percentage of the male population that transformed into frogs every thirteen days, were under the age of thirty-five, the birth rate decreased dramatically. Even worse was when the women began buying spells off travelling mages for “genitilia alteration.”
Grimming Hollows had to introduce some immigration scheme to keep the town thriving. All the young maidens were taught to place a pea under her mattresses before she went to bed, turn black and blue in the morning and hope to find a prince at her side to breed with. The more mattresses the maiden had, the more wealthier she was. The mattress soon became a social calculator and was in high demand. Sometimes, though rarely, a prince would ride by and make the maidens lift up their frocks so he could judge their bruised behinds. Yet strangely, some princes went away with a girl that had no bruise at all, just tight buttocks.
Over the years, the mattress became in such high order that several servant-run factories had to be erected alongside the farms on the hills. These factories were an instant success, but many of the servants found fairy godmothers overnight and married royalty in the morning. Hence, as the number of servants dwindled, the townsfolk sent their children to these factories to work. And this is where we find our protagonist, lodged between the bales of mattress stuffing and trying desperately to remain invisible.
“What are you doing slacking off, Red!?” the evil step-overseer boomed to our huddled protagonist.
“Nothing!” our protagonist said. Our protagonist was sixteen that summer and knew perfectly well that his name was not Red. It was Corbin but the townsfolk called him Little Red Cap and it was entirely his dead mother’s fault. Red’s mother had wished for a child with skin was white as snow, hair as black as ebony and lips as red as blood. Our Red popped out not long after, with skin as white as snow, hair as black as ebony and lips as red as blood. However, it was soon discovered that not only were his lips as red as blood, so was his foreskin. Thus, the name Little Red Cap came to be and even when he was circumcised, the little red cap removed, the name became permanent.
“Don’t think you can talk back at me, just because you’re pretty, boy!” the evil step-overseer hollered, snapping Red back from his interlude into the past.
“Sorry about that, sir!” Red yelled back, “I can’t help being so ravishing that you want to do me here. You’d have to blame my old, dead mother for that, sir!”
“Cheek!” the evil step-overseer roared and began to chase Red with a scythe used to cut the stuffing. Red let out a whoop and dashed from the factory, hoping dearly that this was his hint that he was fired.
“Gosh, you don’t have to chase me!” Red called back as he ran through the grass, “I know I’m irresistible, but you needn’t go this far!”
The evil step-overseer let out a howl of rage and flung the scythe. Red neatly dodged it and scrambled down the hill.
“You’re fired!” came the bellows after him, “You’re fired you hear me, boy?!”
Red laughed into the wind. Thank the Lord, he thought, Thank the Lord.
Red stared back, bored, having had this conversation on several occasions.
“Father makes gallons of money,” he said. Now Red’s father was a wealthy merchant who did business across the forest and constantly brought back riches to share with his family. Red’s Father had remarried to a widowed baroness and brought her and her two daughters home with him. Surprisingly, Red’s new step-mother was not at all evil or biased, tending to love herself more than anything else in the world and as a result making all three children do equal labour. The twin step-sisters were not at all evil or ugly. They were cute looking and formed a strong bond with Red against their mother ever since they first had to scrub the floors together. So, when Red said that his father made gallons of money, he was not lying.
“I know he does,” Red’s step-mother sighed, “But he doesn’t let me spend a lot of it.”
Red glanced at his step-mother’s elaborate gowns and glittering jewels. He nodded slowly.
“Now, if you want to make yourself useful for once,” his step-mother said, placing her hands on his shoulders, “then I suggest you do this one thing for me.”
“What do I get?” Red asked immediately. He loved getting bribed. From years of experience, his step-mother did not falter.
“You may begin magework.” Red’s father had always forbidden magic. It was not commonly known why, but Red suspected it was because his father had once been tricked by a small gremlin, who promised to spin straw into gold in return for his father’s first born. In fear for his life, Red’s father hastily agreed and when Red was born, his father had to spit tobacco into the small gremlin’s eyes until he accidentally ripped himself in half.
Red suppressed the grin itching to spread across his face. He placed out a hand, “Deal,” he said solemnly and shook his step-mothers glittery hand once. Red’s step-mother let a small smirk twitch at the corner of her mouth and swept past him into the kitchen. She then hauled out a large basket and a travelling mattress onto the bench.
“I need you to take these to your Grandmother,” she said.
“I have a Grandmother?!” Red shrieked, gaining a sour look from his step-mother.
“Yes, Red, you do. Now, your Grandmother is a very powerful and influential woman. Powerful enough to have sources to the Elixir of Youth. I’m sure she’ll love to see her own blood-related grandson after so many years.”
“You want me to bribe her into giving you the Elixir of Youth?” Red asked, grinning internally.
“No,” said his step-mother, “…Yes. But your Grandmother has some pretty strong mages working under her so you may land yourself some work there.”
This time Red grinned. “Okay,” he said, “Sounds easy enough. I can sweet talk old ladies.”
His step-mother clucked her tongue and gave Red a cryptic once-over. “Yes, I’m sure you can, but it’s not the sweet talking I’m worried about. I’m just wondering if you’ll get out of the forest in one piece.”
Red was cursed with a slight form which he blamed entirely on his old, dead, biological mother, and though obviously growing, was not very tall. In some lights he was mistaken for a gothic maiden and on several occasions, accosted by pubescent lads. The town girls either hated him for looking more striking than they, or were so sexually deprived they just wanted to get in his breeches.
“I’ll be fine, thank you,” Red said bitterly, stomping upstairs into his room. He had been training with a dagger whenever he could jig mattress work and jogging early in the mornings. He had developed a considerable amount of muscle and he was sure his shoulders were broadening.
“We heard you,” said Red’s twin step-sisters, Dana and Eshana, slipping into his room.
“We also heard what our horrid mother offered,” said Dana, or Eshana, it was hard to tell.
“She’s hoping you’ll die along the way,” said Dana or Eshana, “She’s really jealous of you because you attract more boys than she. But we’re not jealous, because we know your personality, and you are very conniving. Not at all dainty and pious as all the townsboys think you are.”
Red shrugged and began packing his gear.
“But if you don’t die and make it alive,” Dana or Eshana continued, “our horrid mother would have gained the Elixir of Youth anyway. But we know, when you find the Elixir of Youth, you’d drink it yourself.”
Red grinned at them, “You know me well, sisters.”
Dana and Eshana smirked at him, “So we have some things to aid you on your journey.”
Dana or Eshana placed a loaf of bread into Red’s hand, “Crumble this loaf behind you like a trail, for the forest is easy to get lost in, and if you ever forget your way, you can follow the bread.”
“And here is a magical rose,” said Dana or Eshana, “If you come across a fierce beast in the forest, pluck out the petals on this rose with haste and the beast will die.”
“Thank you sisters,” said Red and placed a kiss on cheeks. He strapped on his belt and threaded through his dagger. He also hid a throwing knife in each of his boots and hoped he packed enough changes of undergarments and food to last.
“Well, I’ll be going,” he said. His step-sisters embraced him and wept.
“Are you ready?” Red’s step-mother barked as he stepped into the kitchen. He nodded, strapping the travelling mattress to the basket and tying the lot to his knapsack.
“Oh, one more thing,” said his step-mother as he was about to leave, “You mustn’t tell your father, or your future in magework is gone.”
Red nodded again and finally, headed out.
Red had set out around midday and it was dusk by now. Red made a fire with his father’s cigarette lighter and unrolled his travelling mattress. A rustling behind him made him jump and glance quickly around for company. It was too dark to see beyond the flickering diameter of the fire but nothing was attacking him so he didn’t bother to go look for it.
Red ate meal of fruit, bread and water, wondering if he should eat less when he threw the fourth apple core into the fire. He shrugged and settled in his travelling mattress to sleep when the rustling occurred again. Immediately, Red jerked into sitting position and strained his eyes into darkness. He saw nothing and shivered, falling back onto his mattress and falling asleep with his dagger clenched in his hand.
“Thank the Lord,” he mumbled and stumbled towards the fruits. Greedily, he plucked them from the patch and stuffed them in his mouth. He groaned at the sweet and sour tang and crammed in more.
“Good Lord…”he sighed and kneeled in the greenery, eating slower now.
“Sweet heavens, what’s this?” a voice behind Red said. Red jolted and turned quickly around. A young man was standing near the path, staring at Red with the most bewildered expression. He looked older than Red, though not by much and was dressed in green riding gear with a feather in his cap. The hair that fell from beneath the cap was shiny and golden, dusting into the stranger’s hazel eyes. Red cast his gaze to the ground and felt suddenly self-conscious of the sticky stains around his mouth, his grubby attire and his knotty hair.
“I…” said Red slowly, standing up and ready to run. He wondered why he felt so intimidated by the stranger. Truthfully, the man was not dashingly handsome, but he had some sort of charm and vigour that made him shine.
The stranger seemed to sense Red’s edginess, “No, don’t go,” he said simply stepping towards Red. “My name is Lyall. Do you mind me asking what yours is?”
Red coughed to unstick his throat, “I’m…uh…Red,” he replied, trying to subtly wipe the strawberry stains from his cheeks. Lyall watched the youth in front of him with a small smile. This one was a good catch, young, very enchanting albeit horrendously dirty and obviously naïve.
Red watched Lyall warily from the corners of his eyes. The man was grinning at him now and he had large, white teeth with unnaturally long canines. Lyall chuckled. “So, what’s a pretty thing like you doing by yourself in a forest such as this?”
Red’s irritation flared. “What? Can’t a “pretty thing” come in here alone? Or do I need some arrogant, hairy townsman to accompany me and make sure I keep my dainty face safe?” he sneered. Lyall threw his head back and laughed, so this one had spirit too. Red saw the spittle string and glisten between the man’s teeth and shivered.
“My, can’t take a compliment can you?” Lyall said, putting out a hand, “Come on now, kitten, you’re not going to get anywhere by imitating a tree.”
Red gathered his gear and marched out, ignoring the hand offered to him.
“Do you need a hand?” Lyall asked, finding the youth’s face even more desirable up close. Goodness, he even had deep blue eyes, what a catch indeed.
Red snarled and furiously shouldered his pack, grinding his teeth at the laughter he received. He began trudging along the path once more, and to his immense irritation, Lyall seemed to be going the same way.
“Where are you heading to?” Lyall asked conversationally. He received no answer and repeated the question.
“My grandmother’s,” came the grated reply.
“Oh, so that’s what the basket was for,” said Lyall, prodding Red’s pack with a finger. Red grunted and scowled as he was tipped slightly off balance.
“Whoops! Careful there,” Lyall chastised, grabbing hold of Red’s waist when he tipped precariously to one side.
Red felt a heat grow under his arms and on his cheeks as the arm around his waist remained there uncomfortably.
“Don’t push me over and then tell me to be careful, ass,” Red growled, wriggling out of Lyall’s arm and wondering what it was about the man that made him edgy.
“Where does your grandmother live?” Lyall asked, still attempting to make conversation.
Red fished into his breeches and brought out a folded paper.
“Your grandma lives in that huge oversized cottage on the edge of the forest?” Lyall questioned, after reading the paper and handing it back.
Red shrugged, “Probably, I’ve never been there before.”
“Well, I’ve passed it,” said Lyall “Do you want me to guide you there the rest of the way?”
“Thank you, but no thank you,” said Red frostily, feeling overwhelmed by Lyall’s cheerfulness.
“But I insist!” the bubbly man said, grinning hopefully.
“I said, no thank you,” Red sighed, hitching his pack higher and picking up his pace.
“It can’t be helped then,” Lyall said, not put-out at all by Red’s hostile attitude, “But I believe this is where our paths must separate, kitten, for I have some chores to finish.”
And before Red could react, Lyall had leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth. Red gasped in shock and flung around to hit him, only to find Lyall already melting into the trees.
“We’ll meet again, princess,” his voice said, making Red shudder in not altogether a bad way.
Red shook his head and breathed in deeply.
Little Red Cap had to get to Grandmas.
Review please! Thanks all :D